|Reviews for Angels vs Demons|
| Tolazytologin chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
I agree completely with everything Rosewaver said, also Scar, seriously Scar, like the evil lion in lion king who tries to murder his brother? I like Scarlet but as soon as you changed it to Scar I was like uh oh spaghetti o!
| Rosewaver chapter 1 . 7/28/2012
"Angel of Goodness?" Seriously? That's the BEST you can come up with? *groans audibly* Well, let's get this over with.
Characterizations- decent. Most of the characters didn't say enough to be sure, but it's already on edge. I don't see Sam apologizing to ANYONE about the way she dresses. Otherwise, it's too early to tell.
Writing in general is all over the place. First off, please choose which tense you want to use before writing a story. Is it past or present? The first two paragraphs were in present tense, before switching over to past tense. It was a little jarring for me, the reader, so try to keep that consistent. Also, a few of your spelling errors are just a little silly. "When a few hours pasted..." I felt an eye twitch on that one. Your grammar isn't horrible, but a few errors like that snuck by. You should keep an eye on them.
The plot is, for want of a better word, cliché. Quite bluntly, I've seen this storyline a million times before; girl who is really an x is being stalked by malevolent y's, only to run into the town hero Danny Phantom. Romance optional. Angels and Demons? Seen it. Do you have anything new to add to this story? Will there be an interesting twist, that turns the basic plot on its head and reveals that there's more to this angel than meets the eye? Or that angels aren't so different than the demons they fight? Either way, I can see where this is going fast.
Now, it's time for my least favorite part- the original character. This "Scarlet Shine". Nice name. Going for the alliterative appeal? Anyways, I don't find her particularly sympathetic. The "Angel of Goodness" isn't a very modest title, you see. And she's not one for subtlety, is she? She outright tells a group of scientists "Oh hey, I'm an angel. I'm getting chased by some demons. Yup, spawns of hell and angels of heaven exist. I have a sad backstory because my mom died and my dad is a recluse. Can I crash here?" I realize that they know that ghosts exist, but Jack and Maddie Fenton are scientists. They have to be a little skeptic of any sob story that shows up on their door. Maybe if a little proof is shown, Jack could be swayed; I'm not sure if even proof would be enough to completely convince Maddie.
Scarlet Shine doesn't seem all that believable of a character to me, though surprisingly enough doesn't strike me as a Mary Sue. Might be on that road, if you aren't careful. Maybe if you show that she can be just as flawed a character as any of the others, I'll be a little more accepting.
A couple suggestions I make of the story in general is a bit more on the back story of the Angels and Demons. Assume that the reader is going into this story with absolutely no clue what an Angel is, or what a Demon is. Show some information of what Scarlet's life was like before this story, and a little history on YOUR angels and demons. It adds a little flavor to the story, and doesn't make it seem like the two groups didn't exist before this story. Adds a little depth, ya know? And also, more points of perspective from the original characters of Danny Phantom. Even if Scarlet's taking center stage in this story, they are IMPORTANT characters, and deserve just as much attention as Scarlet, whether or not they're with her.
All in all... not bad. Just not particularly original. But still, not bad.
| aWsOmEcx chapter 2 . 7/10/2012
awesome story so far! cant wait to read the rest of it!
| XCX-Nila-Phantom chapter 6 . 5/28/2012
this story and this chapter is awesome. what happened to chapter 7. this is my favorite chapter ever!
| coopt98 chapter 2 . 4/21/2012
i think it's a ghost! update soon!