|Reviews for Jane Shepard: This Is My Story|
| SinsMelody chapter 10 . 7/22/2012
Ahh poor Joker, loved the ending to this chapter!
| Monkey D. Lyna chapter 9 . 6/29/2012
this is a good story! I like the creativity, i hope you continue writing more chapters soon! :)
| SinsMelody chapter 9 . 6/17/2012
I liked this! Something fresh and different, can't wait for the next chapter!
| Panda Krios chapter 8 . 5/31/2012
Nice story, one thing I know she's your shep but in no way shape or form could shep dance lmao. The only thing she did in the game was the shepard's shuffle and did you see that part on Samara mission when she dances *falls on floor laughing*. I can't wait for me2, don't get me wrong I love mass effect one but in a way it bored me to death. Overall keep it up,and I hope you feel better :)
| Jillness chapter 6 . 5/24/2012
I'm really enjoying your story so far and I am looking forward to reading more in the future. Keep up the good work!
| Charm Quark chapter 4 . 4/30/2012
Hey there, just dropping in to tell you that I enjoyed your story so far. I'm not I usually a fan for stories completely told from video and audio logs(I know it's just ME1), they have a script like format that can discourage a lot of detailing.
But I like this one, I'm not sure what yet, maybe it's just your manifest of Shepard -Badass Vanguard
Besides just enjoying your story and leaving it at that, I figured I would give some advice. Advice being just that, take it or leave it, I'm no professional at this anyway.
1) Slow down and explain: You have pretty good detail, it gets the message across and I can get some imagery (Shepard's mannerisms and looks, etc) but that's not really. You tend to skim over major plot points as if it is forgone knowledge. For instance, Chapter 1:
"Then that crazy Prothean beacon picked me up and blew up."
That's the equivalent of me talking to my friend about how I watched someone get arrested and "Oh yeah, then my car exploded". It's anti-climatic and unrealistic. People usually like telling telling stories, especially when it is something exciting that happened to them. We like to build suspense and then deliver the blow (Though I would agree your character would seem like that type to say "fuck it" to suspense and go straight for the blow)
My suggestion? Explain those events a little better, build up the climax a litter higher, you get?
That's all I got for now, just a bit of advice to keep in mind, for the next update! Whenever that will be...One more thing, loved the orange marmalade description XD -Spot on.
P.S. You don't need the disclaimers, if you don't want them ;)