|Reviews for The Queen's Tryst|
| The Red Star chapter 1 . 5/19/2012
I'd have liked a bit more context with this one. You seem to have set up an interesting background, but it's hard to tell. I get that the true purpose of the fic was for a lemon oneshot between Naruto and Elyon, but this has the potential to be an interesting short story.
There were a few mistakes with this one. The first sentence has a tense problem, and in the second paragraph, journier isn't a word. I'd suggest traveler or voyager, unless you were going for a word that was merely SPELLED like journier. I'm working off of context. Third paragraph, "him from" either take out from, or rewrite to "his form", which I'm guessing is what you were aiming for. Seventh paragraph, "lose" should be "loose". Eighth paragraph, "trailing" should be "trailed". Last sentence, same paragraph, "taking" should be "taken". Tenth paragraph, "capture" should be "captured". All minor errors, but they add up.
All in all, it's good as it is, but it has the potential to be a lot more. Maybe you can come back to it when you have less projects. Who knows?
Forever in the Sky,
The Red Star
| Kalbario chapter 1 . 4/26/2012
kinda wanted to see where this is going or where it came from.
pls update the fury of the kyubi!
| NeonZangetsu chapter 1 . 4/8/2012
Haha cute! X3