|Reviews for Target Acquired
| reverse-mermaid chapter 4 . 6/4/2012
So I finally got around to reading this!
First up, a question: Am I right in assuming that this is a rewrite of Hell on Earth? (is that what it was called? I can't remember, I'm sorry!) I ask because I recognize a lot of the themes; in particular Doug on the outside and the King Turret.
If that's the case (if its not then that's embarrassing since I'm writing about it in relation to that, and in which case ignore this paragraph), then DANG, because this certainly is one hell of a rewrite and you are doing it well. From what I remember of the original fic, this is a vast improvement - you can definitely see the work that's been put in and you're weaving in your plot points really effectively.
I am digging this incarnation of Wheatley. He's such a dick and he doesn't even realize. You've given him this great ego; a real self righteousness and sense of injured pride. He's got an excuse for everything, and you get the sense that his apology comes at least partially from some etiquette protocol telling him that that's what you say when you exploit someone and attempt to murder them. The sincerity of it is questionable at best, yet he still manages to take offence when Chell is wary of him. He's extremely good at inflating his own importance and it'll be interesting to see where that goes.
Your Chell is badass(naturally) and also a little snarky, which I like to see in her sometimes. I like that you haven't left out the effects of hunger or cryo or past injuries - girlfriend is not in the best shape and a lot of writers tend to gloss over that fact or make her a super trooper. I'm okay with both these things, but it's nice to see her humanized so thoroughly. Someone just give that kid a potato already.
The fact that they're navigating without a portal gun (which I honestly did not actively think about until quantumparadigm mentioned it - thanks dude!) adds an extra layer of difficulty and urgency to already bleak odds. As a writer, you've certainly not shied away from doing things the hard way, so kudos for that.
Looking forward to reading more and seeing where you take this baby. :)
| quantumparadigm chapter 4 . 5/30/2012
As usual, spot on characters :) Loving the story so far! The fact that I know you have tons of it written (and in the process of being rewritten) does nothing for my patience, haha :)
And holy crap, I cannot even begin to imagine navigating the Enrichment Center without a Portal gun. Isn't that illegal or something? Might as well tape a piece of paper to your chest that says, 'go ahead and kill me.'
| quantumparadigm chapter 3 . 5/4/2012
I know I told you this already, but "If I wanted to kill you, you wouldn't be living anymore," is probably the single best quote in this whole chapter. You've perfectly nailed the characters in this story. GLaDOS's thinly veiled threats punctuated with insults about Chell's appearance are perfectly executed.
I really want to know what's wrong with Chell. Aside from the fact that cryosleep has terrible side-effects, I'm not entirely discounting the idea that it has something to do with the injuries she sustained before GLaDOS put her into cryosleep in the first place.
It's simply amazing how well you write a mute character. :)
Now, time to find out how Wheatley plans to help Chell escape the facility! Provided he can pull it off, haha.
| quantumparadigm chapter 2 . 5/4/2012
I have to say that right now, GLaDOS is my favorite character in this story. Her internal musings are perfectly spot on from the way she analyzes her reasons for not killing to Chell to what she thinks about Chell.
Did I mention that I loved Blue and Orange, too? 'Cause they're terrific, and the way GLaDOS reacts to their displays is vastly amusing. Makes me want to go play some more Portal co-op and do high-fives just so I can actually hear her sigh at me.
| Wolverinejoe chapter 1 . 4/23/2012
That was truly amazing. You really need to continue this.
| quantumparadigm chapter 1 . 4/19/2012
Terrific rendition of the final events of the game. Can't wait to read the rest of the story! :)
| Arvata chapter 1 . 4/17/2012
You write beautifully. This is so intriguing, the way you shed light on the final confrontation! I'm definitely following this!