Reviews for Target Acquired
BabyCharmander chapter 12 . 8/24/2012
AAAAAAAA holycrap. Lots of things to comment on here!

Once again, I have to say I love the way you write both Wheatley and Chell-especially Wheatley's dialogue and Chell's thoughts. Several parts in the first half of the chapter had me cracking up, like Chell's "rules," and Wheatley's commentary on the catwalks and floors.

I also love how these two are very gradually building a friendship again. It really shows, when they're both laughing and smiling about something, or when they both work out a plan-but at the same time, they still have the stuff in the past weighing them down. Poor... well, both of them, really. ...I think I completely melted from that scene toward the middle, where they're in the broken elevator, by the way. Probably my favorite scene in the chapter. And then there's that line about her wanting to remember the "new" Wheatley-just, really awesome.

And then this stuff with the Conduction Gel-man. The signs seem to be mixed with classic Portal humor (NanoPaste, pfff) and foreboding... Something about the "SEN mainframe" strikes me as kindof worrisome. And the gel itself-I caught the "fifty years" thing in Cave's dialogue, and it kindof made me jump. Hasn't it been...? (Oh, and speaking of Cave-his and Caroline's dialogue are spot-on.) Oh, and the emancipation grill... I swear I could feel the horror of losing all that stuff right along with her. D% Oh man. At least she has a portal gun now, but...

I wish I could help you more with the Conduction Gel stuff, but I dunno what else I can add to what I already told you via Tumblr... (Partly because I can't remember what-all I said. XD;)

But overall, I think this is probably the best chapter yet. Really awesome work.
Vi-Violence chapter 12 . 8/24/2012
Your Cave lines are great, I hope to see more soon.
Ratkinzluver33 chapter 12 . 8/23/2012
This is fantastic! I would have reviewed earlier, but I never knew exactly how to illustrate just how great this story really is.
One of the resoundingly astonishing factors in this chapter (and all the others) is how well you write the characters. I just can't believe how well you've got them down! I especially cannot wrap my head around the fact that this is your FIRST time writing Cave's dialogue. It sounds like you've been practicing for years!
In short, this story is quite simply bloody amazing!
quantumparadigm chapter 12 . 8/23/2012
You write Cave Johnson REALLY well. Actually, you write the whole Aperture Science really well. You've captured the feel of the Enrichment Center perfectly. I don't think a writer at Valve could do any better than what you've done here.

It's amazing. Seriously.

Chell and Wheatley's friendship is so earnest and tender, fraught a bit with fear that they might make the same mistakes, but learning to trust that maybe, just maybe they've learned from the past and that won't happen.

I love how utterly sorry Wheatley is. It broke my heart hearing him refer to himself as a monster, and I wanted to hug him right there alongside Chell.

I'll think on the conversion gel stuff and get back to, probably via tumblr! :) (ariaketech)

I love Cave Johnson.
EggplantWitch chapter 12 . 8/23/2012
Cave IS pretty damn fun to write. And to do the voice of. And listen to. And everything else associated with him. On another note, now Wheatley has said it, you've GOT to change the title of this to 'Target PROPER Acquired'. That made me giggle.

As for Conduction Gel, I dunno. I heard rumours that there was going to be a fourth kind of gel that let you walk on the walls and the ceiling but they took it out because it confused players too much. Maybe you could incorporate that somethow. Not too sure what else it could do, but mostly because it's almost 1am and I've spent the past half-hour reading this. Best half-hour of today I'm going to spend, take it from me. The time is also why I'm less articulate than normal, probably. So if I sound drunk that's why.

Lastly, Chell and Wheatley are finally starting to behave how I think they should. Maybe it's because my ideas are more happy-ish or maybe it's because I'm getting used to you, I don't know. Possibly both. Example: After Wheatley's confession I thought Chell should at least give him some kind of small hug, which she did! And it was adorable. Overall this chapter was well worth the wait, especially because it was like 80000000 words long. To be honest I couldn't care less how long your chapters are so long as they keep coming. Bring on Chapter 13!
Vi-Violence chapter 11 . 8/12/2012
Nice, this is looking really good, please update soon!
EggplantWitch chapter 11 . 8/4/2012
Wow, that's a bit of a cliffie. Test Shaft Ten, DUN DUN DUNNN.

To be honest, I'm just as surprised as Chell that they made it this far. I thought that something else would intrude in the narrative, which is what I thought Orion was. But alas, Orion seems to be that mother bird from the co-op DLC instead of one of GLaDOS's killing machines. He/she will always be remember for his/her sacrifice *salute*

The more mention of humans you put in, the more I start to wonder if this is one of those stories where Wheatley used to be human. I'm guessing it isn't, because you enjoy your original ideas a lot, but I've always kind of liked those stories for the tragedy they can inspire when done properly. And if anyone could pull THAT off it would be you. ANYWAY that's it for this sharing of opinions ('cause it isn't really a review, is it?). As always, looking forward immensely to Chapter 12!
BabyCharmander chapter 11 . 8/4/2012
Sorry for not reviewing last night-I nearly fell dead asleep at my computer. _

But WOW this chapter was exciting! I was so excited to see Blue and Orange in this fic, and you wrote them so well! And the whole scene at the end-I was on the edge of my seat and basically yelled out "OHMYGOSH" at the last line. Aw man, that's some cliffhanger...

Wow though, Valve Corporation...? I'm guessing it's different from the Valve we know. XD Now I'm wondering how that's gonna play into the plot. aaaa I am excited for the next chapter!
BabyCharmander chapter 10 . 7/29/2012
...Oh wow, I wasn't expecting that! Orion was a surprise, but I like him! And I loved Wheatley's reaction to him. The way you write Wheatley is awesome. And then the whole end of the chapter there... XDXD That was hilarious.

Also holy crap I had totally forgotten about the anti-Heimlich maneuver and the take-a-wish stuff. As soon as I realized what it was I was like "WOAH." Also if that was actually Chell as one of the kids, then... o_o Wow! And now I'm wondering what the fourth one is...

Oh, and I liked the analogy of Doug Rattman as a history teacher to Chell. %D That was cool. Overall, really nice chapter.
3 chapter 10 . 7/29/2012
YAY!
EggplantWitch chapter 10 . 7/29/2012
To begin with I was sceptical (for whatever reason, I really don't know) but I've taken it aaaaaall back. If anything, this is one of the best chapters yet. I wasn't expecting much backstory at all to be included in this, but the sudden introduction of a Rattmann den has definitely captivated me even MORE, if such a thing was possible. I especially adore the way you touched upon the Take A Wish foundation. It was such a small, throwaway line, I never in a million years expected it to be used in the way you have. Applause, please.

I also like the introduction of Orion. I definitely don't TRUST him, because for all I know he could be one of Her little 'killing machines' gained in that one bit of DLC, but whichever way you go with him will be interesting. Perhaps Wheatley will stop being so ornithophobic, who knows? Well, obviously YOU know but...yeah I'll just shut up now.

ANYWAY, a job well done. I have no idea how long the gap between this one and the last one was because I read so many different fics I have no idea what's coming or going, but I'm sure it was well worth the wait twice over.
3 chapter 9 . 7/29/2012
I love every little bit of this story and I can't wait for chapter ten.
Eyriegryph chapter 9 . 7/14/2012
THIS IS GREAT STILL I JUST REREAD IT AGAIN AND AHHHH

i love this story so much 3 Thanks for writing it.
BabyCharmander chapter 9 . 7/12/2012
The whole thing with the sunlight made me happy-the whole beginning of this chapter, really. For some reason I feel really glad for Chell that she finally got food, rest, water, and sunlight. (I was a tiny bit confused, though, at the mention that all her potatoes were gone. I thought she'd only eaten one, but maybe I'm remembering wrong.)

Chell wanting to shove the plant in Wheatley's face and then wanting to punch him at the end of the chapter made me laugh. I can hardly blame her. XD

Oh, one thing I noticed is that sometimes you separate the subject and verb of the sentence with a comma. Don't wanna do that. But otherwise, I didn't catch anything off in terms of grammar that I can remember, and no spaces or punctuation or dialogue being eaten, so hooray!

Now I'm wondering where they landed... Old Aperture?
Nonny chapter 8 . 7/11/2012
I love this story! Your portrayal of Wheatley and Chell has to be my favorite too. Keep up the great work!
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