Reviews for Of Perfume, Liquor, and Baby Bottles
Syncchick chapter 44 . 7/4
Very nice take on HG! I loved reading it from Effie's POV. And I felt you were true to the characters. Really, a great story!
JasmineRaven chapter 26 . 4/9
Great chapter!

["You let a stalk of broccoli get the best of you? Cause that's what she looks like in that getup."] This had me laughing uncontrollably! My favourite Haymitch line of the chapter without a doubt.

[The voice is soft, hesitant, almost as if who ever is speaking is slightly fearful of my response.] [My lips switch, threatening a frown.] Something that was very evident in this chapter is your attention to detail, even small detail. You describe in detail things such as a person's voice, subtle movements, gestures and facial expressions. It makes it easier and more interesting to read and visualise the story when details and descriptions like that are provided. Great job!

[get at sooner or later."] I think 'at' should be 'out'

Well done! Keep up the excellent writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 25 . 4/7
["Not alone," he says quietly, "I'll be right by your side."] Some lovely moments between Haymitch and Effie in this chapter. I thought this line was very sweet. And you manage to keep them in character excellently.

["That wig looks nice on you, Effie." Peeta is the first to break the awkward silence the air holds. "The gold really brings out your eyes."] Something I'm not sure if I've commented on before is your portrayal of Peeta. You capture is politeness and kindness perfectly, especially through your dialogue.

I didn't come across any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors, so well done for that.

Overall, a well written chapter. I really enjoyed reading this one.

Well done! Keep up the excellent writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 24 . 4/3
[How embarrassing this is. How random when merely seconds before I was virtually fine. I must look horrid.] You always do a great job of expressing Effie's thoughts realistically in various situations. I think similar thoughts to these when I'm crying in front of people. With the Capitol people's obsessions with appearance, I can only imagine the embarrassment being more intense.

[Haymitch just holds me, saying nothing as he did before.] I thought the hug at the end was very sweet. Your chapters always seem to end on either a sweet moment or powerful one, which I love.

[the smirk present on his face causes the corners of my mouth to twitch into a frown] Capital letter for "The"

[Preside] President.

Well done! Keep up the excellent writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 23 . 4/2
[A young pretty woman with long brown hair that's tied back into a bun, with arms wrapped around two boys who look no older than there teenage years. The youngest, I assume he is, has messy dark hair much like his mother's, he's smiling-no, beaming with happiness at whoever is holding the camera. It's not until my eyes fall on the eldest boy, his all too familiar dark curls, Seam gray eyes, and rather crooked grin, do I finally realize who I'm looking at.] I liked this detailed description you gave of the picture of Haymitch's family. You painted the picture with words excellently (except 'there' in the first sentence should be 'their').

["I had a family once," he says, "and I let them die. And maybe it's a second chance or fate's sick way of pulling one on me, but now I have a new family. Like my family before, it's because of me they are in danger. But this time, I'm changing the rules." My heart begins to pound as his eyes lock onto mine, "this time I don't plan to let them die."] This part. Wow. I honestly don't know what to say. We're heading into 'emotional, touching, deep and meaningful lines from conversations you'd find in movies' territory. Not only did I find this part incredibly touching and full of emotion, part it was also very well written. As I said, it felt like a scene from a movie. You definitely have a way with words when it comes to dialogue. This would have to be one of my favourite parts in the entire story so far. We see a totally different side of Haymitch, but at the same time he's very much in character. I don't know how you did it, but it worked, and I love it.

Well done! Keep up the brilliant writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 22 . 4/1
I really like your characterisation of Posy. She was innocent and adorable with a lovable personality. You did well to give her the vocabulary and understanding of a young child ("I don't have a tail") and the attention span ("I was a few moments ago," she says peering up at me, "but now I want to do something else") which made her quite realistic.

["I like this wig a lot," she exclaims, "But..." and I watch as her travel over to Haymitch, "I want to see Mr. Abernathy wear it now!"] I loved the part with Haymitch and the wig. Such an excellent idea for adding humour to the chapter.

[It was not made known to me until recently that you and the District Twelve victor, Haymitch Abernathy, are expecting a child.] The letter at the end caught me by surprise. I can't believe President Snow found out about the baby and that Haymitch is the father! That's bound to cause worry. Great way to end the chapter.

I didn't come across any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors, so well done for that.

Well done! Keep up the brilliant writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 21 . 4/1
Great chapter! I can't wait to read the next part to it. Effie and Haymitch trying to handle a young child will surely be interesting.

["When you finally stop using so much magenta mascara and open your eyes, maybe you'll see there's more to what you're told to believe, Princess." Haymitch replies gruffly.] Favourite Haymitch line of the chapter.

[Yellow tinted skin accompanied by the dark circles of exhaustion that bag underneath his eyes.] Good description!

Again, your characterisation of all the characters was perfect. Also, I didn't come across any major spelling, grammar or punctuation errors.

Overall, a well written chapter.

Well done! Keep up the excellent writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 20 . 4/1
I enjoyed reading the conversations between Haymitch and Effie. They were rather light-hearted and fun. I also like the way their relationship is slowly developing.

["Half Pint?" I ask with confusion, "Who in Panem is Half Pint?] Ohy goodness, this conversation between Haymitch and Effie was hilarious. I can't believe he nicknamed the baby Half Pint. Haha!

["Alright," he says after a minute, "Not like I have anything else exciting to do."] Again, the dialogue you write for Haymitch fits his character perfectly. He's always sarcastic, seemingly unimpressed. Your characterisation is continuously excellent.

There were a couple of missed commas, and a few periods where commas should be in some of the dialogue, but apart from that I didn't come across any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors.

Well done! Keep up the excellent writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 19 . 4/1
I like the way you skilfully combined your own writing with sections of dialogue from the book. It all came together really well.

["I'm the one who has to pull the names from the reaping bowl. I'm the one whose going to determine whether it's you or Peeta going in even before he decides to volunteer. Me. I'm the one who could determine your fate."] This part was powerful. I never thought about what it would feel like for Effie to be the one "choosing" who goes into the Games, ultimately to their death. And to make matters worse, there is the possibility that she would "choose" Haymitch, the father of her child.

["There's only one person to blame for this and he doesn't wear obnoxiously pink wigs."] Favourite Haymitch line from this chapter.

["That may be." Haymitch replies]
I would put a comma instead of a full stop after 'be'.

[finally did the math, did you, sweetheart?] 'finally' should have a capital 'F'.

[ "I know that it must've been heard to choose between them both."] 'Heard' should be 'hard'.

(I've realised that my spelling/grammar/punctuation correcting probably means nothing, as this story was completed ages ago, but it's just something I do out of habit. I try not to waste my time being too picky. Think of it as proof that I pay very close attention to the story while I'm reading.)

Well done! Keep up the great writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 18 . 3/31
Great chapter!

[The kind of silence that tugs at your heart strings, twists in your stomach, causes your blood to boil with regret and mortification.] I just love this sentence for some reason. The powerful description of the silence and the perfect wording just make it stand out to me. Come to think of it, the whole first paragraph really stood out to me. It was perfectly worded.

[Haymitch is going back into the reaping bowl...] Powerful way to end the chapter.

I didn't come across any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors, so well done for that.

Overall, a very well written chapter!

Well done! Keep up the excellent writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 17 . 3/31
[And with anger, hormones, and heat raging inside of me, I'm compelled to do something that is not at all proper, not at all appropriate, something that I will most definitely curse myself for doing later. I push myself forward, arms extended, and crash my lips against Haymitch's.] I love how you built up to this moment. It started off just with a bit of talking, relatively calm, but the tension was definitely there as Haymitch's attitude continued to make Effie angry. Then, Effie finally snapped and shouted at him. Then, there was that question: "What else do you want from me?". I think a question in the middle of a situation like that is the perfect way to create tension. It acts like a pause. And then you finished off with the kiss, leaving readers eager to read the aftermath. You pace your scenes and build the tension so perfectly, and that's one of the many things that makes your writing so interesting to read. Well done.

["Yes, I do hope so too, Cinna." I say with a smile.] I would add a comma after Cinna instead of a full stop. Otherwise "I say with a smile" becomes a completely different sentence. I noticed the error a couple of times throughout the dialogue, but that was all.

Well done! Keep up the excellent writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 16 . 3/31
[The rays of sunlight beam through the window appearing even brighter as they dance off the ice crystals blanketing the frosty windowpane.] Beautiful description!

[I'm left standing here by myself, secretly wishing that the man in the other room would show just a little more compassion, a little more friendliness towards me. My stomach twists with a new feeling. Not one of worry. Not one of sickness. But one of loneliness.] I like the way you ended the chapter solemnly. You're really good at setting and changing the tone and mood of your chapters in a way that allows readers to feel for the characters. I feel sorry for poor Effie.

["Apparently Princess here felt the baby move last night." Haymitch says] After 'night', I would put a comma instead of a period, otherwise 'Haymitch says' becomes a whole other sentence. I noticed this a few times in the dialogue throughout the chapter.

Still loving the story. I'm glad I came across this story once it had already been completed, because it means I never have to wait for chapters. I can just keep reading and reading and reading.

Well done! Keep up the great writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 15 . 3/29
Another great chapter! I really enjoyed this one.

["It wasn't me who did that! Just because I'm from the Capitol doesn't mean I did this! And I would take it kindly if you'd stop blaming me for everything, Haymitch Abernathy."] I like the way you had Effie react in this situation. Nobody feels good being blamed for everything, and her emotional sensitivity, due to her pregnancy, would make the comments even more upsetting.

[It's the feeling like small bubbles popping or the soft flutter of butterfly wings.] I liked your description for this feeling. Having never been pregnant myself, I have no idea what it would feel like. And maybe it feels different to how you described it, but it doesn't matter, because at least you provided an excellent description of what it could feel like for the sake of the story.

[ "After all of these years, I still can feel surprised." But I know what he means. Not surprised. But happy. After all of these years, all of these hardships others have talked about him being through, he feels happiness.] This made me smile a lot. Haymitch avoids using the word happy, probably because he's assumed the emotion is now impossible, but it's obvious that he is happy, whether he admits it or not. I thought this moment was very sweet.

Just some things to consider:

["I'm not going to." I say quietly, blotting at my eyes with a nearby napkin.] I would use a comma instead of a period. ["I'm not going to," I say quietly]

[I peer up at him waiting for him to make some snide comment but he doesn't.] I would add a comma after 'him' and 'comment'.

["I felt something." I whisper, my hand traveling over my stomach.]
I would use a comma instead of a period. ["I felt something," I whisper]

Well done! Keep up the excellent writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 14 . 3/29
Another great chapter!

[Fortunately, he came to his senses in time before harm came to anything besides my poor plum crocodile leather handbag. I'll never forgive him for that either. That bag was one of a kind.] Haha, definitely sounds like something Effie would say. Perfectly in character.

[The golden brown slowly sizzles into a dull gray as black smoke wafts up into the air creating a most unpleasant smell of burning.] Great description!

["Didn't want to have to explain your frozen corpse to the locals is all."] There's always that amusing, perfectly in character line of Haymitch's in each chapter that makes me laugh, or at the very least smile. This was definitely it.

[Haymitch has had to of have grown] You need to get rid of either 'of' or 'have'.

[Now, as a child my mother was quite the cook.] I would add another comma. [Now, as a child, my mother was quite the cook.]

Well done! Keep up the excellent writing!

Jaz
JasmineRaven chapter 13 . 3/29
[The ice crystals dance as the warm glow from the Everdeens' household reflects off of them through the cracked door.] Great description!

[What do I wish for this child?] Great use of questions throughout this chapter. I think it shows a lot about Effie's thoughts and perspective on things.

[ I fear could scare a child both physically and mentally.] Wondering if this is maybe supposed to be 'scar' instead of 'scare'.

Apart from that, I didn't come across any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors.

Well done! Keep up the excellent writing!

Jaz
1,668 | Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »