|Reviews for Team Tsume|
| Guest chapter 6 . 9/10
You're making out Naruto to be all brawn and no brains. He's actually ignorant, not stupid. And he's pretty good at on the spot strategy and thinking outside the box. Of course, he's too impatient for long term planning, and Shikamaru usually takes time to process things and come up with a good strategy. He's never shown to think up ideas on the fly.
| LittleChomper chapter 47 . 5/21
Soooo...this rebellion will end with Hokage's side lose? And I haven't see Shikamaru and Kai for awhile. I think we need to see their POV too, but still... i m tired with people die in every chapter.
| LittleChomper chapter 37 . 5/21
This is super unfair for Hokage and his allies. The rebels has akatsuki, oto, some clans, a lot of shinobi. Hokage only have some Anbu, some genin, and some jonin.
| Battlesny chapter 1 . 3/18
really, why are all authors afraid of being hated for putting an OC in their story?
I mean, I am currently reading about 3-dozen Naruto fanfics and having the same people in every single one is starting to get boring.
| JokersLastLaugh chapter 47 . 12/25/2014
This was a good story and I really enjoyed reading it. I dope hope that you update soon because I would love to read this story to its conclusion.
| Kunohichi8 chapter 8 . 6/13/2014
| Maeahru chapter 28 . 3/28/2014
Ok, I've read enough to review this story properly I think. First of all, this is a very solid story-bordering on a great story. I would certainly recommend this story to anyone that enjoys Naruto fan fiction.
I can't find where you say what kind of review you like so you'll get the kind I like to give :)
I'll start with how I [personally] think this story could be better. You have a reasonably good plot and characters, particularly your main OC and Shikamaru. If only you had placed the setting in a different hidden village (or at least a different time-period of Konoha) this would be one of the better Naruto stories out there. I know non-naruto-cast stories are less popular when they first arrive on the reading scene but they shine brilliantly as long as the writer is good-which you clearly are. The problem I have is allowing myself a full cognitive estrangement towards the established characters.
You have chosen a writing path that focuses solely on the protagonists and leaves the antagonists and supporting cast almost fully in the dark. This makes some sense in the drama/adventure/suspense atmosphere you are creating. However, it means that 'your' Ino/Inuzuka/etc are totally different then the ones 'I know' and I have no understanding of why or even how they are different. I don't mind writers making a character their own but if they do so I want to see the process of why and how. (Purely for speculative reasons I will give the best settings in my opinion: Grass, Sand, Waterfall, Mist, Star, Rain or Stone.)
That being said and having said that...
Kei - Excellently written. I feel like you have neither given copious amounts of background on her nor spent a lot of time developing her character... and yet her character just fits and is quite fully developed. Her character creation was simply good enough to allow her natural story to unfold. She is nothing special either as a shinobi or as a person per-say but she knows her limitations and strengths and so is better than she should be.
Shikamaru - ...is always awesome! You have left him in-character and he fits the role you wanted for him perfectly.
Naruto - He isn't quite as integral of a character as Kei or Shikamaru for the story. Rather he is a good supporting member of Team Tsume. Had you chosen someone else for the third member I think it would have worked but he does his job as the heavy hitter and potential conscience of the trio. Looking back it is interesting that Inoichi chose him for his potential honest charisma rather then his intellect. I feel like you want him to fit in to Team Tsume a little to much rather then focusing on what you mentioned at the beginning of the story. What you have done instead is given him Kurama for that little extra knowledge and power-it works but I think there could have been something Inoichi could have developed more.
Inoichi - Truthfully he has hardly been present in the story?
Neji - Definitely one of your best characters and this is what I meant earlier about allowing myself to see 'your' characters for who they are. While you didn't bring out his background I felt like I understood him as one of your characters. Through his actions, both joining the rebellion and willingness to leave the rebellion, I could see his thought process and heart motive.
Ino/Hinata - (Though Chapter 28) I'm placing them together because I feel as if you want us suspended between thinking one or the other (or both) are traitors. I could see either of them joining a rebellion for various reasons. Unfortunately, I'm left as in the dark as team Tsume on why their attitudes (as well as the other Genin) are changing so rapidly and diversely to what I'm used to... If Ino is the main Genin antagonist I would like to see her reasons/how she became that way throughout the process.
Other two Genin OC's - Both are a little flat as characters even though you have hinted that they could have some complexity... Not much to say there.
A relatively simple plot-line (which does not mean bad!) so far but quite suitable for the Elemental Nations. I feel like similar plots could be happening at any given time in any given nations government-it fits well with the Ninja Village theme. Oddly enough, I feel like I should sympathize with the original thought process of the rebellion-The Hokage doesn't seem to be doing his job properly and instead is setting up a team to take care of his paranoia. Unfortunately, as is so often the case, the rebellion is hi-jacked by evil intentions and so the Hokage's paranoia is justified... a potentially vicious cycle.
So far (chapter 28) the readers have been left in the dark concerning the antagonists but your hints of an Ino/Inoichi confrontation as well as a potential Hinata/Hiashi confrontation are interesting. I just can't see a Shikamaru/Shikaku confrontation. Shikaku would have not allowed the rebellion to progress in the manner it has if he were involved-they would have already fixed the issue or been a lot more subtle.
Anyways, enough of a review for the half-way point... Thanks for the excellent writing, I wish you better health and I shall continue to read.
| doomsdarkrai chapter 1 . 3/19/2014
Oh, how I beg you to not make this a Self Insert Mary Sue story! The premise is amazing and your narrative style is like a delicacy for my reading buds. Please do not spoil the fanfic by focusing on Shimizu Kei.
| AzureNemesis chapter 47 . 2/12/2014
...Huh. Interesting fanfic, even if it has a really strange flow. I would read more if you continued it.
| Aquamarine Lacus chapter 2 . 1/21/2014
bahh or maybe I got the date wrong? _ WELL ANYWA HAPPEH NEW YEAR?! :D?
| Aquamarine Lacus chapter 1 . 1/21/2014
XAI XAI XAI :O
How are you doing? D:
| The silent hard worker chapter 1 . 9/22/2013
And i am back, i thought of waiting until it reaches a closure to read everythinhg, But i couldnt wait. Why are you such a good writer damn it! Go make a book thats very expensive, i woud still buy it. I think your my sort of celebrity crush. Now i am going to read everything from the start till the end.
| Pric3y chapter 47 . 9/2/2013
Amazing, and Amazing fic! I both hate and enjoy fics like this where there are loyal and rebel characters for some reason and sons of them die cos I like most of the canon characters and it makes me sad when some of them die like Anko Kurenai Neji cos they are cool characters, looking forward to the next update.
What will happen with Sakura and what does Danzo want with her? What was the info that Ino read?
| lady kae chapter 9 . 8/31/2013
Is naruto still the 4th's son? Or was that an excuse they used to hide the truth even from him (kakashi)? Because I dont think the chakra would change his looks like that -he is his own person after all.
| Dante Nastaran chapter 47 . 8/29/2013
I'm so glad you've returned. I've missed our end of chapter talks. As far as issues to be addressed or things I think you've neglected & such, I believe I've covered those in my previous reviews. I'd say more but I would need to go back & reread the story so that I remember everything. Unfortunately w/school just having started that may take awhile but I will try to reread the last couple chapters to jog my memory a bit when I get the time & message you any extra opinion or thing I may have missed in my chapterly review.