|Reviews for Splinter'd Realities|
| DianaWonderwoman chapter 49 . 9/19
Me encanta tu fic, seria genial que lo terminases... me tienes en una intriga que ni imaginas. Espero que continues pronto, que la trama se está poniendo genial.
| Metronome I Hear chapter 12 . 9/1
Hello! Metronome here! Though I doubt you’ve heard of me before, considering I haven’t written for Fairy Tail or Inuyasha yet. Regardless, I’m here, and I’m here to tell you what I think of the story so far.
I started reading this a long while ago, though I don’t quite remember when. It was during my last Inuyasha obsession phase, and it wasn’t long after I first discovered your stories. I found I really liked the way you wrote Sesshomaru, so I kept reading. “Ever the Lotus” is my favorite, because it brought up a number of things I had noticed during my reading of the manga and watching of the anime. The romances you’ve written with SessKag are awesome, even if I’m not entirely pleased with how you write Kami in your stories, if only because the relationship between Kami and Yokai is a bit different than you seem to think it is. Or, at least, that’s what my own research tells me. :P I’m not japanese, nor am I a scholar specializing in Japanese mythology, so I could be wrong entirely! Regardless-I’m getting rather off track here-I liked your stories, so I decided to check out some of the other stuff you’ve written. I’m not too huge a fan of InuKag, though I don’t hate it or anything like that, so I turned to your InuPapa stories instead. That’s when I found “Splinter’d Realities.”
I made it about halfway through what was written at the time, from what I remember, and then stopped. I remember stopping because there were some things in the story that bothered me, the way certain characters were characterized comes to mind (though don’t ask me who, for I don’t quite remember. Only that it was a woman, and they ran away with another woman? I think?), and I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. It was also right about then that I was loosing my interest in Inuyasha and sliding over to another fandom, so I had no real reason to continue reading.
I got back into Inuyasha again rather recently, and figured I’d give “Splinter’d Realities” another try, and possibly write out in a review exactly what it was that made me put it down the last time I attempted reading. At the time that I am writing this, I have made it to chapter 12. Allow me to try and put to words what I’ve noticed so far.
The thing that sticks out to me the most, among a number of other smaller things, is that you are very much a “Tell” Author rather than a “Show” Author. It’s something I noticed in your other stories, but it’s far more prominent in this one than in any of the other stories of yours that I’ve read. This… frustrates me, I’ll admit. As a reader, it’s not very fun to sit there and have information thrown at you. This is a story where, in your own words, “The plot is twisting and there is a lot of intrigue”. Despite that, you don’t allow the reader to puzzle any of that out for themselves. You tell us who the spies are, where each person stands, who the traitors are, and what talents each person has. I honestly would have prefered it if you had kept to fewer characters POVs and revealed who the spies are to the characters at the same time as you did to us.
Beyond that, it takes away from the romance as well. It’s entirely possible I’m alone in this, but I dislike it when stories tell me many times over that the characters are falling in love. You shouldn’t /have/ to tell me they’re in love, or falling in love. I should be able to see it in their interactions, in their reactions to each other and the things they say. Characterization, too suffered. I don’t want to be told that Izayoi is smart and a quick study. I want to be shown that she is. I don’t want to be told that Takemaru has a horrible past. I want to be shown. Instead of explaining to the audience that Takemaru’s family was brutalized by Yokai, show me. Write out one of his nightmares, and have him wake gasping and screaming. Have him force himself to calm down, reminding himself that he’s no longer that little boy who witnessed his family being slaughtered. Show me how terrified and angry he is at them. Don’t tell me. Show me.
Beyond that, there are a few other things that stuck out to me. One of them is your word choice. I’m actually rather happy with the way you write the character’s speech. It feels right for the time period, helping set the mood. Setting the mood is something that I’ve always thought very important, which is why I spend so much effort manipulating it in my own writing. It’s something I’m rather proud of-being able to set a scene and lead people along, letting them puzzle out what is going on via the hints I drop among the imagery and symbolism. Your writing style is extremely different from mine, as most people’s writing style is dissimilar to mine. My writing has always read more like poetry, but that skill-being able to set the tone-has always been something I look for as a mark of a good author. You do, however, have your own fallacies.
You really like repeating certain phrases again and again. “Intrigue”, I find, is one of your favorite words, for it shows up at least once in every scene. You also seem to really like the word “Male”. Beyond those two words lies certain conversations that are repeated again and again. For example, Izayoi’s impending marriage to Touga. It’s spoken of again and again and again, and I find myself tiring of reading the same conversation slightly reworded between slightly different people again and again. Repetition can be a powerful tool in writing. I use it quite often in my own works to help emphasize certain themes, or to put stress on certain feelings, or to help set the mood. It is, however, a tool that should be used carefully, lest the user fall into the trap you seem to have fallen into. I would suggest paying more attention to what information you have already given the reader and what information you haven’t, and try to avoid repeating yourself unless absolutely necessary.
Other things I’ve noticed include the fact that you really like one liners. You end a lot, and I mean a LOT, of scenes with one liners. It’s a tempting thing to do, I know. I certainly use one liners all the time as well, for a variety of reasons. Regardless, it’s the same trap as repetition. You’ve over used it, giving the story a slightly irritating feel to it at times. I find myself thinking “She did it again. She ended with another one liner” instead of “Oh shit! This is interesting! I can’t wait to find out what’s happening next!” when I’m reading, and I’m sure you’ll agree this is something that should be avoided.
Then there are the names.
I’m dyslexic. It’s a disability I’ve suffered with for just about as long as I can remember. It is a frustrating disability that I have worked my entire life to get around, to not let it stop me from achieving my dreams. As someone who is dyslexic, even if it isn’t a particularly bad case of dyslexia, I feel like it is my civic duty to say I really hate some of the names you’ve chosen for your OCs. It’s not the meaning of them, or whether they fit the character. It’s the /spelling/ of them that bothers me. In specific, Kiyoko and Kikyo, and Hiraku and Hikaru. When I look at those names, I will 99% of the time mistake them for the other. I honestly cannot tell the difference between Hiraku and Hikaru when I am reading. Because of this, I spent a number of chapters being exceedingly confused as to why Izayoi’s father and his adviser both had the same name, or why Kagome was studying under Kikyo, until I figured out exactly what was going on. I know it’s not something most people think about, and a lot of people probably don’t care, but for people like me there is nothing more frustrating than having two characters with similar spelled names. I’m not asking you to change it, because at this point that would cause nothing but confusion for everyone and would involve a hell of a lot of editing considering how long your story has gotten, but it is something I ask you to keep in mind for the future, if only to help people like me who want to read your stories and find it difficult to do so because of such a silly, minor thing.
The last thing I noticed has to do with characterization. I feel like the way you treat your character’s has fallen since the first chapter. In the beginning, when I first started reading the story, I was rather happy. I knew this story, because of the time it was set in and the complicated plot, would have a lot of OCs. I’m not a huge fan of OCs, because it is so, so easy to fall into the trap of Mary Sues, so I was really happy when I saw you had treated your characters fairly. They had their strong points and they had their weak points, and they were balanced over all. But. But! Then you started, bit by bit, to fall into the Mary Sue trap.
The Mary Sue trap, as I have taken to calling it, is the trap were the characters fall out of balance. Their flaws no longer balance out their talents, and they start falling heavily to one side or another. Either they have a great number of good traits with very few bad ones to balance it out, or they have a large number of bad traits with few good ones to balance it out. The person who has fallen the deepest into this trap? Kagome.
You emphasize her “perfection” a lot. Perhaps not using that word exactly, but you do. She is the most beautiful, the most talented, has the best voice, the strongest spine. She can see the future, is wrapped up in the Kami’s plans, is exceedingly humble, and, overall, has very few flaws. This makes it so much harder to relate to her, making me start to dislike her. And I don’t want to dislike her! I want to see a warrior princess Kagome as Izayoi fighting at Touga’s side. I want to see a woman who is confident in her talents and her place in the world. I want to see that. And you gave that to me. Only, you didn’t do anything to drag her down, to make her human. Where are her mistakes? Where are her flaws? I am hard pressed to find any, and that makes her seem less and less like a real person and more and more like an imitation.
Kagome isn’t the only one. Other characters have started to fall into this trap as well. Hiraku, Izayoi’s father (just in case I switched them), is one of them. He has a few flaws, but the operative word in that statement is “few”. He seems like the perfect person. Rich, intelligent, an excellent warrior, accepting, nor dominating, etc. It has gotten to the point where I am beginning to very much dislike his character. Characters who have fallen on the reverse side of the Mary Sue trap include Takako-who I rather liked at first because of the situation she’s in and the conflict between her and her father-Takemaru, and Airi. I fear many more characters will fall prey to this trap as time goes on.
In the more technical aspect of things, I have to applaud you. You are an excellent writer in that respect. Your chapters are so long and well written. I find few, if any, typos and grammar mistakes when I am reading. I would never be able to write something as long as this without it being riddled with one mistake after another. And that you’ve been able to write such long chapters and continue writing them for as long as you have? You deserve a reward for such excellent work. There are, however, a few typos that I caught here and there. You wrote “bald” instead of “bold” at one point. Once I found there was a quotation mark missing when Touga was speaking. Beyond that, however, I have found nothing.
That, I believe, wraps up my review. I wanted to take some time, now, to thank you for writing this story. Flawed or no, it is an amazing story, and I’m honored for having had the chance to read it. As a fellow author, even if I am writing for a different fandom, I know just how much work goes into writing stories like this one, and the project you have taken on leaves me in awe. So thank you. Thank you for writing this. Thank you for posting it. Thank you for continuing to work on it. Just-
(Because authors aren’t told that enough, and you certainly deserve to be told that I, at the very least, appreciate everything you’ve done.)
I’ll continue reading, and I’ll probably write another review at one point or another with anything else I’ve noticed. May writer's block never grace your home, and I’ll see you next chapter.
| Night.Owl.Kisa chapter 48 . 8/17
Love this story, hope you are able to update it soon cuz the plots getting really good
| A Heart's Lonely Cry chapter 2 . 8/1
Dear Amber, I truly hope that you do not listen to that a-hole that won't leave their name. I sit on pins and needles for any new chapters that you post. I don't care how long it takes you to write them, I enjoy reading AND rereading all of your stories! SO PLEASE don't remove any of them! I understand about having kids and the time you NEED to spend with them everyday. It's a mom thing believe me I know. Although my kids are all grown up now my youngest still lives with me. I also understand about writers block. I have a story running around inside my head that I can't figure out how to even start writing down. BUT I DO REALLY ENJOY ALL OF YOUR STORIES! I have you favored on ;A Single Spark; and your own bookmark for ! I just hope and prey that you trash the people that are too chicken to leave a name and e-mail for you AND only listen to those of us who REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE your stories. Yours Truly, Jenny Millette Florida,USA
| Guest chapter 49 . 7/18
Omgoodness! Please update! I love this story!
| Isura Akimi chapter 49 . 7/16
Hi, I have been reading all your fanfics for a long time and I am sorry for not posting a review more often. I really like the way you write as your one of the few authors who actually develop your characters and your historical fics like Splintered Realities show that you also take the trouble research your historical facts. These are really appealing to me as a History student. I hope you continue producing more great fics especially as your one of those rare authors who write decent Inupapa and Kagome stories and I love the he is portrayed in them. Also could you recommend some good Inupapa and Kagome fics to me? Also I wonder if you ever though to write yu yu hakusho and inuyasha crossovers as I am sure you would be those rare few who would do Kurama's character justice. This site really needs more writers like you.
| Tsukikoinuhime25 chapter 49 . 6/24
Inuyasha is finally conceived! At least I think so. I've been waiting sooo long for it though! I want to see Touga's reaction to it!
| tiffanyb123 chapter 49 . 6/17
I hope you wil update soon :)
| Pat Portillo chapter 49 . 5/18
Hola! Ojalá vuelvas a actualizar esta historia pronto! Es una de las mejores que haya leído... saludos!
| Lairenna chapter 49 . 5/11
Ah! I can't believe I am only reading this in its entirety just now! But to be fair I usually only read completed stories. I LOVE it! I wish you well on your "real" writing, and I hope to see another chapter for this soon!
| Guest chapter 10 . 4/15
That moment you want fanfiction for an OC
| SinonAlaster chapter 1 . 3/16
I have read this storyear several timesmall and each time I love it. I really like this pairing and I wish there were more out there. Of the ones I've read, this one is definitely my favorite! Your writing style is exemplary and I like how you develop the plot and the characters within your story. I can't wait to read your next chapter for this story!
| Guest chapter 49 . 3/2
I think I read this ages ago back when the first arc had just been completed. It's delightful to catch up. Well researched and plotted, as always.
| SparklingSnowfall chapter 49 . 3/3
I really like this chapter. It was nice to see Kagome have a good day for a change. I'm hoping that the good vibes Kagome and Touga were feeling are a portent that the plot is about to move forward to something I've been waiting for. Love Kagome's dad and brother and would hate to see anything bad happen to them. You've really done a great job with them.
I just love Satori in this chapter. Her support of Kagome, Touga, and Sesshoumaru is awesome. You've also done a wonderful job on Sesshoumaru's characterization. BTW, Arata is one of my favorite characters. I don't remember a lot, but I hope he continues to be a good guy. The intrigue in this chapter is intricate and amazing, and I love the cooperation of all these characters.
Sorry I hadn't reviewed before now. I love this chapter. :)
| EllaJuroku chapter 49 . 1/30
I was wondering, when is the next chapter coming out? Please let me know when it comes out, I would love to read it. I do hope you have not chosen to discontinue the story, because it is a great story to read. If you do discontinue the story please let me know so I can remove it from my favorites.
Thank You for taking the time to read this is a great story to read & I love reading it so much!