|Reviews for Would You Miss Me?|
| amandaholmes chapter 1 . 8/18/2012
to anon. Thank you so much for your input. I'll definitely keep that in mind when I write the next chapter, and after reading it I agree that it is a bit rushed. I did sort of abandon it for awhile, and I honestly didn't know that many people liked this story. I'll definitely slow it down a bit, and don't think you're rude. I love that you're willing to let me know this because I'm all for people telling me these things. I know i'm not the perfect writer and I want to improve. I just wanted to thank you for your post, and how much it means to me. Also how much it means to me that all of you commented on this story. :D
| RandomCommenter chapter 2 . 8/16/2012
Wow. I'll admit, I didn't expect this story to get a second chapter. I though it was abandoned(like so many others). I'm glad that you decided to continue this story because this does seem very interesting.
Let's start off with the good. From what I can tell, the concept of the story is really interesting. It's nice that Cole has someone to talk to about his problems and not judge him on his actions. I think that's an interesting direction to go. Cole is usually very reluctant to talk about his past in the game, but with Cole is at the lowest point in his life, he was bound to break down sooner or later. I also like on how it focuses on Cole trying to bring himself back up again, and it seems he won't be doing it alone.
Also, Joanne seems like an interesting character. She has quite a bit of depth to her character and I hope we'll be able to see more of that as the story continues.
The scene with the farm is really well done. The dialogue is funny and we defiantly see more of a link between the two characters I'll give you points for that. Though, I have a hard time imagining Cole riding a horse.
Now for the bad,
While the first chapter had the right amount of pacing for the story, things seemed to be a bit rushed in the second. Cole and Joanne seem to be getting a bit too close a bit too quickly. I mean, the kissing? the '"I wouldn't miss this for the world."' line? Really? After the whole affair thing, I highly doubt Cole would be willing to be involved with another woman...at least not right away. Their relationship just didn't seem to developed enough for them to be doing that kind of stuff. You might want to be considering backing up a bit.
One other thing,(and this was a problem in the first chapter as well), there were parts that seemed that would be a good conversation between the two but the entire thing is summarized in a paragraph under exposition. For example, in the first chapter, Cole talks about his affair and what happened relating to it to Joanne. This would have make an interesting conversation and would have really made the chapter better, but instead we're told that the conversation happened and how it turned out. It's the same thing in the second chapter. Cole talks about his experience in the war(which, by the way, I highly doubt Cole would talk about "everything" about it) and Joanne talks about her childhood and her biggest dream. The would have made for an excellent conversation and would have helped developed Joanne a bit more, but it's potential gone to waste. I would have liked to have known what the actual dialogue was as well as they're reactions to each other's experiences. It would make the story more genuine that way. In other words, Show. Don't tell.
I might come off as being a bit too harsh, but I would like to see this story reach its full potential and I'm pretty sure that you do as well. I hope that you take what I've said in to consideration. I like L.A. noire and I can tell that you liked it enough to write a story involving its main character. I hope to see more in the near future.
(P.S. This is probably the longest review I've ever written. )
| Colorful Moniker Captain Hook chapter 2 . 8/6/2012
Aww, Cole is like a little boy XD
| Magicaller chapter 1 . 4/26/2012
I just got done reading the first chapter. I can't help but like the Cole and Joanne relationship already. I can't wait to read more.
| Nollac chapter 1 . 4/11/2012
This is fantastic! Great story so far. I've just written my own L.A. Noire fanfiction and it would be greatly appreciated if you could check it out, because this story that I read today inspired me to write it a couple of hours ago :)
| ApocalypticFyre chapter 1 . 4/9/2012
Hi is this a one shot? Because it's really good and I really want this story to progress and become even better.