I fuckin ADORE von grath. He sounds like the lead in an 80s gladiator movie.

To be completely honest, I've read this story a couple of times. And in my honest opinion, one of the best stories on this entire site of ANY genre or Fandom, not just Mass Effect. Everything about this story is brilliant. Barvo!

the way you turned "torfan" into such a curse word is frankly awesome. great writing.

well, here's the first thing I'll say about this story: there's a lot of it.

Kidding. I'm sure it's hardly novel of me to remark that your world-building and plotting skills are impressive, and likewise, I'm sure that's been such a huge draw for most folks. In the earlier chapters, I couldn't help but observe there was a bit of a habit of telling rather than showing, and that some characters, even Shepard herself, would just kind of ... dump their pathos to the first person who was willing to listen. But as the story has gone on, I think I've seen this corrected more, and I can certainly appreciate that just the process of writing such a mammoth story would lead to developing one's skills as a writer considerably.

I think I can see the influence of Warhammer 40K on the text, and while I'm not necessarily a huge fan of that franchise or its brand of storytelling, I think you've used that kind of template to flesh out the world of Mass Effect considerably. It does genuinely feel that there are competing factions with real goals, something that is a genuine weakness of my own writing and certainly a weakness in the original games, where everyone is painted with broad pastiche strokes of bad cartoon villains. I hope it comes across as sincere when I say the worldbuilding is a phenomenal strength here. Quite literally phenomenal, too, given the sheer amount of interest in the PremiseVerse, as you call it.

My only other criticism would be that (and here this may be a personal taste issue) I found the constant acceleration of what I can only think of as the DragonBall power level of the characters as a little exhausting. There's an argument to be made for constantly raising the stakes, but when it's done by making each new threat more impossibly powerful, to the point that by the end of the narrative Benezia is some sort of regenerating super saiyan, it can't help but sap those moments of some of their narrative heft. As I mentioned earlier, though, that may just be a matter of personal preference. There's obviously an audience for that kind of thing-after all, it's not like DragonBall is a little-known franchise.

At any rate, this is an engrossing story, and it was a nice thing to have to take my mind off of the flu I've been enjoying all day (I live in New Zealand, so it's unlikely it's the Dreaded Rona).

Thanks for the ride. Looking forward to more!

Okay, I wanted to save a review for the end of this instalment-but I have to admit, I had a deep belly laugh at "I haven't understood a single thing that just happened except the fact that the Primarch is gonna piss on Saren's corpse."

Just reaching out to congratulate you on finishing and re-writing this :)

You've really poured your love for the series and character into this and it shows in quality.

[Major spoilers in this review]

I really like the story. The setting is much darker but feels thought out and realistic with some glimmers of hope and good within. I'm still not too sure of what to make of your take on Shepherd so far but I enjoy that she realizes what a monster she is but doesn't relish in it; and WANTS to do better, be better. I like that more than a raging psychopath who enjoys tearing people limb from limb in a flurry of blood and semen.

The setting: whew-wee. I love that awful things done aren't done just for the sake of being as Grimderp and try-hard as possible but as consequences to general apathy, corruption, and a general disregard for sentient life dressed up nicely as pragmatism or justified under some nebulous goal to reach for to justify the ever-increasing loss of morality, empathy and a growing pile of corpses. Torfan, the abomination that was being fed prisoners, Saren and Benezia, the SA meeting in this chapter, etc. It strikes a good balance of being dismal without fully committing into grimderp territory. To the point where as a reader you just ask why bother, everyone's going to die, God left the server, it's pointless and a waste of time or reading for the wrong reasons: namely, just to see how else it can get hilariously over the top Grimderp.

Even elements like Shepherd's backstory work because they are conveyed in a way that showcases how appalling it truly is without being obscene or coming off as being edgy/shocking just for the sake of it, or a pathetic attempt at raising the stakes, drama or other bullshit excuses or intentions. It's incredibly easy to fuck something like that up and make it ruin a story like I've seen plenty of times when reading Fanfiction.

On a lighter note I enjoy your take on characters like Liara, Benezia and Saren. I don't have a frame of reference for them as I only played ME2, but God I just want to give Liara a hug and a plate of cookies and tell her everything will be alright. Garrus is best bro as always, I am always happy to see more of him. The reveal of the indoctrination had a very real impact on me when I first read it. Canon ME1 or not, first time I'm seeing this and it was a shocking moment for me. I like the political machinations even if it become a little difficult for me to follow.

Anyway I apologize if this review is an incoherent mess. I'm genuinely not good at expressing my thoughts well and it has been a long day. This took me forever to write and at this point I would rather read Ambience from beginning to end than try to proof-read, edit or scrap and redo this review anymore.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

-Feline Evolutionary Dead End

Great chapter!

Finally got around to reading your story LP. Sorry it took so long, but dang, this prologue was good! Shows very well how she got the name 'Butcher of Torfan', excited to see what happens next. Good stuff!

That was a fantastic couple of months of reading! I've never reviewed anything before and wouldn't really know how to go about reviewing a thing of this scale so instead I just wish to say thank you! You've filled many of my hours with joy, laughter, sorrow, heartache and even more love for Mass Effect. All of it was enjoyable and I am thoroughly looking forward to reading on from here.

I think when I'm eventually done reading all of what you've thus far written I might just start over and go on this journey again. What a ride. Thank you!

Lol, I find it amusing that people get offended about AU story telling. I mean, do they want a boring rehash of the original mass effect universe and story? If you wanted that, then GO PLAY the fking games. Great story so far. Easily in the top 10 of all Mass Effect fan fiction.

MILK FOR THE KHORNE FLAKES
BUTTER FOR THE POPHORNE

Dude I have to say that this story is amazing. Sara Ying Shepard is one of the realest characters I've read about in a long time. Now I love Mass Effect, though I haven't played through any of the DLC's. I did some research into military science back in the day and everything about this story touches on multiple points in my nerdom. I read this in the background while I'm at work(call center) and keeps me sane while I'm talking to the general public.

It's so awesome that I've actually read through it twice in the past year! And now to move on to what other amazing pieces of literature you posted. Keep up the great work!

Started good. Then got weird and made up. Then very drawn out. Then kinda of a weird attempt at humor? Idk

Liked the idea tho

I think Garius’ inner thoughts might be the best part of this story XD