|Reviews for Heavensent and Hellbent: Heroes of Humanity|
| Akz251 chapter 1 . 8/8/2013
Really interesting idea here, I'm definitely interested to see how this story goes.
One thing i noticed is that the year is supposed to be 2535 and since most the spartan II were born around 2511 or so that would make them in their twenties, so I don't really see how they can be teens and such.
Keep up the great work, can't wait to see how this story goes.
| The Shadow Gryphon chapter 2 . 7/20/2013
Hmmm...Well, it looks good So far. Wonder what Will happen next.
| Dejae chapter 2 . 7/17/2013
So far, so good! Looking forward to your next chapter.
| Sanokal chapter 2 . 7/17/2013
One thing I guess I should mention - I'm rarely a fan of AU.
This is one of those rare times, mainly because I'm interested to see where this story will end up going. Will there be Halo? Will there be Flood? Will there be Prometheans?
Although I'll admit that I nearly started swearing when I saw Silva's name.
| Koriat Cyredanthem chapter 2 . 6/28/2013
This was an interesting chapter! I can't wait for more on all three levels of this story. I hope they cross at some point, maybe? Heehee.
The piece about Thel was regrettably short, but it was a nice piece nonetheless. He comes across as very formal and stiff, which would make sense as a young soldier promoted to places above his usual expectations.
I enjoyed the discussion between the ten Spartans before John and Kelly arrived, and enjoyed how you made it more clear exactly WHY ONI had decided to revert on the emotional/social conditioning the Spartan IIs went through. It makes sense, which is always a good thing in an AU story. I also thoroughly enjoyed the argument between John and Kelly, and how Kelly reverts to name-calling when John confronts her. The tension between the two is delicious and I can't wait for more.
Your longest section about the Helljumpers was very well done, I thought. Not only were the inter-team dynamics displayed with excellent pace, but your descriptions of the action scenes were also incredible. It's rare than an author has a talent for pacing pre-action scenes correctly (I know I don't) and describing action scenes with enough realism that I could see Capulti attack that first Elite.
| Koriat Cyredanthem chapter 1 . 6/27/2013
First review! I love the set-up here, but I was very distracted throughout the piece by your use of alliteration. It was very annoying to find it especially in dialogue, when characters don't talk like that - when was the last time you heard someone say "strived, sacrificed, and slaved to build. These beings are belligerent, blunt, and bold"? Also, the constant use of three words to describe someone's tone/stance/eyes/etc is repetitious and ruins the flow of the story. I had to double-back a few times to make sure I was reading a description in the right frame of mind because you chose to use a word that started with the letter you wanted instead of one that, at least to me, would have matched more closely the other one(s) you used.
As an example:
"Fred aptly apologized for Will's rude remark. Kelly smiled half-heartedly at Fred. He was likable."
would be much easier to read as:
"Fred apologized for Will's rude remark with skill; he was likable. Kelly smiled carefully at the taller/shorter boy."
Then you show something of Kelly's thought process and gives the reader a glimpse into her mind. And I used "carefully" instead of "half-heartedly" because I've always associated a negative, sad connotation with "half-heartedly" and a more Kelly-like caution with "carefully," since she is wary of the eight teenagers. My rephrase also breaks up the choppiness; you have a lot of short sentences, and while that is preferable to my ramblers, you could stand to liven a few of them up with semi-colons or at least combining then with an conjunction.
One final critique: I noticed this especially in the section about Thel, but the extravagant use of bolded, italic, AND quote-bracketed words is slightly annoying. Take this, for example: ""Thel 'Vadamee, 'The Prophets,' will see you now." Tartarus spoke solemnly." Not only is there another example of alliteration here (it reads awkwardly), but the Covenant never referred to the Prophets as something that required quotes or special italics. It's a race of beings. I would have rewritten this sentence as: ""Thel 'Vadamee, the Prophets (or, better yet, San Shyuum) will see you now," Tartarus rumbled solemnly." Note the lack of the comma after "the Prophets," too - there shouldn't have been a comma there.
I hope this helps you improve as a writer! I loved the addition of Michael Keyes as an OC, and I can't wait to see the interaction between Kelly and John evolve. I'm intrigued by Fred's remarks about how those two (John and Kelly) have no idea what is really going on, and it makes me wonder just how charismatic a non-Spartanized John could have been when reading the interaction between him and the first girl.
Excellent beginning, overall. I will move on to chapter 2 in the morning!
| Red X17 chapter 2 . 6/4/2013
| NobodyEpic chapter 2 . 6/4/2013
I literally thought you died man! You had me worried! I though this was givin up on and I got really sad :( now its back and I'm freakin excited :D update soon and have a fantastic day :P
| godospartan the Kitsune chapter 2 . 6/4/2013
ok then, can't wait to see how shit goes down forthe arbiter... whether he is the arbiter now or not. and romeo better learn to keep his mouth shut to a lady officer.
| KmJ170 chapter 2 . 6/4/2013
I must make a confession here. I stopped following this a long time ago, not because it didn't have promise, but because you didn't update. Now. WELL.
Nice. Although I doubt anyone reads the before-chapter messages. I don't. They're too long.
I love your AU, I kinda like the school AU. I don't exactly understand the background AU, although it is fun to come up with theories. But I'll leave that to you.
| godospartan the Kitsune chapter 1 . 2/21/2013
alright?... high school setting for the Spartans, to the, later becoming Arbiter, on a mission against heretics, to ODST dropping with a young kid leader of an ODST.
Nice tough, for Dutch and Romeo, and Johnson's still the badass i remember him as so you're doing well on them, it's a good intro to the story, and it's got some major potential i would say...
also, please, don't make games impossible, it's less fun. besides, i doubt the first halo is THAT hard on Legendary. i will soon find out, but not today
| AFewBricksShortOFALoad chapter 1 . 1/6/2013
Ok, this story is great. I really like your depiction of the Spartans and how they are percieved. However, could you clarify who is a spartan at the high school? It was somewhat confusing. Otherwise, great story.
| Red X17 chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
This was well written with great detail!:)
Kinda long though...
| XxTsukiAkari chapter 1 . 11/13/2012
Very interesting. A strange opposite from the original books yet I couldn't help but find it charming. All characters gave off the familiar vibe from the original and the Tom/Lucy part(s) never failed to bring a smile on my face. John and Kelly's frustration made me involuntarily giggle with joy as they built up to being at each other's throats, it was quite charming.
I eagerly wait for another chapter!
| KmJ170 chapter 1 . 11/10/2012
Very interesting. Nice Spartan/Civilian exchanges, nice OC. Is this going to be a one-off or continued? This could get good.