|Reviews for misunderstood|
| ABloomingFlower chapter 1 . 7/21/2012
I can't ever hate Amu. C:
And awesome one-shot!
| Riri-chi chapter 1 . 4/9/2012
Yeah, Haruka beat me to the punch when it comes to the grammar problems. I really wish people took the time to appreciate Amu more, I mean after all she IS the main character of SC. People just don't seem to understand that we're all like Amu at one point, we don't seem to know what our dreams are or who we truly are. I really liked how you portrayed Amu in this fic. It's seriously amazing and from one author to another, you need to write more. I'm not exaggerating or joking, I'm serious, Rikan. Write. Write more. Now. -.-
| RakkiiHappiiDokkiiShidonii chapter 1 . 4/9/2012
IKA-RIN I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU OMG
You need to write more. ;~~~;
I agree with everything Ruka-tan said about grammar errors and whatnot. I can't copy and paste on my DSi so I can't really give great criticism. ;n; The only thing is that you should take God out of that curse word. Emphasis is one thing, but using God's name wrongly is another. :C
I still don't get the whole bullying thing, but I still slightly understand why somebody would feel this way. Slightly.
There really is no point in hating a fictional character. You can really "hate" a drawing, anyway. You can /dislike/ it, though. But even so, continuously bashing the character/s is pointless. Plus, you're basically insulting the person/peole who created the character/s. How would you feel if somebody bashed something /you/ made?
You did a really good job with this! n0n Even though it's dark and sad. qwq But you did dark and sad well~! X3
Amuyan's the new Rolling Girl! :O
Amuyan is not a Mary-Sue.
(WRITE MORE DANG IT)
| Haruka Sumairu chapter 1 . 4/9/2012
You want constructive criticism, so I'll do my best.
Let's start with some minor grammar mistakes. Now, I'm no expert on grammar because I just type how I would normally say it, but I'll try to fix some errors:
"Ignore those people who stabbed you behind your back."
Because I'm used to Tagalog speakers making minor mistakes with English, “those” sounds normal to me, but I'm thinking you could also change it to "the". I'll have to check on this one.
"But her body stands there, glued to the ground and betraying her internal self, and lets herself to be laughed and mocked by people."
The last part you can change. Maybe to "...betraying her internal self. It lets itself be laughed at and mocked by people." or “...betraying her internal self, letting itself be laughed at and mocked by people.”
"What did she do to the others? What have she done?"
Change the second question to "What HAS she done?"
"She feels like jumping off on the cliff right now."
Change this part to "...jumping of a cliff..."
"Seriously, why? She keeps asking this herself."
It should be "She keeps asking this TO herself." or "'Seriously, why? she keeps asking herself". Whichever you think best fits with the tone of your story.
"Some say she steals the spotlight, other half hisses that she has too many men wrapped around her fingers, and some others whispers that she has no friends, and the reason of her best friends leaving must have left some sort of dispute between the two."
Make it “...THE other half hisses...”. Then since the sentence is quite long, you can make the second half a new sentence: “Some others whisper that she has no friends, and the reason of her best friends leaving must have left a dispute between the two.” I'm not sure about the second half of the new sentence, are you talking about one best friend or all of her friends?
“This is what she wants to scream out, but no sounds came through her mouth. She just stands there, gaping. And sobbing. While many laugh at her pitifully.”
Change “no sounds came through” to “no sounds cOme through”. Make sure you keep the whole of the story in the same tense, and this story is all in the present tense.
“But her charas went back to her heart.”
Maybe change this to “But her charas have already gone back to her heart” or something similar to that. The “went back” part makes it sound like it's happening right now, which it isn't.
And that's all, most of it is just really minor.
But all in all, although it's been quite a few years since you've written a story, you did a really good job! I really enjoyed the idea of this fanfic. Amu really gets a lot of hate while she doesn't deserve it, and you did a good job portraying all the hate that she gets and how she might feel about it.
Also, don't worry about lacking details and depth in the story; the mood of the story works well with abrupt and straight-to-the-point wording, so the details already added are very good and fit well.
I know you've got a lot of ideas in your head, Rikan, so be sure to write them down and expand them! You're already a fantastic writer, and writing more stories (whether it be here in the Shugo Chara archive or wherever) or even anything else (like blog posts cough) will help you grow more as a writer.
So good job, and we'll be waiting for more stories! C:
P.S. darnit, I took too long writing this review. I totally wanted to be the first reviewer lol.
| AppleMuffin chapter 1 . 4/9/2012
God, you have no idea how much I wanted someone to write this. The idea of Amu being an antagonist is seriously overused in Rimahiko stories. Honestly, it's been irritating me for ages now. Thank you for writing this, and I hope other writers read your excerpt too. Props go to you. :)