|Reviews for The Truth|
| BrizzyBabber chapter 1 . 10/27/2012
Awwww this is a really good story! i love it !
however putting the story into proper chapters would be good. *:)
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/9/2012
| jack stanfeld chapter 1 . 9/21/2012
Sounds awesome kind of sad and scary with the grown ups getting smarter and I wonder if tank appears in another book.
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/21/2012
wow this is amazing
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/2/2012
You do have potential, I mean there is some seriously good work there, but in order for you to make the story more adventerous and more compelling there needs to be a lot of drama and so forth. - Jess
Honestly, the story didn't grip my attention and I found it boring. You need more vocabulary and it needs to have more of an action packed feeling towards it. Barely anyone died. The word 'zozo' was creative, bt was annoying. You should have just stuck with zombies or used another word. - Blaine
You have some potential like Jess said, althogh yo left a few parts out and went of track. Your story is creative bt has no depth involved. If you took your time ( which doesn't mean a day or a week) you could have a decent story. Keep trying, you can have a good short story in progress.
| Robbie chapter 1 . 7/18/2012
You are a fantastic writer for your age and have the capability of doing much more with your talent. I genially thought it was Charlie Higson writing then realized it was a kid although slightly pissed off I think that it is a brilliant piece of writing and you should consider publishing but obviously changing some of the characters so they don't copy C H's work.
Good Luck in the future
| Stepawayfromthecliche chapter 1 . 6/10/2012
I really don't want to sound harsh, don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like your story just a few things could be changed:
I completely agree with The cookie Whore on this one but I also wanted to add that when I read it I had no idea weather Robyn was a girl or a boy, and I still don't know, now. Also, Robyn kills Grace by slitting hr throat and she dies instantly, which is a technical inaccuracy as It would actually take a lot longer (about two minute, which I know because in my English class my teacher took great care in describing the death of Charlotte Dymond whose throat was cut and she either died of suffocation or choking on her blood, i'm not sure).
But I must say I do love your ending and your description on the fights and such and I think with a bit of tinkering I thing your FF would be epic. Thank you for your amazing ability to take on critical evaluation as your friend. C:
Thanks, SAFTC xx
| TheCookieWhore chapter 1 . 6/9/2012
Okay. I do not want to seem rude but this is going to be some constructive criticism. If you aren't up for constructive criticism STOP HERE.
Personally, the premise of your story is interesting and good, and frankly I'm not too fussy about grammar, more the story so please do not take any offence with my humble opinion.
Firstly, and no offence, the story is too fast paced. It travels too fast and sort of rushes over important things that you may have needed to go into more detail about, but not too much. In the book Charlie Higson never uses too much description of characters, so just be careful with what you put the details into.
Secondly, and this is my main problem. The main character/narrator MURDERS another person and there is no backlash. In the books when a KID kills another KID, there is some form of backlash-always bad. Take it when Arran dies, Achilleus persecutes Freak until the time of his death-blaming him because of the swimming pool incident. It is key that the characters have some form of NEGATIVE reaction-no matter what. People would have liked Grace,she had friends, they wouldn't all go 'okay. You killed another kid. Who gives a shit?' I suppose in a way they redeemed themselves at the end but NO-ONE takes a DEATH that easily. Even in this world. Like the fact that Achilleus doesn't stoop low enough to kill Just John. He isn't sinking down to John's level because once you kill another kid-DELIBERATELY-there is a point of NO RETURN. IT IS EVIL TO KILL ANOTHER CHILD IN THIS WORLD-why? Because the kids have to stick together for safety and protection. A lot of characters in the series often state 'Why can't we all work together?' Killing each other makes this FRANKLY IMPOSSIBLE for this to happen. Thank you.
Finally, and this my seem stupid reusing names. I at first got really confused when you said Justin and Jessica-I immedialety thought the characters. But that's just silly.
Overall, all you need is to make the characters more human and have affects to actions. Thank you and keep writing-TheCookieWhore.
| Fighting For Dreams chapter 1 . 5/12/2012
I loved dat story! Could have been longer though... But I still luv it and I hope u write sumthing else for this book becuz ur really good! The ending was so sweet 2! And u wer really creative! Nice job! :)
| Canadian Sasquatch chapter 1 . 4/18/2012
This story is good but you have the pace going too fast. Many times I had to reread parts to see if I missed something but you had just put in a lack of detail.
I'm not saying the story is bad, but the way you're writing will make it hard fir many readers to visualize what is happening. You have a story to tell but it seems that you just want to tell it as fast as possible. What I suggest is that you slow down the pace, add some more details into the scenes so that readers can get more into your story.
Another thing I've noticed, you're grammar needs some work. Multiple times, characters names weren't capitalized and words were misspelled. There is a lack of commas in your dialogue, which are really needed because they break up speech. Add some more in where they're appropriate so when one of your characters speak, it reads like someone actually talking. instead of just one steady stream of words.