|Reviews for On My Radar|
| CharitinaX chapter 11 . 5/13
Ahh fuck, I would give a kidney for this story to be updated again.
| luvparadox chapter 11 . 5/2
so hi i really enjoyed your story! the plot is amazing and i really like Minister! Voldemort and how he was so attracted withHarry and even the bitch mother of Harry's (serves her right!) and how Voldemort got his clues about the potion. thank u for being a part of this fandom! i hioe to hear from this story soon even though its been um 4 yrs. pls continue!
| Guest chapter 11 . 4/16
oooooh I wish this could have continued... not even a kiss lol.
| SaiyaCat chapter 11 . 2/6
That was Wicked.
| SaiyaCat chapter 2 . 2/6
| Liliah Dark chapter 6 . 1/24
Lol but if tom was completely gay would that mean the potion wouldn't work as he isn't attracted to females in the first place.
| Enishi-Haru chapter 11 . 1/13
Great story, I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Please don't abandon
| Carottal chapter 11 . 12/20/2016
So first, "N'est-elle pas stupéfiante ? On dirait des flammes."
According to your translation, seems to me it in isn't it stunning referred to Ginny's hair. In which case, "Ne sont-ils pas stupéfiants ? On dirait des vrais."
And stunning as I guess you meant it, meant incredibly beautiful. So beautiful you're stunned. "Stupéfiant", if it does express wonder, tends to underline the surprise more than the beauty.
So I'd say "Ne sont-ils pas éblouissants ?" but stupéfiants still works.
Now that's done, let's talk about the story. I read the chapters with pleasure but I'm not frustrated not to be able to read more at this point. I certainly wouldn't mind reading more, it was a nice read. But I'm not hooked per say. Maybe a few more chapters would have made me more on the edge as I would have understood the stakes of that machination they just started unravelling better? One thing I think though, that would have made me more hooked with the story is that you could make us wait a little bit for the answer to the question you make us have. For instance, the trial would have been more suspenseful if we hadn't known before what the potion was and how Elise got it. Or, if you wanted us to know what Tom was on the verge of drinking, then make it so that we don't see Tom's thoughts as he recognises something is wrong with the drink. Show Harry instead, or another guest at the table, wondering what just happened, mentioning people drinking and noticing some strange elation on Elise's face. Then the aurors are called. And Elise's joy falter. What I mean is that you don't have to show us everything through the one who controls the situation. I also would have liked to see more how Harry overcame his initial thoughts on love. For one who wants to avoid it at all costs, seems to me his relationship with Tom and his commitment to it progressed too fast, or at least was accepted by him too fast. He doesn't seems to second guess things. I find it surprising from a boy who is self-conscious and doesn't want to risk falling in love.
Anyway, apart from that, the story was a lot of fun. I had a blast with the French parts, as you may have noticed, and I liked how you reshuffled the relationships and history of the adults generation. I enjoyed the flirting, the joker, some descriptions too (first among them, the ministry hall during the Halloween party).
And I absolutely loved Orion. I wish we could have seen more of him because I found him extremely interesting. I loved that he is this extremely conservative and cunning man, but shares the same mischief side as his son. Narrow minded people are not awful people. They can be generous, helpful, fun,... as long as you don't fall into the wrong category. That's what makes their narrow mindedness all the sadder after all. What should I care if that stupid, awful arse hole is narrow-minded? I wouldn't like talking with them even if they were open-minded. But when my sweet, caring, loving grandma starts having nearly xenophobic speeches, that's when narrow-mindedness makes me afraid.
Anyway, thank you for the story :)
| Carottal chapter 9 . 12/20/2016
Oh God that star gazing scene was... A bit out of nowhere actually. Showed greatly how desperate Harry was to distract himself! Because else... Don't you first try to know if the other knows constellations before asking? Way to go Harry!
The French corrector has another correction for you :
Vous me torturer si doucement...
First, seems to me Harry would use "Tu" and not "Vous" when he thinks this sentence, as he used Tu When actually talking to Tom. If he feels confident enough to address Tom so familiarly, then I think he'd do the same while thinking. Short explanation if you don't understand the difference between "Vous" and "Tu" in French.
Both pronouns can mean you. If you is used for more than one person, then the translation is automatically Vous.
However, when dealing with one person, it all depends with the status they have. Basically, if you don't know them well, they're older or are superior in hierarchy, you'll use Vous. It is a sign of respect (just like the Spanish "usted", or the Chinese "Nin").
But, if you're familiar with them. If they are you are considered equals, or close, you'll use Tu. It is a sign of closeness. For instance, in a very strict family, you'd use Vous when talking to your father (same as you'd never call him dad or papa in English, only father). However, I use Tu when talking to my dad.
With Tom, Harry could use Tu or Vous. Depends on how he considers his relation with Tom to be (it took me about 8 years to start using Tu with my piano teacher. And then, it was so awkward for me that I became an expert at avoiding using you in sentences when addressing her.). Tom is older, he is a minister, and because of that, Harry would likely use Vous in an official setting. However, during a rendezvous, when they are romancing each others, using Vous would create an unneeded and awkward distance.
Whatever you think about it, if you want to use Vous in that thought, you need to conjugate the verb right. It's "torturez", not "torturer".
With Tu, it becomes "Tu me tortures si doucement..."
Still, it's not yet fluent French. Why? Because translating sweetly is tough. "doucement" means slowly more than sweetly. Though doucement comes from doux, which means sweet.
You could say instead:
"Quelle douce torture tu me fais subir..." (such a sweet torture you put me through)
"Tu me tortures de façon si douce..." (you torture me in such a sweet way)
"Tu me tortures si délicieusement..." (you torture me so delightfully/ you torture me so deliciously)
If you want my opinion, the first one seems the more natural to me.
| Carottal chapter 8 . 12/20/2016
One question came to me during this chapter: do you like wine? I don't know why but Elise's full name made me think of wine bottles.
| Carottal chapter 6 . 12/20/2016
French radar again!
If the translation for whore is right, problem is that "putain" can have many meanings, its use is quite similar to "fuck" in English. When I read it in the text, I didn't know if I should understand it as Fuck or Whore. Not necessarily a bad thing, but if you ever want to erase the risk of misunderstanding, I find "Pute" or "Salope" more specific... Or "Catin". (problem with pute (or pétasse, or salope) is that it's more like bitch than whore. Catin is less used but it makes it way more violent, contrary to Pute (and same as Putain), you won't see many person using it with friends. You use it to hurt, and that's all. But well, it all depends on how violent and clear you want that word to be.
(I find it quite fun to comment on the best way to translate curse words. It's so specific to languages... There's this awesome French play in which a character explains that English is easy. You only need to know one word: "bloody" and make the appropriate gesture to make yourself understood. I can't remember when it was written, centuries ago I believe, but I often wonder if the bloody of them is the fuck of now. Or if our merde or putain is an equivalent to it. And I've spent way too much time on a single word, have I not?)
"Pompeux vieil homme" That didn't feel right. I would at least change the word order. "Vieil homme pompeux". But even then it doesn't feel that natural. Maybe "Vieux prétentieux" (pretentious old man)? Again, pompeux has many meanings, though I think it is the same with pompous (does it can also mean: boring, pretentious or grandiose?) cause using prétentieux makes you lose some aspects of the insult. That being said, "vieux pompeux" doesn't feel right at all, as using prétentieux as a name is more common than using pompeux as one. Hum... This is difficult. Well, I want to read the next chapter, and I'm not even sure if you'll get to read my reviews so... If you're interested in looking further into possible translations, feel free to send me a pm :)
| Carottal chapter 3 . 12/20/2016
Aww, I love what you did with Mrs Weasley. It's a bit heartbreaking when you think about it that such simple sentence would hold so much meaning to Harry. Shows how much of a mother Elise was and is to him.
| Carottal chapter 1 . 12/20/2016
A bit late I guess but my French radar can't prevent myself from commenting French translations.
I'm actually impressed by Google's translation, it is good! At least for this chapter. Only mistake is : "une perte de temps" not "un perte de temps" a e is missing. If not for that mistake, I could have believed you were Canadian or French!
That's all I have to say for now. The story looks fun though uncompleted. I hope I will not be too frustrated when I get to the end '
| Shadoween chapter 11 . 10/10/2016
Awesome story , can't wait for more
| TMarvoloRiddle1944 chapter 11 . 10/2/2016
So sad you stopped this. It was a very very good story! So original. You had something special goin here :/