Reviews for The Golden Moon
pippinthehobbit chapter 26 . 1/3/2005
wow...just wow. this was a very well written fanfic...i actually shouted out when Gohan died (i just love that character). towards the end you seemed to grow tired of the story, like you wanted to hurry up and wrap it up so you could start on the next story. wish you woulda showed more of the reunion of everyone...i really would have loved to have seen Goku, Gohan, and Goten being reunited with the rest of their family. but good over all...will def. read the sequel!

-*Pippin*-
Demivolte chapter 26 . 7/22/2004
Wow... just... wow. This is incredible... it's one of the best fics i've ever read. Some of it was predictable... but still. I love it. Really keep up the awsome work. Your fics are inspiring!
K1K chapter 27 . 12/25/2003
INCREDIBLE thats all i can say about this fic truly great work and very impressive
DoraMouse chapter 27 . 9/3/2003
...

This is hard for me to write. Rev... Thanks for the compliment in the authors notes, I don't know that I deserve it. And thanks for this story. I've read it twice now. All the way through. Just to make sure. And...

You can do better, Rev.

I'm sorry. I had to say it. This is a decent story. You put a lot of effort into it. I appreciate that. But...

Somewhere between chapter 17 and chapter 20... The feeling just died, you know? It was like you lost interest. Things just semed to get... Really redundant. Predictable. Ultimately, kind of pointless. It was... Kinda like Itchy and Scratchy, from the Simpsons. Ever seen that? Where the cat pulls out a mallet and then the mouse pulls out a bigger mallet and so on and so forth until both of them have mallets larger than planet Earth.

That's kind of what this story reminded me of. Especially the last few chapters. Maybe you were bored with this project. Maybe you were rushed. Maybe you just wanted to get this finished. I don't know. The formerly-intriguing plot went a hundred percent cliche. Right down to the happy ending where everything's been repaired.

You do write action sequences fairly well Rev. Can picture it, most the time. And you give the characters limits. Remind us that it's not fun for them to go through this stuff. Speculate a bit on group strategy. Had some interesting ideas about what certain characters may be capable of. I applaud all that.

Still. I do think that the fights herein dragged out a smidge longer than necessary. In light of the sheer amount of character experience, I mean. Granted, this is an AU fic. But you do seem to acknowledge/refer to the canon series for the history. Which means that, before this story takes place, Goku - and the rest of them - have been through everything DB and DBZ could throw at them.

So at the end of this fic... I'm sitting there thinking: well, why didn't they think of THAT sooner? Why couldn't Gohan - and maybe even Goten - have learned about Kaioken from their Dad at some point during the last ten years? Doesn't this situation remind any of them of the Cell Games? Or the fight against Garlic Junior? Or Buu? And hey, speaking of Buu - where was he during all this? And why didn't anyone think to destroy the Golden Moon earlier? What happened to Chaozu? He was in this story a minute ago... What happened with Marron and Android 17 and the Red Ribbon mechs they saw? What happened to Videl? Wasn't she in this story earlier? Or am I thinking of something else? And how could they have gathered the dragonballs? I know Dende stayed alive and everything but wouldn't the actual dragonballs have been on Earth? Wouldn't Morgoths blast-big-enough-to-cover-a-planet have destroyed those?

Eh. Forgive me for being such a weirdness, Rev. It's just the way I am. I can't enjoy a story as much when it leaves so many things unexplained.

You created all these interesting little situations and then just seemed to forget about them. No closure, really. Even if the various characters were just vaporized and wished back later, as your ending more or less implies... I dunno. Guess I had hoped to at least see them mentioned again. Maybe in the sequel?

Anyway. In the end, I suppose, you weren't trying to focus on the human characters so it's only natural that they would get blown away and forgotten about for a bit. You had to focus on your villians, after all. And you did great in that department. Nice complex characters too - well, at least the vampires were - though at times, the plot hardly did them justice. There were points in the story where Morgoth seemed to be as tired of the redundacies as I was.

Uhm. Well, it's been a quite a rant, eh? Take it as a compliment. Please. I only rant at the people that I respect as writers. Take care Rev! Look forward to seeing what you do with the sequel. A decade, eh? So you're setting the sequel after GT then? Should be interesting.

~DoraMouse
Divine Heart chapter 27 . 8/28/2003
Very good! This was a great story, I loved it! _

*!*Divine*!*
Purely Me chapter 27 . 8/1/2003
Wow, you are so good! Love your story! Expret writer! I've read it twice now! And it gets better the second time around! You are an awesome writer! Keep it up!
DoraMouse chapter 10 . 7/29/2003
Wow. O-kay. Well... The plot comes together rather quickly doesn't it? And without focusing on any one character too heavily. Very good, that. Doesn't get redundant. Keeps things moving, keeps the readers attention.

Like the setup, even though little bits and pieces of the plot ring cliche. At times this story reminded me of parts of the official series and at other times... The scene with the robots attacking Kame Island, for example, reminded me very much of the 'Ki Blind' fanfic by Sholio. Not entirely a bad thing but it might make a person wonder about your inspirations.

Anyway. Definately a good setup. By leaving things so wonderfully open, you've created lots of suspense. Honestly makes it hard to 'put the story down' once a person has started reading.

Having Goku, Vegeta and Dende unable to return to Earth helped the flow of the writing. Aside from adding a touch of suspense and keeping the action scenes from being too predictable - it kept the story from being too dark/angsty since the scenes with them waiting to return to Earth were a bit funny. N' I think you got it right. Goku would be pacing all over the place.

Nice to see so many characters involved. King Kai. Korin. UUb. Gotenks. Android 18 - before she was killed.(Krillen is handling the loss awfully well...) And Arda... Strange but likeable character. (Self-insertion, I wonder?) Yea. It could be hard to approach the 'z-fighters' (random thought: why would they call themselves that? Have they been watching the anime? ;P) without getting killed. I mean with all that the characters have been through, it would make perfect sense for them to be suspicious of newcomers. Especially mysterious newcomers with high power levels who are asking for Goku.

Too bad the fighters have used up all their senzu already. Guess they'll have to rely on healers now. Dende, if he gets to Earth. Buu, if he gets involved in the plot. And maybe Kaiobit, if he visits Earth.

Enjoyed the original mythology that you've included. The Good-Evil-Power creation story. The levels of hell. The idea that vampires from outer space do not conform to Earthly stereotypes. (Gosh, do I detect some sarcasm there? ;P) And of course the whole legend of the Golden Moon. Very cool to have a legend that's so well known that Earth has never heard of it before - but multiple villians have.

I'll read the rest of this story when I can, Rev. Look forward to seeing if Morgoth makes it to Earth. Half expect this to turn into a Morgoth vs. Osiris battle but there are so many different ways it could turn out. Have I mentioned that you did a really good job with the setup?

Take Care!

~DoraMouse
raziel the blasphemous chapter 1 . 7/23/2003
the best fan fiction ever made!

Thank You Mike!

from jj
Ma Junior1 chapter 27 . 7/3/2003
An exceptional story. The world of vampires and other such mosters has alway intrigued me, and I was very happy to see it put into a DBZ fanfic. Your writing, as you have stated, is very good, and I anxiously await a sequel to "Golden Moon".
Knight's Shadow chapter 27 . 7/3/2003
Really awesome do another soon.
Prince marcus chapter 27 . 7/2/2003
well, i read this one time before, and loved it. I read it all again... and liked it even more! You are an awesome writer and I think your little fic would make a sweet saga in the show! Or maybe a movie! I loved it more than last time! Good job!
Tyleet87 chapter 1 . 6/16/2003
what the hell are you talking about? i never reviewed any of your stories before. please clear this up for me. thanks
Guest chapter 27 . 5/25/2003
Great story! I loved how you described all the fighting and action. The vampires were pretty cool too.
FENIXguy chapter 27 . 5/15/2003
OH, BRAVO. That was absolutely brilliant, must be the best DBZ fic Ive ever read. You know how to keep it all important, and most importantly, you know how to write fascinating, detailed fight scenes, a talent many DBZ writers lack. I commend you for your great work(2 b honest, at the beggining, when i read your description, i thought, vampire? dbz? corny! but a si can c, i was completely wrong.) I await your sequel, great job
John chapter 27 . 5/12/2003
I noticed your fic before but I lost track of it before I got too far. I finally came across it again and after finishing it I can truly say that this is one of the best fanfics I've ever read. Ranks in my top ten. Keep up the great writing. I will wait for the sequel.

I'm also impressed that your fic was based on action. Most action fics aren't as detailed and intruiging as yours. Congrats!
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