|Reviews for Kageto: The Saiyan Supreme and the Fate Protectors|
| FireStorm1991 chapter 36 . 8/22/2013
And the review I promised: "trololololololol" XD Jk
(real review: Where the heck did all the Saiyans come from? I know I had to have missed something there XD)
| FireStorm1991 chapter 34 . 8/22/2013
Well, even King Vegeta deserves a friend. lol. I actually kind of liked Koji :)
| FireStorm1991 chapter 33 . 8/22/2013
Wow...they can't win, huh? What a twist. So are Cooler and Chilled still out there...man, I really don't like Chilled now. I still need to see that special where he appeared. lol. Anyways, moving on XD
| FireStorm1991 chapter 32 . 8/22/2013
Wow, intense backstory...Raichi was going to use Kageto to build something to harm his own race? Well...that's new. Anyways, onto the next chapter :)
| FireStorm1991 chapter 31 . 8/22/2013
Aw, I feel really bad for Fasha D: But Bojack is gone so that's a plus...It was a good chapter, just now I am sad :( Well, time to keep trekking. :)
| FireStorm1991 chapter 30 . 8/22/2013
Wow, well, I barely remember the Bojack movie, but man, was Bojack really that much of a jerk? Well, I hope she doesn't listen. Anyways, I'll go onto the other chapters now :)
| FireStorm1991 chapter 16 . 8/22/2013
Lol, I love how Cooler is the reason for his own death XD Gets me every time :)
| FireStorm1991 chapter 22 . 8/22/2013
I must have missed something between all these chs, but why were they trying to kill each other in a battle royale, and wow...Vegeta has attitude (but we knew that)...what was I saying...oh right! Who the heck is Throah?
| FireStorm1991 chapter 15 . 8/22/2013
Well...I'm now starting to read the few chapters of this you wanted and I have to say this explains more about Destiny's power. Though the Creator is being...weird. Why want Kageto to be destroyed? Too many people want the Saiyan gone...hasn't he been through enough yet?
| Super Vegetarott chapter 43 . 5/26/2013
I. Opening Statement.
I agree with you when you say that this was the most emotional chapter yet. More on that later.
Lucif's covered everything I needed to cover, quite honestly.
Your Slug... my goodness, he was absolutely incredible! Seriously, he's one of the most beautifully portrayed characters on this site. The way you portray his arrogance as a tyrant while still incorporating his TFS self was fantastic!
Your Broly, on the other hand, was rather droll and dull. I feel like I could've subbed out any character to put in Broly's place and the story wouldn't be changed a bit.
Very interesting alternative to the method of time travel. I wonder how you'll incorporate Broly into the future events.
V. Closing Statement.
Good chapter, but it was mostly carried by Slug. Seriously, I think you should write a fic on him XD.
| LucifVegeta chapter 43 . 5/19/2013
I. Opening Statement
Hey, Kage! From what has been said on the forum I can tell that this chapter will be emotional. Let's get to this review!
It seems that there were a few meaningless mistakes (using a semicolon in the wrong place, misspelling a word, etc) that weren't recurring errors. I will skip over those unless you tell me you want me to point them out. Now, there was a recurring error that I did notice in this chapter.
The combination of two independent clauses. Now, this is a difficult process to learn, but independent clauses have to be connected by what is known as a "comma FANBOYS". What I mean by that is two standalone sentences cannot be connected without something of the sort; here is an example of one of your sentences.
"The door opened and a blue woman with two antennas sprouting from her cheeks entered the room carrying a vase-like container containing a white liquid."
Seems fine, right? Actually, that is incorrect. Notice the two separate independent clauses in this sentence:
"The door opened"
"A blue woman with two antennas... etc"
Now, they ARE connected in this sentence with the word "and". However, since they are two standalone clauses, you need to use the comma FANBOYS rule. FANBOYS is an acronym for "for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so". Those are the words that you can connect independent clauses with. You just need a comma before that word when connecting two independent clauses :)
Other than that, your grammar was very well-done. Great job.
I found a little bit of your dialogue to be on the weak side, and a little bit of your dialogue to be on the awesometastic side. One of my main qualms was when Broly said, "I am now traveling the universe to seek a purpose in life". That seems incredibly forced and naive... It just seems Broly is just telling random people that fact with no importance whatsoever. It comes off in the same manner as any other piece of dialogue which loses the intensity of the actual characterization.
Another example of this is when Broly said "I want to do everything myself and on my own." That just seems so... explicit, you know what I mean? Like, it seems like he has to explain things very clearly to get his point across, and that loses the subtlety and the underlying characterization. It seems forced.
A major part of your story is the subtle humor that you incorporate. Honestly, I believe you are one of the best writers I have ever seen at using humorous dialogue and still making the story serious. FANTASTIC job!
I am going to say this now before I forget: Lord Slug is your best character of all time. He literally outclasses every other villain that I have seen in your story by a wide margin, and that is saying something because you've had some good villains. He's just like an angry fanboy or something, and it is freaking hilarious! All his dialogue is exceptional ("The hell are you?! Are you one of those troublesome youth that are into the occult or some shit like that? When did you dye your hair blue? I could have sworn it was black!") ("That's the same shit!" Slug yelled as he snapped.) (ETC) AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME job.
Now, Broly... Let me just say that I have no idea in hell how he is characterized. It just seemed like there was a clusterfuck of characterizations going on, and honestly I have no clue how he changed so much from scene to scene. I know you fulfilled the "purpose in life" thing, but other than that... I could definitely tell you lost track of why you wrote it. Broly seemed like 100 different characters at once because he acted differently in every scene. This is my main qualm of the chapter.
So a black hole caused Broly to get transported to another place, huh? A wormhole? Very interesting. That is taking the same concept of time travel and making it a little more unique. Nice job there.
You did a great job explaining the Slug mythos. I really enjoyed the story of how he came, and you successfully built up a fear by telling it in the way you did. Awesome work.
Now, I did find some qualms with the scene where Broly kills the soldiers. I felt like the pacing was much too rushed, and that caused the transition into the "what have I done?!" to feel forced. Adding to that, wasn't Sharia advocating NOT fighting, and Broly WANTED to fight? They suddenly switched roles, and I didn't understand that.
Ooh... I liked the Shade scene... very intimidating, and it sets up a piece of the larger picture. Adding to that, the next Lord Slug scene was one of the greatest scenes I have EVER seen you write. Major, major, major props to that. It was hilarious, sadistically so, and very fun to read.
Damn, every Lord Slug scene is fantastic! Easily the best part of this chapter. Like, maybe best scenes of your entire writing career. The last scene was also pretty emotional, so good job there. Only thing I could suggest is taking the time to really show us how it looks and feels. Slow the pace, make us feel for Broly more. Still, I enjoyed it.
VI. Closing Statement
Overall, a solid chapter saved by Lord Slug and the vaporization of Sharia. Good work!
| Guest chapter 43 . 5/13/2013
Nice chapter, and man, you really are a truly hilarious author. I love reading your work and laughing about it. Now to quote the illustrious "Guest,"...
| LucifVegeta chapter 42 . 5/2/2013
I. Opening Statement
I apologize profusely for taking so long to review! Hopefully I will be able to read the next chapter quicker. This has just been a crazy few weeks filled with school and sports, so I haven't been able to do much. With that being said, let's get started!
I noticed some typos here and there that would've probably been found with another edit. If you want specific examples, just ask.
As far as grammar, most everything was fantastic. I only noticed one recurring error, and it has to do with dialogue. Ex:
"Don't worry, Lord Icex," Jack replied chuckling, "I'm at your service."
It should be...
"Don't worry, Lord Icex," Jack replied chuckling. "I'm at your service."
Notice the period instead of the comma after chuckling? In phrases like these, you should use a period there. Just a heads up.
I think it's hilarious when you have characters break the fourth wall! You just have a way of effortlessly incorporating humor into an action story. Great work! I like how your dialogue just flowed so well, by the way. It's kind of awesome-wait, VERY awesome-how you are able to write dialogue so well. Amazing job!
The one thing I think you COULD do in regards to formatting/syntax is use more imagery. Maybe describe the details of your fights with the ghost warriors more? They didn't last long at all, so maybe it was because of that, but I couldn't visualize them very much.
I don't have much to say in this regard since nearly all of your characters in this chapter were OC. I will say that I love how Cooler and Chilled sort of mesh together; Cooler is the domineering and controlling Arcosian while Chilled is the brain and "go with the flow" Arcosian.
Raichi was also very well done. He seems like a know-it-all who is obsessed with Hatchiyack! Also, Icex and Jack were written very well. Awesome job!
The Arcosians will arrive on Earth any time now! Awesome. I can't wait! Their plan seems so... foolproof. And now that Kageto and Bardock aren't unbeatable gods, I can't wait to see the results of this saga.
VI. Closing Statement
I hope you enjoyed my review!
| Guest chapter 42 . 4/22/2013
You should read and review "Bringer of Death." It is a really cool DBZ story and I think you'd like it.
| Super Vegetarott chapter 42 . 4/20/2013
The story seems a bit choppy, like your older chapters. However, it was still a fun read.
"Roses are red... Violets are blue... Well, actually, violets are violets so SCREW YOU!"
That was humourous.
Looking forward to seeing what happens next.