|Reviews for The Super Vampire Bros Part III|
| Guest chapter 3 . 11/12/2012
Keep it up!
| Blossom the Cellist chapter 1 . 4/6/2012
That was really WWWWAAAAYYY too short. Nice plot, but too short.
Also, you should make it more than just one paragraph. Like this:
'Once upon a time, there were two best friends named Nikiria Laura Childs and Christina Nina Sims. They were walking through the woods. It was going to rain.
Christina pointed to a mansion and said,"Hey Nikiria, maybe we should stay in that mansion over there until the rain stops."
So the two girls walked over to the mansion and Christina knocked on the front door. A small chubby man wearing a yellow suit and an orange hat answered the door. "Can we stay here until the rain stops?" Nikiria asked.
The man nicely moved out of the way. So the two girls walked in the huge mansion.'
Also, it seems like you used very short sentences. Use more detailed sentences. Like:
'They were walking through the woods. Dark storm clouds covered the sky. It looked as if it was going to rain.'
'They were walking through the woods. It was going to rain.'
It also wasn't very catchy. Maybe you couldnd've stopped it when something actually happened. Cliffhangers are often a good way to get fans. And plus, I don't really think 'once upon a time' is a good way to start a fanfic.
Okay. That's really it. Like I said, I like the plot, though.
| Kartoon-Kompany chapter 1 . 4/2/2012
Great beginning! Can't wait to read what happens next !