Reviews for Good Luck, Benvolio
teenagejustice chapter 2 . 12/2/2012
Hehe. Like it. Can't wait for an update!
Histoire de le Coeur chapter 9 . 8/20/2012
So, for the first time in 3 days, I now have access to free, public wifi. Naturally, I check my e-mail and nearly squeal with joy that you had updated. Without even considering the consequences of reading this in public, I immediately press the link and dive right in. So, please don't ever say that this was just "sucky yaoi". You made me tear up in Starbucks.
I also found it interesting that Benvolio "died of sadness" as well. They never said who for ;).
Anyway, on the whole, this has been a great story and really satisfied my curiosity for a character neglected. It ranks among some of the best fanfictions I've ever read in my life as a devoted fangirl. You've made a loyal reader out of me.
Histories de le Coeur
Jasminta Blossom chapter 9 . 8/20/2012
You updated and finished the story! I was beginning to think you'd abandoned it.

I actually liked the ending. Although it was really ambiguous, it was a lot better than having Mercutio waiting for Benvolio to rush into his arms saying 'Oh, I loved you along, I just didn't realise until I lost you, blah blah'

And it wasn't sucky yaoi. It was better than a lot of stories where the focus is just to get the two main character's in each other's pants. It's kind of like...the sex had a point, if you know what I mean, as it was actually part of the plot, rather than porn that was the only point of the story.

Well done on completing the story, and I will be keeping it in my favs.
Senshi Sun aka Magic Ink chapter 2 . 6/7/2012
Alright, second chapter!

This chapter provides an interesting lead-in to the party scene. It also provided the introduction to Mercutio. I like what's happening. Mercutio getting drunk is a good explanation for his"Queen Mab" monologue later on.

This time, I found more spelling and grammatical errors. I don't know why these showed up, but I think it's because you didn't have time to edit this chapter. One thing I noticed was "God-den", which should be "Good e'en".

The language for your original dialogue slipped too. The language seems far too informal and modern. I'm not saying that your words need to be perfect, they just need to be more formal. Read more Shakespeare. Read people like Chaucer, who lived in the same time period. Use a modern translation if you need too (Sparknotes has good ones). Take note of the style and slang used at the time. Nobody in the Renascence would say "fucking". They would probably use more religious terms. Also, I'm pretty sure they use "ho" instead of "oi".

Even though your style has gotten a bit shabby, the story is salvageable. I still want to read more.
Senshi Sun aka Magic Ink chapter 1 . 6/7/2012
My class has been reading Romeo and Juliet in the Shakespeare unit. You bring some new ideas to a tale that seems tired and overused- especially that balcony scene.

I like how you combined Shakespeare's dialogue with your own story. I couldn't find any faults with the lines you remembered. Your original dialogue meshes well with the original. The only things I could find that stood out were "Time flies when you're having fun", which I'm fairly sure nobody said in that day, and your was of marking author's notes.

You've done a wonderful job. I will enjoy the next chapter.
Jasminta Blossom chapter 8 . 6/6/2012
Oh, poor Benvolio. You can really tell that he just feels like crap and is really disorientated in this chapter. You did get me about the poisoning bit, I thought that might be your reason why he disappears from the last half of the play! I wonder what will happen when he goes to see the Friar. Is that the reason for his disappearance, I wonder...?
Jasminta Blossom chapter 7 . 6/4/2012
Noooo, Mercutio! I was kind of hoping there would be elopement, but I guess not. I feel awful for Benvolio. Mercutio just acted like last night never happened, and he died with Romeo's name on lips, which will be hard for Benvolio because he'll never get any closure.

I also liked how Benvolio was swearing to himself. That seemed credible, because although everyone thinks he's the calm and rational one, they barely ever think past that, about what he's thinking. And obviously, he's going through a turmoil of emotions!

As for other pairings, I think Rosencrantz and Guildenstern(sp?) is quite cute, although I'm not as familiar with Hamlet as Romeo and Juliet. R&J has always been my favourite, because of Mercutio. I've seen bits of that anime, but I'm not that big on anime and stuff. As for Tybalt wearing glasses, sure, why not?
Jasminta Blossom chapter 6 . 6/4/2012
You weren't going to continue because of the mess-up with Rosaline? That's daft, I thought it was fine! And her explanation about disliking the Montague boys made complete sense. I always like it when writers pick up on the ghost characters - Rosaline, Valentine, etc. It shows that they know the text and are willing to go the extra mile to make it as authentic as possible. You must continue because I want to find out why Benvolio doesn't appear in the later half of the play.

Also, Histoire de le Coeur (great name) I've seen that clip as well. It cracks me up every time I see it!
Histoire de le Coeur chapter 7 . 6/3/2012
Because you were wonderfully speedy with your updating and my feelings for this chapter were much like the last, I have but two things to say:

1. First some editing: I believe you meant "Lady Capulet in all her evilness", not Lady Montague.


2. Despite being a hardcore Bencutio shipper (as you know), I actually preferred Mercutio dying with Romeo's name on his lips. I think it made it a lot more tragic for Benvolio that way. :'(


Histoire de le Coeur
Histoire de le Coeur chapter 6 . 6/3/2012
Wow, I really found this chapter full of great insights into Benvolio's character like how he feels forced into the role of the "good" one and how he's fed up with it. No one can be that peaceful in a city at war with itself and be genuinely happy about it. Your characterization of Benvolio is so much more three-dimensional and believable than my English teacher's could've ever dreamt of being. Myself being the "good" one in my group of friends (I've always identified with Benvolio in that regard), I know that more goes on beneath the surface than it would appear (like having feelings for one of your best friends who you doubt will ever return those feelings). Bottom line is, you captured that inner turmoil perfectly, myself having experienced it firsthand. A story is just so wonderful when there's an element of relativity to it. And please forgive my mini-vent; with this chapter I couldn't help but feel particularly empathetic.


Histoire de le Coeur

P.S. Your cliffhanger is slowly killing me. Update soon!
Histoire de le Coeur chapter 5 . 5/28/2012
Hey it's me again. Just wanted to say:

First off, sorry I'm so late on reading this new chapter but I still thought I'd drop by and say how wonderful this chapter was. Benvolio waking up to Mercutio flooded my shipper heart with joy. I'm also very intrigued by interesting plot twist. Mercutio and Rosaline? My guess is, she's not to keen on him either. My excitement is ever increasing. Please keep updating! This is a really great fanfiction!

Secondly, I thought you might enjoy this video (I don't know why I didn't suggest it sooner; usually when I find a fellow Bencutio shipper it's the first thing that comes to my mind):

www. youtube watch?vwiG3TVmfePA

If the link doesn't show up, on youtube the video is entitled "Benvolio is beautiful". This is all mere suggestion of course. Don't feel at all obliged to watch it, if you do not wish to.

Keep writing!


Histoire de le Coeur
Jasminta Blossom chapter 5 . 4/19/2012
Hey, no worries about that slip-up. I barely noticed it and I don't think you should go to the trouble of changing it.

But, anyway, I loved when Benvolio woke up in Mercutio's arms! I'd have liked to have seen more of that post-sex after glow between them, though. I also liked how Benvolio mused on his name. People talk about the name meaning of all the characters all the time, but it was nice to see how a character felt about how their name fitted them.

And so Mercutio's been arranged to marry Rosaline? Gosh, if Juliet wasn't on the scene then that would be awkward between him and Romeo! Also, how do plan on reversing her life of chastity thing, because if you get married, most likely you aren't going to stay chaste! So, keep up the good work, and I look forward to the next chapter :)
Histoire de le Coeur chapter 4 . 4/14/2012
Just so you know, I haven't used my account in years. I've just retreated into the darkness to read fanfiction quietly and undisturbed. Then I began reading this story, was genuinely intrigued, but didn't review because I didn't want to resurrect a forsaken account. I figured because this was such a great story that you'd get so many praising reviews and mine wouldn't be missed. However...this chapter...The ever-hungry Bencutio shipper inside me simply could no longer resist the urge to make my eternal and absolute approval known nor endure the injustice of this wonderful work only have two reviews from the same person. So I emerge from the shadows to tell you that this story is amazing and I wouldn't have you change a thing about it. I'm sure you'll have me weeping like a child by the end. Bencutio is the most beautiful couple in the play and I'm overjoyed that someone has taken the time to give them a story beyond the play while the main drama is still unfolding. I'm interested to see where your's takes them and I just want you to know that I am hanging onto every last word. Please continue to update even if it's only for a few loyal readers. This couple means the world to me. Write on!


Histoire de le Coeur
Jasminta Blossom chapter 4 . 4/13/2012
I love you two, lol. It takes time for people to review, don't worry. Best thing to do is to go around reviewing other stories that are similar and people will come and check you out.

But anyway, I loved this chapter! I'm a massive Tybalt/Rosaline shipper, so when I read that sentence about them at the beginning I got all excited for a second. The scene with Benvolio/Mercutio at the end was cute, heh heh, I'm a real sucker for R&J slash even though I don't write it. It's my guilty pleasure, I guess. And I'm glad you didn't go all graphic and stuff, it leaves more to imagination and leaves the reader wanting more. I didn't review the other two chapters (sorry) but can I just say I loved the scene where they played dressup at Merc's house and stole Escalus' booze!
Jasminta Blossom chapter 1 . 4/2/2012
I loved the way you wrote Benvolio in this, and I liked the extra added dialogue. The bit about Tybalt losing his shoulder made me chuckle - you got the bit about Benvolio having a subtle wit of his own that everyone else forgets about! And the awkward sex bit...that is such a Mercutio thing to say!

So, anyway, can't wait for the next part, to see Mercutio and for the action!