|Reviews for Onii chan no Daisuki|
| Andrea Itzel n.n chapter 1 . 1/11
en cerio me gusto mucho la historia, me gusta como se ven ellos 2 juntos (aunque sean hermanos hacen bonita pareja nwn)
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/31/2014
Thank you pal this fanfiction is wonderful
| magic135 chapter 1 . 7/5/2013
| Big Daddy Joe chapter 1 . 10/21/2012
Bad of the story was good though.
| sun setsuna chapter 1 . 9/13/2012
Rito is truly gentle person. As a man or brother. I hope i could be like him.
Nice story. :)
| UzuKunoichi chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
Fantastic! I'd love to see more stuff like this. :D
| The To LOVE-Ru Reviewer chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
Aw, a nice warm brother-sister fic. The section needs more of them :) Welcome to the To LOVE-Ru section, now let's get this review started!
(All ratings out of 5 stars.)
Sigh, it seems like everyone's said what I would say, but let's see if I can get anything new out.
Okay, first off- grammar; verb tense, more specifically. Lots of mistakes here. Your overall writing style is okay, but besides the grammar issues, you have a habit of explaining everything to the readers. Show- don't tell. Readers are smart; they can figure out what's going on without having the story spelled out to them.
The story is nice, it's simple, its setup is suited for the type of story presented. It's not magnificent, but it does its purpose.
No one really ever does a story like this, so it's refreshing to have it on the section.
Oh, and the title- Daisuki doesn't actually mean "love." It's very close to it, but in actuality it's more akin to "really, really like." Further more, the way you wrote the title isn't the appropriate or correct way to write it to begin with.
An adequate job. All the problems can be fixed with time and practice, among other things. I'm interested in seeing your next fic.
| Steel Anjel chapter 1 . 4/2/2012
Ah, it's nice to see a new author appear on the archives!
Ok. Let's get into it. I read Gitah-Muttan's review and find that I agree with nearly all of his points.
First, grammar needs some work. After you finish writing, back off for a while. Maybe leave it overnight. When you come back to it again, read your story through, word-for-word. If you can, read it out-loud. I find that reading it out loud can more easily bring attention to grammar and missing words because often, if it doesn't sound right, it isn't right. This is all assuming you know what to look for.
Now, plot-wise. The plot seemed very basic, but this is most definitely not bad, especially in the case of a fluffy one-shot. For what it was used for, the plot isn't much of a problem. Just keep in mind that if you intend to write chapter fics, know what you want to happen and throw a curveball at your audience every now and then.
Word-wise. Touching on what Gitah-Muttan said, more descriptive words would definitely be a plus. Take some time to pause at a particular section of the story and describe things. What's the environment like, how do the characters see things, what do the characters think about while mentally idle, and so on. Sometimes, all this may seem completely pointless and not needed for the plot. But it really fills out what would be a dry, blank slate, giving something that the reader can immerse themselves into.
That's all I got except for one more thing.
I have decided to humbly offer to be your beta.
| Repiece chapter 1 . 4/2/2012
Nice fluff story between Rito and Mikan! I liked it!
| ChaoticReviewer chapter 1 . 4/2/2012
I really liked it, i look forward to more stories by you in the future ( if you decide to make more that is)
| GitahMuttan chapter 1 . 4/1/2012
I find it quite funny that I checked this story first before your crossover. I found the summary interesting- which is a great way to pull readers.
Story-wise, it's fine. A good brother sister interaction is what this section needs. Just don't rush it and try to add more flavor. I mean, add more words and sentences to make your story longer and more enjoyable.
Grammar, I think you need to focus on this. There are errors lying around in this story but the most noticeable are the missing articles. Sometimes, you forgot to use the word 'a' or 'an' in a sentence. Try checking your story and you'll see what I mean.
Another noticeable error is the usage of verb tenses. Sometimes, the tense you use is not appropriate with the sentence. This is a hard thing to master, even I am having a hard time in terms of verbs.
Don't worry, this'll be solved easily if you get a beta OR proofread your chapters.
Good luck on writing! And thanks for the nice addition to the small to love-ru archive!
P.S. I'm only good at detecting these kind of errors but I'm not that good at applying them.
P.S.S. I'll read your crossover. I've already read some part of it.