|Reviews for Play|
| MissScorp chapter 1 . 1/29
I am pretty much fandom blind here, so I can’t really comment on characters and such (besides Donkey… even *I* know Donkey Kong haha). Even still, I found this a unique piece. Really love the use of the first person in this piece; I think it works well in retelling this story from the POV of your main character, Wolf. Again, fandom blindness, so I don’t know if Wolf is a canon character or if he’s something you created, but I gotta say that I love his character. He’s like a more degenerative version of Han Solo and Dean Winchester in my mind lol just fantastic.
I love how you open this line with one word of dialogue: (("Crimson.")). I thought at first that it was a color representation, but as I read on, I found out that this is the codename of the target that ‘Jennifer’ and Wolf are after. Really nice way of dragging me into the story and making me care about finding out who Crimson is.
I just thought this was a fantastic line: ((...she twirls her chestnut hair through her finger.)). It’s very simple and not overly detailed, but it’s a great line to showcase what the character is doing at the time.
Oh, this was a great line to showcase how women will commonly refer to another one: (("which in my dictionary means we're facing a slut.")). I seriously laughed my butt off when I read this. This was a perfect way to inject some humor into things here.
Another great way to inject some humor here: ((It looks like I screwed the pooch on this one.)). Also, this is a really great way to get into the mind frame and mentality of Wolf himself. He’s snarky and capable of admitting when he’s walked headlong into a bad situation.
Yup, I knew this guy was a more degenerative and dangerous version of Han Solo and Dean Winchester right here with this line: (("So, doll," I mumble, as I cross my legs and lay my filthy boots on a cherry tea table in front of me "tell me there's another one of you, and tell me she's as bangable as you.")). Love that he’s cuffed, drugged, a bit hangover, in a situation where he could be killed, and he’s pissing off the woman who could take his head off by snarking at her about having a sister. Just perfect!
Oh, this line is threateningly cool: (("The world is a playground to me, and playtime has just started.")). Badass right here. I can almost imagine someone like Sam Jackson muttering this line right before tearing somebody a new a-hole in fact. Really fantastic line.
This was a great closer right here: ((but one thing that's always stayed the same after every goodbye is that eventually we find ourselves back together, victorious and staring across the ocean.)). The relationship between these two is interesting in that it doesn’t seem like they are a couple, even though they have aspects where it seems like they are. It’s a greatly interesting relationship, but it’s a perfect way to bring the story full circle, because I can harken back to the first page and remember how they stood and looked over the ocean before they parted (and things went to hell).
Just one minor point:
((Holding a plasma gun in her hand is a tall, fit woman fit in a blue jumpsuit and sporting brown hair.)): just a repetition of the word (fit). Just remove the (fit) after (woman) and you’ll be good to go :)
In all this was a fantastic story. Great job!
| Ersatz Einstein chapter 1 . 12/14/2013
You have a tendency to misuse and overuse commas while ignoring them when they are necessary (such as after "in addition"). The resulting run-ons make it difficult to tell when one thought ends and another begins. You had some annoying typos as well ("quiet" instead of "quite" in one instance, for example). Your characterization of Wolf, particularly regarding his involvement with Crimson and the way he handled the death threat, was inconsistent.
However, you handled the action scenes well. You didn't repeat information too often, even background information (the death of many a decent fic). In spite of the natural "Seriously? Birdo?"-type response some of the characters evoked, the tone was fairly gritty and serious. Samus was an interesting choice for Wolf's partner, and she worked better than pretty much any character I could've thought of.
| Lady Paprika chapter 1 . 1/14/2013
If this review will what graduate this work, then by all means will I make it long and awesome. Instead of just reading and then reviewing, I have pulled up text edit and will be writing my review as I go along… Trying something different if you will. I hope this format doesn't bug you! XD
So without further ado, here's my epic review!
Right off the bat, I really like how you set the tone with the starting dialogue. Crimson. I suppose, judging by your author's note that this is going to be dark, bloody and all around gritty. Crimson's a good place to start.
…Ah, so it's a name. Crimson, huh? Something tells me this is Samus… But I could be wrong. Actually, now that I think about it, I think Wolf's partner is Samus going by an alias. So maybe Crimson is Peach? Zelda?
Ohkay, so maybe Crimson is ACTUALLY somebody else… an anthropomorphic wolf/fox/dog of some sort.
Oh, watch out for dialogue. A lot of authors make the mistake of writing dialogue like this:
"Also," she continues," rumor has it…"
When the correct formatting can be either this:
"Also," she continues. "Rumor has it…"
"Also, she says, pausing for effect before continuing, "Rumor has it…"
Difference between he latter and what you'd originally put is that basically you need another dialogue tag (before continuing) if you want to put a comma. Or at least, I think you do…
"Jennifer. She doesn't look like a Jennifer to me, honestly, but they don't have to know that."
That sentence above… who are they?! AM I READING TOO MUCH INTO THIS?!
"Believe you me, I don't like waking up in dirty cells…"
Pretty sure there's supposed to be no you in there.
…Wait, what?! WHY IS WOLF CHAINED UP. IS HE AN ILLEGAL BOUNTY HUNTER. (probably, considering his nature)
…Ohhh, okay things are making a lot more sense. I sense a time shift here. Oh Wolf *facepalm* Y U SO STOOPID. How could you not see that that was Crimson?!
"At the dive bar I met her at the drinks are definitely not worth dying for."
I'm guessing you meant to say, "At the dive bar, I met her where the drinks were which definitely are not worth dying for." Or something along those lines.
…Okay screw what I said earlier. I found it cumbersome to read and then write my reactions to everything, especially since after that everything got SO INTENSE and I couldn't stop reading.
DAFUQ MoD?! HOW COULD YOU MESS WITH MY FEELS LIKE THAT!
I do enjoy how you wrote Wolf. He ain't no hero in here, but he's not entirely a villain. I don't know, really. It's like he said… What's the difference between killing for good and killing for evil? Still, chills ran down my spine when he said he'd killed Samus and King triple D, Birdo (why Birdo?) and Pit. But mostly, Samus was shocking…
...And then it wasn't when I learned my initial guess was right. XD
But man, oh man, that was a whirlwind of emotions right there. I suspect not so much because of the plot.
The plot is quite ordinary. Thugs capturing Wolf and Wolf breaking free. But what makes this an emotional rollercoaster is HOW you wrote this. How we find out things about Wolf. He's snarky, he's wry and he's blunt as well as cocky to a point that it gets him into the mess in the first place… Yet his one redeeming quality… the one thing that makes me root for his escape and to win is Samus… or rather the way he interacts with Jennifer. There's something there that adds to his character… that one thing saves him in the end. It doesn't make him a "good" character, or a hero by any means… Indeed, he's still an asshole, but it makes us connect with him. So well done on this character study. It really is amazing, amazing, amazing.
Oh, and I found a few missing/added words that seemed off, but I was too lazy to put them up. Not a lot really, just stuff you'd find it you read over it carefully.
Erm... But yeah. Great job on this colossal one-shot. It isn't often that I can read something this huge online in one sitting and yet this manages to. Yay!
| Green Phantom Queen chapter 1 . 1/10/2013
This somewhat reminds me of very old Westerns. It's well written and I can somehow see Wolf in the wild west instead of outer space.
The dialogue and first person POV is spectacular. I got drawn in to Wolf's monologue, and the cursing actually adds onto his character. He's cynical-but not too cynical-and he also knows where he stands. If I analyze him through TVtropes scale of anti-heroes, he'd be a Type IV, as he does pretty dark things in his way to kill people, but he's not a complete sociopath seeing as he has Samus there. The relationship the two have is very nice; they're together and that's all they need and it will help them carry on through their hardships.
Congratulations. This was a very beautiful story.
| RedheadedMarina chapter 1 . 1/1/2013
I thoroughly enjoyed this story, from start to finish. The way you describe Wolf, through dialogue and action and thoughts, makes me see him as a combination of Indiana Jones, John McClane, and a touch of James Bond. Well, and also a tiny bit of Sherlock Holmes for his talent in taking clues from the physical situation around him.
The writing is full of visual bursts that immerse me in the environment, and you take me as the reader on a coaster of humor to scary to hilarious to suspense to REALLY DANGEROUS NOW, and keep me on the edge of: should I worry? No, he's got it. Well, he kind of doesn't, okay, now WORRY WORRY ACK NOOOO! And then you bring me off the ledge and hand me a cup of tea until I've recovered.
As with all your stories, lovely intricate work and I just love it.
| Ennui Enigma chapter 1 . 12/2/2012
Not my usual genre. I am delighted to have had a chance to read this though. You mention getting out of your comfort zone in writing this; I climbed out of my own in reading.
The tone and style of writing seems to match your main character quite well. A no-frills, gritty, conflicting, somewhat chaotic, but comfortable in his own skin type of wolf.
The relationship b/t Samus and Wolf was introduced in the beginning but became more apparent as to its depth as the story progressed. A wonderful culmination at the end.
I found your action scenes convincing. Your characters varied and interesting. The plot enough to keep my attention captured to the end.
The ending truly deserves all the praise and positive reviews others have given it. The open-ended nature of it gives room for Wolf's relationship to continue with Samus and evolve in the imagination of the reader.
Dark but with hope at the end.
Personally, I thought this was a nice piece to remember to have no regrets in our own lives. Sure, things happen, choices are made that might not have been the wisest; but, we can't reverse them - better to accept what's happened and continue to make the best of the present circumstances.
| Sierraoscar154 chapter 1 . 11/7/2012
This was kind of a long one, and it's a bit of a big one to chew but ultimately, I think the style and story you've put here was worth this long-form story. Anyway, I liked how you set up the story with Wolf taking on the mission, and then revealing that well, that didn't exactly go to plan. Good setup there. His commenting on the situation around him also added both description to the scene and personal feelings to his predicament, which I found to be insightful and kinda funny, at times.
The last part with all of the action was intense and again, well written. Overall, everything was very satisfying and while I'm not exactly up to speed on Wolf as a character in canon, I sure did enjoy his part in this story you have here. Good work.
| babymittn chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
Well, this was quite a delightful read. I loved it! It had that blunt yet preachy humor that's hard to find in most areas that I quite enjoy. This story was very well written, even the ending almost made me cry for some reason. Great story, just fantastic.
| IrishPanther chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
Seeing as this is an extremely long one-shot that kind of jumps around from place to place, I'm going to implement a part-by-part review!
Part I: dealing with the beginning up to Wolf's capture - I loved the conversation going on between Wolf and Jennifer, as well as the way you describe the situation at hand with Crimson, and kudos to explaining how each feels when they start a mission by themselves.
Part II: Wolf's capture up to meeting Crimson - Loved the description of what Wolf's captural demension looked like, as well as describing why he was there (pretty nice story with the drinking and the woman [Crimson]). Couldn't help but to chuckle while reading over Wolf's thoughts of his surroundings/the security rhinos.
Part III: Meeting Crimson up to before the conversation with DK - Once again, loved the dialogue you've written up here, now between Wolf and Crimson (with a but of Jules added in the mix), and hooray for DK showing up in this fic! XD
Part IV: Convo. with DK up to Wolf's story - Loved what you've done with DK, making him look like the badass that he normally portrays (well to me, he seems to portray it...), and things are heating up between the bounty hunters and Wolf with the story starting to begin!
Part V: Wolf's story up to 'Salvation. Holy Hell.' - Interesting story portrayed by Wolf, and I agree with his way of murdering is different from the bounty hunters' but they all are doing the same thing. I guarantee that DK goes apeshit (no pun intended) on Wolf during this fight!
Part VI: 'Salvation. Holy Hell.' up to 'Italicized "That b-word..." - Jennifer (now identified as Samus) to the rescue! :) That was a grueling fight between the two parties, and I'm hoping that Samus survives this battle! Lol at Wolf telling DK that he didn't lie about killing King Dedede (poor penguin... XD)
Part VII: 'Italicized "That b-word..." up to ending - Yay for Samus not being killed, but boo for them being captured! :( But like you stated, they will find each other again (just like Wolf can count on!). Really loved the description in this scene with Samus asking Wolf about him having no regrets; truly remarkable!
Overall, this was an amazing one-shot and I'm glad to have taken the time to dissect this whole thing rather than doing a paragraph summary! This was definitely a Wolf/Samus pairing in my books, and the ending totally proved it! :) I spotted no grammatical errors while reading, so excellent work proofreading! Once again, I loved reading this glorious one-shot! :)
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 1 . 9/26/2012
I'd like to start by saying that I'm not familiar with the fandom, but it didn't really matter all that much so whatever. :P
Heh. This is alternatively cute and bloody awesome. I'll admit, you had me worried there for a minute though. I was sort of thinking, "what, again?" But everything went better than expected!
No SPAG errors or anything of that sort, so there's that. If I had one complaint, it would be that, toward the beginning, the one transition in this story was rather jarring; it just sort of happened, and it took me rereading it a couple times to realize what had happened. If it were me, I think I'd have put some sort of separator in there, just to let the reader know that, "hey, we just changed scenes here." But other than that, good story. :)
| dancingqueensillystring chapter 1 . 9/21/2012
I really enjoyed this story. I was overall a bit confused on what happened because this is not a fandom I know anything at all about, but the characters were presented very interestingly and even though I didn't know them I still felt compelled to find out more and keep reading which is a difficult thing to accomplish for someone who doesn't know the fandom. I may have to check super smash brothers out, if all the fics are this good.
| Lays chapter 1 . 9/2/2012
From the stories I've seen you posted on this site, I'm surprised you don't write for the Crime genre more often. *Looks in the A/N* Ah well, you say it is outside your comfort zone. The grittiness definitely stood out and made the overall tone of the fic very convincing.
| Lilly Valens chapter 1 . 6/29/2012
Lengthy, but I definitely enjoyed it! Loved your characterizations and it definitely had an exciting, enjoyable plot I was able to get into, even though I lack thorough knowledge of this particular fandom.
I don't know what to say on the language thing myself. I've seen fics rated M for language when they had nothing more than "damn" in them so I think it really is in the eye of the beholder.
| darkin520 chapter 1 . 6/27/2012
Ah, I must admit, I've only read a tiny handful of Super Smash Brothers stories...really, only from Byoshi, Tune4Tunes, and maybe another one...and now yours. So, I'm really only slightly familiar with the fandom. And I've only played some of the video games included, but never playes Super Smash Brothers itself. So, I can't really say what's canon and what isn't. But, from the characters I do know and from what I've read, your characterizations are lovely. Your Wolf is very...outspoken, but in a good way. And his interactions with the others seem spot-on to what I've read. Because I know DK, he was my favorite in this. And the way he was treated by Wolf also seemed spot-on to what I've read. Also, Crimson as intriguing. I loved the whole legend. :)
My only criticism is your rating. I'm not really sure what's accepted in your fandom, but in my fandom, this would be an M-rated story because of the language. It didn't bother me because I am well over the age of a minor, but if there are any younguns' reading this in your fandom, the language might be a bit offensive. That's just my opinion, however.
The action in this story was amazing. Even though it was a longer one-shot, bit didn't seem like it because it read so fast. That is talent, let me tell you. And I thought your ending was just perfect. Overall, I enjoyed this. I think you've done a wonderful job, and although I'm not really a reader of your fandom, I'd be interested to read more of what you have. Thank you for this. :)
| Wendy Brune chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
A few general disclaimers: first, I'm not super familiar with the fandom, so take what I say with a grain of salt. My brother and I used to rent the N64 game, though incidentally, I usually was Pikachu and made him play a game where we wouldn't fight, just, like, live a life through the different stages. (Tangent, I know.) We then owned the gamecube version, which I've played through a few times. We never owned brawl, though, so anything that's really exclusive to that may be something I'm less familiar with. ANYWAY. Second, I tend to review as I read, especially with such a long piece. I'll probably tack more general statements to the beginning and end, but expect some specific comments in the middle. I can be rambling, so if you need any clarification, do let me know!
Your beginning scene was very strong for two main reasons. First, you did a really nice job describing just the right amount of things. For example, I loved your passage at the cafe they were sitting at - it was quirky and done so well that I could picture the place perfectly in my head. You didn't go overboard, knocking the reader upside the head with so many useless details that they couldn't focus, but I wasn't lost, either. I really enjoyed it. Second, you avoiding one of the major problems of fiction writing: you didn't start at the beginning. It's always important to start at the action and explain the rest later, and I think you did a really good job of getting us to the point instead of the typical, "I'm this, I do this, blah blah blah." Instead, we were already learning who our bad guy was going to be, and you threw in the background details along the way.
I really like your character's tone. It's casual and informal, but not in an out of place way. He uses slightly outdated phrases (like "screw the pooch"), but it really fits him well. It doesn't read like an immature writer, but rather like a well-developed character. It makes me like him.
"Yep, that about confirms my staggering intelligence."
I like this line for a few reasons. First, every time your character gets too cocky (and nearly unlikable for me), he always says something funny like this that shows a bit of self-deprecation. It keeps him grounded, and I don't feel bothered by his cowboy-swagger attitude. Plus this just made me laugh for variables I couldn't explain. XD
""You couldn't get him on the side of evil if you copied and pasted him there.""
Very clever line.
You write action really, really well. I was able to keep up with what was happening play by play, which I think is quite hard to do with the written word. My one critique here is that, honestly, I really do think this needs to be rated M, just based on language and some of the more graphic fight stuff. I'd hate to see such an awesome story be taken down for rating reasons, and the admins can be strict. Just for your consideration.
This is more of a formatting issue than anything else, but there feels like there needs to be some transitions/line breaks in places. For example, it's hard to go from the partners breaking apart to the dialogue "Well! Fuck me a-running." A visual break will help your readers transition better.
I really liked your ending - it was really fitting. I can't quite place my finger on one particular line, but there was just something about the way your expressed some really complex ideas. I also think that you added a lot of nice depth to Wolf at the very end. Sometimes he comes across as this super!hero with all the right quips and wit, but here at the end, we see the deeper side of him. I liked the bit about messing shit up - what a great way to sum up his character.
You did a lot of great things here: a very nice character arc, a strong and meaningful relationship, a suspenseful plot that kept me guessing. I'm so glad this was our SotW, and I hope it gets all the reviews it deserves!