|Reviews for Hogyoku|
| jgreek chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
its a great story and i hope you update soon
| Description Destroyer chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
The idea is interesting. I want to say that first.
But you spent WAY too much time describing the various characters and their hair/clothing/whatever else. It was dull beyond belief, especially since you just lumped them all in together and didn't seem to even TRY to actually integrate it into the story.
If you're going to spend that much time describing everybody, at least try to make it INTERESTING, instead of a dragging, monotonous blob of information. As it stands I couldn't bother reading any but the OCs data... I just skimmed over the rest to get back to the actual story.
Character data sheets and hair/clothing/appearance/blah blah descriptions that drag on without ANYTHING to make them interesting, contrary to what some may believe, don't help a story. They're just info dumps that a lot of people skip.
Just my two bits.
| ShINaiX chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
Man...This is a really cool idea. I like what your doing with Naruto setting up his own version of the Seireitei and the Captains of the 13 Court Guard squad. Although, shouldn't Naruto watch out if Aizen, Gin, and Tosen have any of their originals personalities?
I hope the Hogyoku gave him a warning at least, so that the past doesn't repeat itself. Mayuri is someone to watch out for as well, and it's funny that Naruto brought him back instead of Kisuke, especially with his past self's treatment of Nemu. In fact, if he wanted to...he could replace Aizen, Tosen, and Gin with Lisa, Hiyori, and Mashiro. Maybe even Kūkaku Shiba or Yoruichi? :D
Its also interesting with Naruto creating a second group of the Seireitei. I would like to suggest making it comprised of the Espada. The members I'd like to vote for are:
Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck
Dordoni Alessandro Del Socaccio
I didn't include Nnoitra, Szayel, Aaroniero or Yammy because they are major league asses, and Naruto is trying to get rid of memories of dealing with guys like that.
This would also help to swell Naruto's clan and ranks. Tier like her counterpart, would want her friends back and Sung-Sun, Apacci and Mila Rose could be brought back.
For the sheer comedy of it, you could have Naruto bring back some of Baraggan's forces like Charlotte Chuhlhourne. (LOL! Imagine a fight between him, and Gai Sensei or Lee. lol! Beauty(*pffft*) Vs. Youth! Comedy gold!)
With Starrk back then that would mean Lilynette returns as well. You could even bring back Aizen's old Arrancar attendants Loly Aivirrne and Menoly Mallia.
With so many women that he could start his new clan with, I would keep the Uzumaki Clan and Konoha as the main antagonists for Naruto and his allies. A new spin would be to keep the allies that he had in canon hating him, or being indifferent to his plight. Like Gaara being controlled by his father, but liking that his Kage is choosing strong targets for him and 'mother' to kill to prove his existence. I like the idea of having Narutothe Seireitei, and the Arrancar forces Vs. Konoha/Iwa/Kumo/Akatsuki. Those battles would be really awesome! -
If you want to use any of my suggestions for your story, feel free to use them. I really like this story, it's got a lot of promise. :)
Great chapter! Looking forward to reading more of your updates! -
| ForeverFallen76 chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
I gotta admit, this is another one of your stories that has ensnared me! So far, everything seems to be well explained, or there's enough hints to lead to a sturdy conclusion. I honestly can't wait until Naruto opens a huge can of Whoop-Ass on the Uzumaki Clan and Konoha as a whole! Its going to be epic! Anyways, he can leave Konoha whenever he wants and they can't stop him. He was never trained and never went to the academy, or even applied. So, he can get up, pack his crap, and walk out the front door all the while telling the village to kiss his firm tanned ass (if Naruto doesn't say so himself)! LOL!
Anyways, I am looking forward to your next update and I hope that its soon. Because, as of now, I'm hooked! Later.
| iampieman chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
Love it. But damn thats a lot of women. Naruto is a lucky man. Can't wait to see what happens when Naruto meets Kushina. hope for more soon.
| ryuken85 chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
good story i cant wait for the encounter between naruto and kushina. a question i have will the uzumaki have soul blades or only and his creation. keep the good work and update soon
| Eien Samsara chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
| PMC-Midnight Mariners chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
Okay very new and interesting premise of bringing the hogyoku to the Narutoverse. Some spelling errors here and there, other than that brilliant story and I hope that the next update will be soon.
| Super Saiyan God Gogeta chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
I hope Naruto destroys the Uzumaki clan, Kushina, his sister and the leaf village along with the villagers.
| Reishin Amara chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
wow...i truely cant wait to see more of this...but i have to wonder hogeyoku will evolve naruto...hopefully not monsterous like aizen was...perhaps...more like ichigo?
(Ichigo vs Byakuya levels)
(jumpsuit version,uber reflexes, cool swazti-rang,and ability to ignore physics...like standing on the ceiling...)
(u probally saw this with the final Ichigo vs Kujo)
(no mask,hollow hole,or nails/claws..simply abs an long hair ect...all hollow abilitys ranging from heiro to cero to sonido)
Mugestu...simply imagine narutos version in a matured body...keeping the black design an red eyes and black hair.
Mugetsu techniques...Getsuga...Tsukiyomi...Amaterasu..ect...this is essentially sharingan...without need for sharingan or chakra...just will the attacks into effects the actual wold instad of being an roles off his ...
baiscally...Nauto Shinobi World Gatsuga HogeyokuGOD
| reakwon14 chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
Other than a few mistakes in grammar, this story is turning out to be one of the best one I've read before and I hope you keep up the good work.
| Z-Breezy chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
I think this is your best start off to a story,I'll be glad when he leaves besides that,could offer gaara a position in his force ?
| alchemists19 chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
| King-konoha chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
wow. its one of the best story i read. i think you may add kasumi or kushina to the harem. update soon.
| Angeldoctor chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
I love ur story! I'm already salivating at the idea of chapter 2. Hope the next chapter comes out soon and the same length as the first too. I like long chapters cause it means more to read. Lol. I can't wait for inevitable clash between Naruto and basically... everyone! Lol!