|Reviews for More than just Teammates|
| LetsSeeIfICanDoThisToo chapter 3 . 5/12
... i think its extremely unnatural how your harry keeps sayung ladies, males and bodies. It rarely occurs in the english language.. then there is thr fact that they appear to be no more than future cum dumpsters in the way you dont show their personalities, and the few times we do see them its only about invitations regarding sex.
The whole way the story is written makes me feel like its written by someone from a third world country in asia or the middle east... there is nothing wrong with that but it does show no rreal attempt was made to fit the story into the culture it takes place in. As it stands i could easily believe this harry was some indian OC.
The title also eludes to sex. Thats not bad, everyone likes reading smut. However, to make it fun to read the story needs to be a lot more fluent.
Currently everything is stated in facts, without any indication whatsoever of the knowledge and has unusual words inserted.
Its like telling someone the ending, with no build up or whatsoever. There is no tension in the story at all. The MC is suddenly all knowing, acts completely OC, the story itself is jerky with no transitions between scenes, it simply takes place instantly, without so much as an indicator to indicate its a new scene.
Also fleur delaceur, the french girl suddenly speaks dutch instead of french to her headmistress ? Meester is dutch not fench. Meister would be german.
For furure stories, i would like to you support your plotline with atleast 5 minutes of research. If you read and seen the movies, then you should have realised no one spams the word ladies in english. Males is almost never used, only when dealing eith animals, as such its men, if it has to be a single gender school.
Pottermore the official potterverse fansite could have essily shown up in the first google search on the school and given you the details on them.
I do hope that you keep writing and improving the quality of your storytelling as you go.
You coule actually gain valuable tips from writingexcuses, a site made by prominent writers eith podcasts and tips to help improve your writing.
I look forward to seeing your plots worked out at a higher quality.
| nightwing27 chapter 14 . 5/12
too bad their not that many stories where harry finishes those losers like that good thing all my stories tom and death eaters will meet their end early. No way harry will go through 7 year hell
| LetsSeeIfICanDoThisToo chapter 2 . 5/11
The formatting is great. I like the plot so far. I like the romantic partners chosen. Love you ditched Ron.
I do suggest working on your dialogd. The reason being that theyre too un natural it is like hearing a robot talking in emotionless facts.
| The Lord of Voldemort of Rivia chapter 2 . 4/13
This looks like 8 year old wrote it with loose concept of what a story should look like.
| WhiteEagle1985 chapter 15 . 12/22/2016
An amazing story here! Thanks for posting it here!
| James Lysander chapter 4 . 10/16/2016
My favourite female Gryffindors are Alicia Spinnet, Angelina Johnson and Katie
Bell, and my favourite Hufflepuff girls are Hannah Abbot and Susan Bones.
My favourite Ravenclaws are Penelope Clearwater, Half-blood Head Girl, Luna
Lovegood and Orla Quirke. In closing, my favourite Slytherin girls are Daphne
Greengrass, Astoria Greengrass and Tracey Davis.
| VonPelt chapter 2 . 10/1/2016
Honestly this is a train wreck. I expected a ridiculous but humorous plot and the idea certainly potential but the writing is awful. The dialogue feels unnatural, the entire story feels rushed and absurdly exaggerated (to the point it is not funny anymore). Even seeing it as parody won't save this.
| Ashamed chapter 3 . 8/14/2016
It's sad to say that you have no creativity whatsoever. Not only are you basically copying and pasting everything from your earlier fanfiction, but you're also using a rude Ron even though there has never been a conflict between the two. The only thing you changed was the fine details. I'm disgusted with you're lack of originality.
| The Lord of Voldemort of Rivia chapter 3 . 6/27/2016
I am not sure what am I reading :/ It is written in such a way that it is only acceptable for children story but it is M rated. Plus people just don't go and change completely in a week. And for God's sake who the hell asks girls will you be my gf and can we kiss. The hell? Plus you never give anyone who can be your sexual interest the talk, just wont happen. My advice to future readers is don't read this...
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/16/2016
Is this another Harry is Lord Potter-Black-Merlin-Gryffindor-Hufflepuff-Slytherin-Ravenclaw-Peverell-King Arthur's descendant-High Elves Prince(Though there is no such thing in the HP Universe) etc etc., story, where he becomes a rich political genius in one night and takes control of the entire wizarding world in a week's time and also becomes the most powerful wizard ever by just having random powers being unlocked that had been suppressed by Dumbledore?
| Haytham1725 chapter 10 . 1/27/2016
If you are worried about the "purging" thing, you can post a backup at "Archive of Our Own" as this is where most smut fanfictions were relegated there and it is in beta state despite the site was created since two or three years at that time.
Also, I love your fanfics and I hope that you can write more if you have time. Oh and BTW, please get a beta reader if you wish to fix mistakes on your fanfics.
| Mr Biggs chapter 3 . 1/11/2016
this is written like some ten year old drop out wrote it.
| Bronze chapter 1 . 10/5/2015
I know not if you still read reviews from this story or not but I shall leave you one just the same. someone Has been stealing from Harry. As only Dumbledore and Molly have had his key, one or booth must be the thief. Unless, of course, there was a book keeping error somewhere. But as the Goblins pride themselves on keeping accurate records, that's highly unlikely. With that said, you've more then given me reason to continue reading.
| Copied chapter 1 . 10/5/2015
This has been copyed from a fanfiction whith the pairing HP/DG/TD/AG
| AcroVenom chapter 15 . 9/19/2015
I wish you could make more of these, i finished this and the harem war, and they were amazing. Please make more chapters for the harem war, its the only thing I read most of the time. And can I be announced as review 250 or something please, I just wish I could help you with this.