|Reviews for Ilúvatar|
| TortoisetheStoryteller chapter 1 . 7/10/2015
I love this. I agree, it is very reminiscent of Creation.
| Peregrin Took the Falcon chapter 1 . 5/10/2015
That's an awful lot of pain to be dealing with *shudders in sympathy for Turin and Nienor* but great poem!
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/20/2013
Stanza 1, shouldn't line 3 be flipped around to suit the meter and rhyme?
Excellent poems as always
- Valandil of Nargothrond
| Sauron Gorthaur chapter 1 . 5/27/2013
I continue to forge ahead through your poems, hoping someday that I will be able to catch up with you :) The fact that you can churn out so many of these AND make each one fabulous is truly astounding. I have yet to read a poem by you that sounds forced or mediocre. I continue to love reading your lovely form verses.
What I have said in the majority of my other reviews goes for this poem – lovely, flowing rhymes that don’t feel forced, musical meter, alliteration (my favorite in this one was “face a flame”), and internal rhymes, consonance, and assonance. Pretty much I could go through line by line and describe all the wonderful poetic devices that appear throughout the poem, but I shall spare you that :) Instead, suffice it to say, that you obviously know what you are doing.
I do want to comment on the story content, however. I fear with form poetry such as yours, I often get wrapped up in the technical details and I neglect the larger pictures, themes, and story of the poem. I like how the themes of music and light, so appropriate for a poem about Iluvatar, pop up throughout the poem, and I love the ethereal, vague, but beautiful images you give us of Iluvatar – the flaming face, the bright eyes, etc. You comment that you know Eru is not the Christian God – that is true, but since Tolkien was a Christian, something that is reflected through all his books, I think it is safe to say that Tolkien imbued Eru with qualities of our God. And Eru is the God of Arda within the story, so I don’t think it inappropriate to associate the Christian God and Eru. And there are many aspects of Eru in this poem, as well as in The Silmarillion, that remind me of our God. The Christian God is often associated with a flaming face, and while He is a spirit, mysteriously vague like the glimpses of imagery about Eru that you give us, He is often personified, as you do here, as well with concrete images like that of his hand writing the Song or his bright eyes. I also liked the line about his “endless mind” – I thought that did a lovely job of showing the vastness, the eternal nature, of Eru and God.
I loved the third-to-last line about the chords and great Refrain. It was a beautifully crafted line, but I love the idea of the Song continuing on. It reminded me of the fact that everything around us, the birds singing in the trees, the wind blowing, the rain falling, all points toward an awesome Creator. For those who open their eyes to the glory of the world around them, the Song is still going, proof indeed that there is a Creator and a God out there.
My favorite stanza, however, was the second one. First, on a technical note, I love how that stanza flows. The fact that it’s a single sentence makes the flow work really well and imbeds the rhymes within the sentence to make a pleasing music. But technicalities aside, I thought it was a great image. Of course, being a writer makes it touch especially close to home, and I love the image of Eru or God with a quill in his “shining fingers.”
And now I will offer what constructive criticism I can, though, as usual, I see little that I would want changed. But a few things for you to consider... You use the word “burning” and “burned” numerous times throughout the poem, particularly in the first half. While the use of repetition can be used for emphasis, your use of this word comes across more as you lacking another word to use, or that you just like that particular word. For this poem, I feel the repetition of the theme of light is more important than the repetition of this particular word – in other words, I suggest you vary the vocabulary in this case, still sticking to the idea of fire and light, but using a wider range of images. I would keep the “burning” in the fourth line, as the alliteration with “bright” is nice (although the phrase “burning bright” is a tad cliché in poetry), but I would use a different word to replace the “burning” Song and the Flame that “burned” in the Ainur’s eyes. You might also want to consider using a different adjective for the second time you say “bright” in the third stanza, since you’ve already used that once. In poetry particularly, where every words counts even more than in prose, avoiding word repetition (unless you are using it specifically as a poetic device), is generally recommended. As I said above, I feel in this poem that theme repetition is more important than actual word repetition. There are a lot of words in the English vocabulary for light, brightness, and things associated with it. Take advantage of that. Don’t be afraid to scour your thesaurus. Make the vocabulary of the poem itself shine.
And lastly, I have, not exactly criticism really, but a question. I noticed that the very first stanza of the poem has a different rhyme scheme than the rest. Why is that? Changes in rhyme scheme do bring attention to the stanza that is different. However, usually if a poet has a stanza with a different rhyme scheme within a poem, they don’t put that one first. The reason is because the first stanza is going to establish the poem’s rhyme scheme for the reader. When I started the poem, I expected to read a poem with an abbb rhyme scheme, which I actually liked and thought was cool, since it’s different for you. But then, I was surprised to discover that the remainder of the poem was written in an abab rhyme scheme. Was the surprise factor what you were going for? There’s nothing wrong with how you’ve written it, but with something like that, it’s generally good if you have a real reason for why you did it, rather than it being arbitrary.
All around, another beautiful form poem, but then, I am not surprised, since you have a real talent for this stuff. And I loved seeing the Christian themes and imagery in this particular poem. Thank you for sharing. And though I doubt I need to say it to you…keep on writing!
| LornaWinters chapter 1 . 1/7/2013
I LOVED this! The story of the creation of Arda is one of the stories that I remember the best from the Silmarillion-and yes, it reminds me of Genesis, too! This was great! I don't think it's weird at all.
| The M.H.T.of R chapter 1 . 5/23/2012
Well technically, in Tolkien's world (so far as I can tell), Eru represents God.
That was pretty god. The cadence needs a bit of work, but it was still good.
| Mornen chapter 1 . 4/18/2012
That was very dramatic, RandomCelt, the non-Tolkien (awesome idea!) I loved how you wrote so much about burning flames and fire; it was very good imagery.
And after all the drama and almost fight of the rest of the poem, the ending stanza was just beautiful. It was very touching, and made Eru seem not so removed from everyone, and I do not believe that he was supposed to be.
| Mirach chapter 1 . 4/18/2012