|Reviews for In The Beginning|
| redwater1314 chapter 1 . 3/26/2005
A big improvement over your first story, couple of errors, but it was alright.
| DirtyMonk chapter 1 . 6/4/2002
This story is VERY confusing and pretty unlikely (c'mon, a guy that survives a bullet to the head and only gets a coma? What is he...some sort of superhero?). You have a lot of grammar and spelling errors in your sentences. I would go back and fix some. The main reason why your story is hard to follow is mainly because you stuff the dialogue between your characters into single paragraphs, making it look all jumbled up. Take for instance this segment:
"Hey, Jeff, wait a sec. Hold up I gotta say something to you." "Yeah, Catalina, you know we gotta go right." "I know we will go or shall I say I will." "Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, what do you mean at least you will, Catalina." " Yeah I mean I know who was the leak and I am gonna stop them right now."
I can tell two characters are talking and replying to each other, yet it reads as if one person is talking. For every character that speaks...give them their own paragraph. You could break that segment above into 4 paragraphs and add dialogue tags (she said, I said, etc.) whenever necessary.
This is an improvement over your last story. You actually use quotation marks this time instead of that strange dash-line scheme. Your strength in this story is dialogue...your characters all speak in a way that is distinguishable from the narration, and that is a good thing. Good job and keep the act up. Ignore those flames...just wonder why you got them and go back and work on your writing.
| Aya-chan chapter 1 . 6/1/2002
There will always be idiots koff-Get a new hobby-koff who can't read. Ignore them. Keep on writing! _
| Get a new hobby chapter 1 . 5/31/2002
Here's a suggestion: Stop. Pick up your shattered ego. Go back to school. Read some books. And stop writing GTA fics!
| The Lotus chapter 1 . 5/27/2002
Wow. That sure did suck. For Jeff, anyway. Well, this is a definite improvement over your last fic. A few grammatical/spelling errors here and there, but overall, not bad. Wish I could think of something scientific to say right about now, but since I can't, I'll go eat some soup. Mmmm...soup.