Reviews for Xanyr's Decision
AKAAkira chapter 1 . 4/7/2012
Eh...first, you might want to break some of this with the ENTER key. Big paragraphs tend to be psychologically discouraging, and a new topic or the involvement of dialogue merits line breaks anyways.

Second...huh, I don't think I can really put this kindly, but...there was a lot of unnecessary stuff in here. The explanation for the dungeon mechanics were, while good, not really involved with the transformation into a Dark Knight. The Borzoi, too, did little but to walk with its master. The transformation into Paladin before 6:00 a.m. was more a reflection of Mabinogi habits than anything else (though this last one can be debatable). If effect, it's probably better to either force them to relate with the main event, probably through some kind of a metaphor or the building of tension, or just cut them out entirely.

Which brings me to my last point: the summary was more than a little inaccurate. I went in thinking I'd be reading an internal mental battle; instead I find the decision already made and only the process of doing it described. It hadn't really been filled up with the main meat of the story at all, whether it be the apprehension of turning or the pain of resolving that you intended to write.

Still, take my word for it: for a first fic, this ain't half bad, and it certainly had a lotta potential. Hope to see you around some more?