|Reviews for The Fate of Demons|
| Aservis Roturier chapter 22 . 11/25/2017
Exciting, touching, filled with grief and joy, horror and transcendence, rage and- great gorgons, is there an emotion you *didn't* make the reader feel in this thing? By now, I am certainly and seriously hoping you're entertaining the idea of doing this professionally if not already deeply engaged in a satisfying career of doing this to support yourself because you're certainly more than capable
I do agree, The last chapter *is* rushed. You are clearly the sort of writer who excels in generating plot and writing action scenes but is a bit weaker when it comes to the more introspective chapters. All stories are, of necessity, a blend of action sequences, separated by more introspective parts when both the characters an the readers take time to recouperate and review whaat's hppened tto them in the action sequences, theyneed time t decide ho they feel aboutt it aall, about the changing relatinships between the chracters, their evvolving feelings and wat they hope will come next. Such chaapters give you a chance to plant the seeds of future action and future emotions, creatng anticipation for the more emotional confrontations-or climaxes
Your story feels just a bit rushed because you have failed to deliver the promise you made when you introduced your OC. . SStories containing ocs are nearly always romance sttories at heart-in fact I've only ever read one that I remember which wasn't, by MitziMartyn, another author on this site who wrote a very clever string of mysteries where her OC was an Irishman who gets hired on as a driver/stable hand at the Phantomhive estate, and he has an eye for detail and a flare for solving mysteries. Great series, you should check them out-but I digress. Generally an OC tale, especially when it features a protagonist of the opposite sex to the character you select as your co-protagonist, t is implied the two will get together, solve whatever problems have been featured in your story, and have a happy ending. yoour tale resolved most of their problems, but then shied awaay from two emotional convertsations youu should have given the readerr. The minor (but to me,the more intriguing) one is between Ciel and your Rose. The major one should have been between Rose and Sebastian.
I felt you sor of gave that a'lick and a promise' when you put 'I love you' in both their mouths, but tell the truth, you felt youwere cheating as you wrote that, didn't you?
both main characters, especially Sebastian, are deeply, *deeply* indoctrinaed against saying something like that. But there are so mny more satisfying wys yo coud have theem confess their feelings: fond looks, tende touches, admssiooons of gguilt, denials of sme, ministerring to each other-Sebasian is going to take forever to get over that skewering, so we the readers expect to be treated to one of our favourte, but hardly ever seen treats: the beat up and/or weakened Sebastian. Because it's so rare, we crave it like chocolate in a cocoa-less land.
Now I'd like to think by now, since you're still writing, you've addressed this weakness in your writer's tool kit and can do introspecttive chapters, slow, thoughtfful exploration of emotions and the significance of past actions and new relationships. But if not, perhaps you could consider teaming up with a writer who excells in setting scenes and writing dialog which explores emotions etc.. What do you think?
At any rate, I would strongly encourage you (mostly because I'd LOVE to read it and I'm sure I'm not the only one,) a greatly expanded chapter 21 epilogue, containing a frank chat between Ciel and Rose, and then later, after the boy's buggered off for something or other, an extended scene between Sebastian and Rose...
This is definitely going in my favourite folder and I'm recommending it to everyone and I hope you consider writing more for Kurohitsuji in future!
| Novika chapter 22 . 2/23/2013
WOOOOWWW this is the best fic i ever read, i swear :)V
I love the ending, so sweet x"3
The conflict and the OC is very cute character and very compatible with Sebastian
Very very very love this fic, and by the way sorry im not review every chapter and just review the last chapter, gomen ne ;_;
How could i recently know this fic :(
This is very masterpiece x")
Keep writing and make another masterpiece fic :)
| Dontgotaclue88 chapter 22 . 10/30/2012
| pammazola chapter 22 . 10/30/2012
ah, I really enjoyed this story. The writing was fantastic.
| Dontgotaclue88 chapter 21 . 10/29/2012
Oh I hate you Dragus! I'm surprised at myself for saying so. LOL Hope Rose can save him. ,
| Dontgotaclue88 chapter 20 . 10/23/2012
Wow hope she snaps out of it. And hope Sebby can make things right again. :( lol soooo looking forward to some whoop ass fighting! :)
| MiuHatake chapter 18 . 10/18/2012
| Dontgotaclue88 chapter 19 . 10/13/2012
Well seems she has lost it. o.0 Well hope Sebby can bring her in the right mind again. ,
| Dontgotaclue88 chapter 18 . 10/2/2012
Finally! Sebby admits his feelings! . So happy about that. Loved this chap and looking forward to more.
| Dontgotaclue88 chapter 17 . 9/27/2012
No! Dont give in Rose! Man I soooo hate Dragus! Hope he dies...Painfully. *pouts*
| KuraiNezumichan chapter 17 . 9/27/2012
Omygawd! Sebastian is pissing me off at the moment -_- but wow... I can understand why you would like dragus because of his personality and what he's doing. It's kinda sexy but wtf is Sebastian! Agh when they are reunited she should definitely be the one to whip him ;) update soon
| Dontgotaclue88 chapter 16 . 9/21/2012
Well shit I really don't like this guy. Sebby is sooo going to be pissed. , Can't wait!
| Dontgotaclue88 chapter 15 . 9/20/2012
That bastard! Oh I hope he has a very painful and horrifying death for what he has done to Rose. Um... well sorry got very emotional about this chapter. Hate the fact that anyone would be put in that situation. Love when you review and looking forward to Rose getting away from Dragus. ,
| KuraiNezumichan chapter 15 . 9/18/2012
Disgusting jackass... If I was in that position I would've just wanted to fail...-_- and Shame on Sebastian for not being there for her ! :( sad. Wonder if Sebastian will find out or mayb look into her memories as a form of pain?(lol just a small idea) update soon! X)
| Dontgotaclue88 chapter 14 . 9/13/2012
Well crap Rose got kidnapperd lol I already hate this Dragus demon. . Looking forward to Sebby's reaction in the next chap.