|Reviews for Tunnels|
| Edhla chapter 7 . 9/5/2014
I'm kind of with Tommy on this issue, anyway: whether he was responsible for the mine accident or not, he clearly has no way of getting them all out again, so there's no point in throwing accusations around. I like the way you characterised Rebecca as slightly immature there, though... it's a believable flaw that propels the action but doesn't make her too unsympathetic.
There were quite a few epithets in this chapter, which might not matter so much for someone who is not canon blind - the 63, the store owner, etc. Still, I find in most cases it's easier and better to use a person's name or gender pronoun where possible.
I lol'd about the "unstable things that might get us killed" line. Yes, exactly... if our heroes (and villains) weren't constantly messing about like that, it'd be a pretty boring work of canon!
The escape seemed a little contrived there, with the parting in the rocks just large and near enough for him to escape at the exact opportune moment, but then if that's the tone of your canon I've no beef with it :)
Thanks for writing x
| Edhla chapter 6 . 9/5/2014
I knew it! I knew something like this would happen. I don't know if I'd be impressed with Rebecca if I were her friends... she really lost her head and pursued Tommy into a dangerous situation, so shouldn't be surprised at the result. I'm hoping nobody we like will end up dead, but if anything like that happens, she'll likely have a lot of guilt to contend with.
[(never mind Rebecca)] This read a little oddly to me, as if it was an authorial intrusion acknowledging an inconsistency in your storytelling. To be honest, if you hadn't pointed it out, I wouldn't have noticed :p
| Edhla chapter 5 . 9/5/2014
I'm canon blind when it comes to this show, but I like your portrayal of Rebecca as driven and determined, and hard as nails even when it would make more sense for her to take a back seat :p I hope you won't mangle her too badly by the end of the story, though I sense some whump in the future. :) I like that you differentiate between whether she couldn't wor wouldn't look after herself.
[Baby Doe] Is that canon or your own invention? I really like it... suddenly an entire culture opened up before me (and I come from a family of coal miners!)
[want t sneak] Want to sneak?
[all that did was that she catch him] I know what you mean by this phrase, but I had to read it twice to fully understand it, as it's slightly awkward. "All that mattered was that she catch him", or something like that perhaps?
Reading on :)
| Edhla chapter 4 . 9/1/2014
That's an interesting point about the sickly-looking land, and well-placed there; I get the idea that it may become important later, without it being the sort of thing you'd expect Rebecca to pursue immediately.
I was a bit confused by "the blond", partly because of canon-blindness and partly becuase "blond" is the male spelling, with "blonde" being the female. I think in most cases it's better to use a pronoun like "she", or the character's name, rather than an epithet, though; later you also use "the former agent" and "her bedmate" in this way, too.
I like Howard's way of expressing himself, which is distinct but not a parody; little things like "I seen you" instead of "I saw you" feel very natural.
[Did the four of them] This gave me pause, but not because it's wrong or anything; I'm just wondering who's "head" we're in, so to speak. At the beginning of the scene I thought it was Rebecca, but she "sounded" extremely sure of herself when she said they'd have to stress their advantage, rather than you saying she *was* extremely sure of herself, making me wonder...
Anyway, a lot to think about in this chapter x
| Edhla chapter 3 . 9/1/2014
I like the give and take between Rebecca and Ray in that first scene. I really like that Rebecca has the maturity to recognise when Ray's scared and worried and to stand her ground, but be respectful and kind about it instead of stomping out with "I DO WHAT I WANT" (or something :p) Nice parallel between that scene and the one that follows with Hauser giving Lucy the it's-too-dangerous spiel to Lucy.
Nice show of characterisation where Hauser doesn't know if Rebecca and Soto are shocked that he can fly a plan because they assumed he was incompetent or not :p It would take a fairly insecure person to read the situation that way, I think.
Rebecca's flashback is nicely done, not going into too much detail or going on for too long. I enjoyed this chapter x
Just a couple of typos:
[ect., ect. she waved] Etc., etc. She waved
[Rebeca felt a pang] Rebecca felt a pang
| Edhla chapter 2 . 9/1/2014
Rebecca's reaction to having a near-death experience (death experience, technically?) was pretty hilarious, in a dark kind of way :D
[Hasuer] This crops up twice. Typo for 'Hauser'?
I like the way you infuse the third-person narration with Rebecca's fiery personality, particularly in the last couple of paragraphs of this chapter. The "cough" threw me out of the story slightly as breaking the fourth wall a little, but it did make me smile.
Just a note on formatting:
[Rebecca screeched] Since the dialogue above this is what Rebecca is screeching, I'm thinking it might read better on the same line. It happens a few times in this chapter where Character A's dialogue occupies the same line as Character B's action, making it a little difficult to work out who's speaking. But your mileage always varies in stylistic things.
Reading on :)
| Edhla chapter 1 . 8/31/2014
I'm only a little familiar with this fandom, but this is a nice start. I do like a bit of whump and hospital scenes will always pique my interest. Poor Rebecca, though. The bit where she was worried about being left alone made me want to cry.
The scene transitions ("Hospital, Waiting Room...") are a little awkward as they're not really part of the narrative and break a little from them, and there are a couple of punctuation errors dotted here and there, but I otherwise think this is really solid :) x
| Slytherin Studios chapter 3 . 7/25/2013
I like your story, please update soon.
| Mrs. Trickster Queen chapter 2 . 5/3/2012
Please please please update soon! This is really well written and interesting, and you do a really great job of keeping your characters in character. Loved this!
| Lover of Reid chapter 2 . 4/30/2012
That was great and interesting. I like Rebecca's reaction to having died for a period of time. I wonder how long it will take for Rebecca to recover before they can head to Colorado? I can't wait til you update again.
| SLITH chapter 2 . 4/19/2012
Very nice reaction for Rebecca finding out she flatlined...
Loved how you fit in Nikki with Rebecca and her reason for the gift. Then how Nikki wanted to know if they had any leads on Rebecca's attacker.
Very cute with the comment of 'son of a b*tch' and then saying why he couldn't for Ray lol.
A Silvermine? Very interesting. The warden wanted Tommy doing special work for him once he got the special stuff in his veins. This makes a lot of sense _
Love where your going with this, keep up the good work.
| WhatTheCensoredXD chapter 2 . 4/18/2012
You finally update _! Love the chapter since you kept everyone in character. Please continue when you can because this story is interesting :)
| Casie01 chapter 2 . 4/18/2012
I was so happy to see a new chapter of this story. Very interesting sending Tommy to CO to a silver mine great way to tie the silver in their bodies to future storylines. I hope u continue this story I really like it.
| Lover of Reid chapter 1 . 4/9/2012
That was a great start. I'm glad that Rebecca woke from her coma. I wonder how she will react when she learns that Tommy is headed for Colorado? I also wonder how Ray will react when he learns where Tommy is headed? Maybe Ray will tag along with everyone to go after Tommy?
| royal-lover chapter 1 . 4/8/2012
Great start, hope more chapters ..