|Reviews for High School Sweet Hearts|
| squintessential chapter 8 . 5/21/2012
Hey, good to see another installment! It looks like Peter isn't quite as cool and detached as he seemed... Well, I guess I'll have to wait to see where this is all going. I think your portrayal of Mary's reactions is pretty believable.
BTW, at a few points during the conversation between Mary and Zechariah, I got a little confused about who was saying what.
| squintessential chapter 7 . 4/29/2012
Peter's reaction kind of surprised me. But, to be honest, I didn't know what to expect. I mean, I didn't think he would start screaming at Mary or anything.
Do I think Elizabeth is nosy? Well, of course she is! But she's acting the way you'd expect a concerned friend to act. Mary's lucky to have someone who cares enough to bug her that much. I'm not sure whether Mary was "right" or "wrong" to tell Elizabeth that; it's just the sort of thing that high school friends end up sharing, right?
That Peter really is quite a puzzle... I'm looking forward to finding out what makes him tick.
A little tip: a couple of times, Elizabeth says, "I'm sorry, it's just", and then stops and starts over. In cases like that, it might make more sense if you put three periods (...) or a dash (—), instead of a single period, after "it's just", to show that Elizabeth has stopped talking before finishing her sentence.
| squintessential chapter 6 . 4/19/2012
In response to your question, well, Mary certainly seemed to feel forced by Elizabeth! I agree with Elizabeth's general position, but sometimes I feel that she should just let Mary make her own choices. I think Mary also genuinely likes Joseph, though. I don't have an opinion about Zechariah yet, because we haven't really seen him do much. That Peter, such a charmer. I do wonder how he'll react when he learns about Mary's decision.
| squintessential chapter 5 . 4/17/2012
Okay, I took your poll.
Keep writing! I want to know what Mary decides. I feel kind of sorry for her, being in that position. I think she should choose Joseph, but it would be interesting to see what would happen if she chose Peter.
P.S.: When you wrote that "John" was setting the table, did you mean Joseph?
| squintessential chapter 4 . 4/17/2012
Well, I'm hooked. This story has me asking, "What happens next?", and that's what makes the difference between a good story and a boring one.
I like how Elizabeth was spying on Mary and Joseph when Joseph was asking Mary out. That made me laugh.
Well, I think Mary should go with Joseph, of course! I'm really starting to wonder now whether Peter's as nice and innocent as his "charming smile" suggests.
One minor criticism: you often switch back and forth between the present tense and the past tense. I personally prefer stories that are written in the past tense, because that's what I'm used to, but most of this story seems to be written in the present tense. Either one is okay, but you should be consistent.
| squintessential chapter 3 . 4/17/2012
Jezebel is in high school with New Testament characters? Did she fail the exit exam 900 times or something?
As for your other questions... I honestly am not sure what the feud between Elizabeth and Magdalene is about. I suspect it has something to do with Magdalene trying to steal Zechariah, but that's just a guess.
"Also what do you guys think of Peter? Is he as nice as he acts?"
Well, at first I assumed he was, but now that you've posed the question like that, you've made me sort of suspicious.
Yeah, I'm liking this so far. I'm really curious to see how you flesh out the characters' personalities. I had ideas about what some of the biblical figures would be like when I started writing Saved by the Bell. For example, I knew that Martha would be a busybody and Thomas would be skeptical. But I still had to use some creativity in designing all the characters. I'm interested to see what you do differently...
| squintessential chapter 2 . 4/16/2012
Like it so far! I like how you had Mary sit next to Peter instead of Joseph; it'll be interesting to see what happens. Are the Peter and Martha in this story the Peter and Martha from the Bible? (I don't know why, but I'm a fan of Martha the sister of Lazarus. You may have noticed that she's more or less the main character in Saved by the Bell.)
Sorry to hear you were having a bad day when you wrote this. Hope you're feeling better now.
| ladyife chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
Having difficulties signing in lol...annnyyywwaayyy
I'm so glad you Re posted this story I was wondering what happened to it. :D I like what you have so far, I cannot wait for the next chapter3. I didn't see any mistakes but im too excited this is back up, I love fics like this.