|Reviews for Lost Illusion|
| ExODUSKiNG chapter 34 . 7/22
Wow Latias's desperation is rather annoying. What kind of life lesson are you trying to teach? And Zeta, we finally see him again and it turns out that he poisoned everyone. Odd uh... character development. This chapter sure was comedic though.
| ExODUSKiNG chapter 33 . 7/12
"My Phendrene?" That sounds... conspicuous. Did Latias do that thing before where she made herself invisible but it was actually her tempering with Nova's vision? So at this moment, Nova is actually just sitting in place idly without a clue. Or did she actually wipe their memories? Hmm... isn't that her abusing power? Doesn't matter the reasoning, she's a hypocrite.
| ricepeas chapter 33 . 7/12
You should've gone the route that I said. Would've been more dramatic, but i guess latias doesn't really want physical harm coming to Nova only major psychological trauma, which I'm not sure which will be the worse in the long run, most likely the physiological trauma.
Really looking forward to the next chapter to see their reactions, knowing latias she probably wiped everyone's minds, but what about his dad that probably had psychic resistance training. Plus even though you remove memories, would it really be possible to remove the emotions of the person or something? I don't believe that you would be able to completely remove all traces of someone but hey, she's a legendary, so it might be possible.
I'm proud that me lighting a fire under your ass last night made you get out this chapter this quickly. Now only if it would work more often _
| lightningrun chapter 32 . 7/10
Holy Arceus, I love this story. The vocabulary is awesome as ever and I started reading this story from a year ago. I finally noticed the update when I got onto fanfiction today. When I noticed the update, I was fangirling.
Nova seems like a solemn character who was misunderstood and got big cracks on his emotional barrier. I'm looking forward to his recovery, but I'm pretty sure things will spiral out of control there...
Keep writin'! I'm looking forward to your next update!
P.S. this is one of my favorite stories on fanfic, and I'm being too lazy to login. 8D
| Crazeguy chapter 32 . 7/5
Oh dear, I do look forward to the moment where all secrets are revealed. If only that old version of Hale and Nova's conversation when they had their reunion in the forest was still there after you rewrited the earlier chapters...
You had a thing for characters jinxing things up with what they said back in the old days.
| Vixal chapter 32 . 5/10
I read another story long ago, with the same idea as the Porygon-Z. However, there's no actual way it's this one, because the overall plot was different.
| celerycoloured chapter 32 . 5/9
I think this is good! Things are happening! Nova seems too dissasociated from the events in the last part of the chapter but otherwise it seems fine. This is a nice reveal for readers, especially those with questions asking where Latios and whatnot. You managed to answer what I think are questions everyone has and create new ones, which is always the right thing to do. I don't have any major criticism about this part. It's consistent and coherent. Language-wise, I'm not concerned with the tone, it seems to be in order. Good work.
| Bartholemew21 chapter 32 . 5/8
Ive really enjoyed the story so far, considering I didn't find it until last week. This is a story where alot of things are done right. Good pacing, character development, and plot development make this story shine. Keep up the killer work, yarinY! As of the story right now, I like where Nova is right now. To me this seems the place where he will really come into his own by getting some serious training to be a major power player in any future fights. Also, if I may ask in a review, will Silex have a big return to the story anytime soon? Your ending at chapter 32 made me curious.
| ExODUSKiNG chapter 32 . 5/8
Aaay it's Hale how is it going buddy? Oh... right. Well glad he's OK. Hopefully we can see Silex again. Oh and the aforementioned "her," still kinda mad at her but the heart wants what the heart wants. Liked this chapter though.
| celerycoloured chapter 31 . 4/5
Wow this review is so late I forgot how late it is
Let's just preface it with: It's happening!
Alright. With that over with, I don't have much criticism, other than the long-awaited reveal. I do think Nova isn't suspicious enough, and I have no idea where that last line comes from, but if I was suddenly introduced to a powerful stranger, I wouldn't be so off-guard.
Latias comes across mostly as how I think you're trying to portray her, if a bit too nice. But again, maybe I'm the one who's paranoid here. Nova hasn't been having a nice (insert length of time), after all, so having someone be understanding to him is kind-of a novel experience.
| ThePrinceOfPuddles chapter 8 . 3/18
Hello! Alrighty, that was another fairly nice chapter. Don't know why you thought I'd have a bone to pick with it; nothing really bothered me here. Let's get to it!
As always, I have to get the little things out of the way before moving on to the big ones.
"Phendrene gradually starts talking again as time passes, overcoming the shock of what had happened." Um, as I recall, Phendrene was the one who comforted Nova when She'll died. She didn't seem too shocked to me at the time.
"The Fraxure has quite an odd character. She seems charismatic, but also rather abrasive. The two qualities make her hard to talk back to."
Ugh...look, seriously, we're back to the telling instead of showing. These traits are obvious from Rue's actions; we don't need them spelled out for us! There's just no excuse for it this time.
Anyway, yeah, Rue kinda has a point about Phendrene. That fire on her tail could easily burn have the forest down in her sleep. I love Rue's attitude, though; she does everything she can to talk sense into the others, and when they refuse to listen, she's like, "Well, I tried. Screw you, you want to burn the forest down, it's not my problem." Awesome.
"Call me Lin. What's yours?" she asks in a friendly tone." I instantly like this Grovyle. A Grovyle named Lin is too badass for words.
"Lin's full name is Zacklin Zenfield." Aaaaand that respect is gone now.
"Unless you travel back in time. But you can't, so..." Oh, dear God, I hope no one actually does that.
"Unless you want to battle. I'd probably trash you, though,' Rue says with a chuckle." Heh heh, hahaha.
"Oh, you're a freakin' guy?"
"How am I supposed to tell? You're small, not very aggressive, speak lightly, I had no way to tell." WHOAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Oh, God, she thought he was a girl the whole time?! That's hilarious, especially because it fits! I love Rue already!
"Then stop bitching about how you don't like killing other Pokémon and how it's wrong and all that crap. I'm sick of it." Whoa! HA HA! YES! Finally, somebody says what we're all thinking! Damn, Rue is awesome! I hope she sticks around.
Anyway, pretty good overall. I'm a little surprised that the search for Hale is over already, but I'm happy for him. He stuck to his guns, he toughened up, he found the Sceptile border, and he evolved on his own. I like him; he's a fighter, and he takes what he wants in life instead of waiting around for people to give it to him.
Also, no contest, Rue is my new favorite character. :D
Until next time!
| mysticdragon01 chapter 31 . 3/16
You know things are getting serious when the story title also becomes a part/chapter title! All joking aside, I'll get right to something I have only just noticed - I find it interesting how Latias emphasized the word "friends;" it makes me wonder whether she personally doesn't really grasp the concept, or if she is actually making a judgment of the aforementioned Pokémon.
I also have to wonder what her intentions are - somehow, I doubt that they are purely altruistic. Of course, the last line is suspicious enough, but my attention was drawn to the "Are you feeling better, now that you have a fellow psychic?" Perhaps it's just me, but something sounds odd about that, as though Latias is trying to gain Nova's trust/affection. Trying too hard, I should say.
Whatever the case, it was nice to read a more in-depth explanation of Nova's psychic powers, and powers he may yet obtain. The concept of mind manipulation, I'm sure, is one that we'll see more of, if it hasn't occurred already. Aya would be a pretty good candidate for that, given how dreamlike and detached that whole sequence felt. The Deadlands, too, are suspicious; and I can't help but feel like they have something to do with Silex.
For now, though, at least we can be happy that Nova feels happier. I'm not sure what views Latias has on psychic powers and the 'arrogance' that comes with them (at least, the arrogance that Nova has), but either way, I think Nova will learn a lot here. My only hope is that his hatred towards his father will recede.
On that note, I think the pronoun "them" near the end, when Nova talks about his friends, could be clarified. While I think everybody knows who Nova is referring to, I feel something is missing. And in the penultimate paragraph, the line "Yes, I still don't think I was in the wrong" sounds a bit forced, as though trying to persuade the reader rather than just being Nova's thoughts. I actually think that could be fixed just by removing the 'yes.'
In any case, enjoyed this chapter, and I look forward to the next - major events seem to be on the horizon.
| ThePrinceOfPuddles chapter 7 . 3/16
Hello! It's been a little while. Miss me? Yeah, these reviews are gonna be a little more spaced out now-not because of anything you did, but because I'm running out of free time lately; last week was something of an anomaly.
I will be trying to focus more on the larger points instead of minor details (for the most part) but I have to get these ones out of the way real quick.
"Now there is no one but Vie, Mum, Phendrene, and Vie's older brother Bane (who doesn't count.)"
1: Again, don't use parentheses.
2: Awfully cold, aren't you Nova? I mean, you don't know him very well, but still...
Also, not a flaw, but I hope Nova's void cube thing is a Rubik's Cube. That'd be friggin' awesome. :)
"Vie...revenge is not a good thing. If you go after them, you'll be just like them."
Ah...no, Bane, that's really not how it works. Revenge alone is bad, yes, but there's a difference between that and Justice. This is war; striking back doesn't make you evil. They drew first blood.
"Also," Mum chimes in from the side, "it's not that all Salamence are bad. Just the ones that decide to attack us."
Translation: Not all Nazis are bad, just the ones that attack us.
Again, doesn't work that way. The Salamence have a governing body, and that body decided to attack the other tribes. You can't pick and choose which soldiers to fight against. If nothing else, this is the King's fault, and he has to be stopped.
If all the Flygon think like this, that explains why they're losing. Well, that, and Flygon can't fight Salamence.
Anyway, now that that's over with, onto the broader points.
Dang, Vie's really committed to Nova. That's not even me shipping them or anything at this point; he's really lucky to have someone that devoted to him, especially since, again, he can't take care of himself. A very sweet, if brief, scene. I like it.
...Although I must admit, yeah, Vie's move against the Salamence was pretty brash and unintelligent. Although, I'm not entirely sure they would've gotten away peacefully if she hadn't. The Salamence said he was on a mission, so if his mission didn't involve them, he likely would've left them alone. He didn't look like he was about to leave, so I'm guessing he was about to kill them. For all we know, reckless though it was, Vie's move might've saved their lives.
Aha! I like that Nova used the stone to kill the Salamence. He's finally using his head for something other than constant complaints. It's always good when a character uses their toolkit (as in, their special skills and traits.)
So, Nova's mother is dead now...again, I have to say, this felt very sudden and abrupt, but it's good for the story that she's gone. Now, Nova will have to man up and help himself and his friends survive. Looking forward to that.
Oh, wait, one last little point:
"I still had hoped for a miracle, that some divine being would take pity upon me and do something. Anything. But they don't exist. They let this happen to many already. This is just another usual occurrence in this cruel world."
This paragraph... really, why is this here? I'm serious about this one.
Firstly, why are we now thinking about divine intervention? We're supposed to be mourning Mum, not contemplating the existence of God(s). It's even a contradiction: Nova said earlier that he didn't believe in the supernatural at all. So why would he have thought of divine intervention now?
And then he just mentally declares they don't exist (hopefully not alienating a massive portion of your audience) and then he says that "they" just let these things happen all the time. How could they do that if they don't exist? He even then says it's just a natural occurrence of this world, contradicting what he said a moment ago.
Look, I know he's distraught and his thoughts are scattered, and I know you'll have some counterargument to this, but I have to say it: this paragraph should go. I'm as sure about this as I was about your author's note. It ruins the emotional impact of this scene by shifting our thoughts away from Nova and his dead mother to a random, uncalled for anti-deistic message. Your story doesn't need it, your readers don't need it, you don't need it.
Anyway, though, all that aside, I liked this chapter more than the last one. It was briefer, and more happened. This story still has some pacing issues-as in, one minute it's too slow, and the next it's too fast-but it's getting a little better.
I look forward to Nova, Vie, and Phendrene (and Bane, who apparently doesn't count) surviving and working together. One thing I'm NOT looking forward to is all the flak Vie is about to get for her mistake. I'm not necessarily defending what she did, but I just know that the next few chanpters are going to be filled with nothing but everybody treating her like crap for this, and I don't think she deserves it, especially after all she's been through.
Oh, well, we'll see. Until next time!
| ExODUSKiNG chapter 31 . 3/15
And yet the whole time the only thing I even cared was Latios. WHERE THE HELL IS LATIOS?!
| ThePrinceOfPuddles chapter 6 . 3/12
Hello! Wow, that was a long chapter. I guess you were right; this is where it begins. Well, we're off! Let's have a look.
Aww...I kinda wish Nova had been made to go on that trip. I wouldn't dream of telling you how to write your story, but it feels like wasted potential. Instead of going on an excursion and being forced to face his fears of hunting, he just spends a day with strangers and has another vague conversation about his father (which reveals very little that we don't already know.)
Skien and Ray seem awfully...err...forthcoming with rather intimate information about their lives to Nova. Oh, well, at least they're cute together. :)
"Hi, Nova," she said, clearly not meaning it." Not meaning what? Hi, Nova? That's some next level sarcasm right there.
"Ghost stories seem quite fun, but I've never been one to believe in supernatural forces. It does sound interesting, but I'd rather be of trips to explore the world outside this mass of sand."
Not sure what you were going for with that paragraph, but it feels pretty odd and unnecessary.
Alrighty, after that brief scene with them, Mum, Vie, and Hale are back. Seems like they have some interesting stories to tell-
whoa! Huge argument with random Trapinch! Well, at least things can't escalate any quicker-
whoa! Now Phendrene has fallen in the water, and could be dying! Damn, this got pretty dire! Let's see how Nova, Mum, and Vie handle this situation!
"Phendrene fell in the water! Help!"
"She...what?" Mum asks, clearly not understanding."
Huh?! How could she NOT understand? Is "Phendrene fell in the water! Help!" not clear enough for her? Jeeze! She's supposed to be the wise, motherly role model here!
"I always knew subconsciously that there was an untold animosity between the people of Lyrl and the Shallows." Really? First I've heard of it.
"Don't be such a bitch." Sheesh. Careful, your T-rating is dangling by a thread.
"At this rate Hale will definitely be reprimanded." ...By who?
"I suppose the world is cruel like this. From Zeta I've learned that all living things are completely self-serving in natural selection. If there is something to be gained from hurting one another, it will be done. (Etc.)"
Unnecessary paragraph. Also, why is nobody thinking about dying Phendrene?
"A technical machine. Specifically, one that lets me read your mind." Yeah, that seems-wait...WHAT?! Mind reading?! The humans were able to develop mind reading technology? And they were still wiped out?!
"I just crawled through a crack, looking for a friend." And not thinking much about my other dying friend.
"Oh, sorry, I forgot that you don't even know what they are. In the wake of their explosions, nuclear bombs leave radiation. It's an electromagnetic wave with very high frequency, that causes mutations..."
Because naturally, Nova will know exactly what electromagnetic waves, high frequencies, radiation, and mutations are.
"But in the back of my mind I feel a sense of displacement from the reason I came down here." You and me both, Nova.
"The real reason I'm down here nags at me, though. Maybe I should start trying to find Hale again soon." Oh, you think?!
Anyway, now Hale suddenly wants to leave Lyrl and go off on his own adventure. Pretty abrupt, but it's be pretty cool to see how he survives and handles himself on his own and if he finds the Sceptile.
"At least Phendrene seems fine now." No thanks to you.
"She sighs. 'That crazy idiot. Well, thanks for trying, Nova.'" Gee, Vie, you don't seem very concerned about your brother.
Speaking of which, whatever happened to Dree, anyway?
So, Nova and his family \friends are finally leaving Lyrl. They were only there for a couple of chapters, but my only thought was, "it's about time!" To think, if Hale had waited another few hours, he would've gotten his wish. Pity.
Alrighty, well, it's good that things are finally moving along. Aside from very little attention being given to Phendrene's life-threatening dilemma, as well as the other minor problems, I'm still fairly happy with it.
I look forward to seeing the rest of the world outside Lyrl. Until next time!