|Reviews for Wicked Game|
| Assasin Nero chapter 5 . 1/3
| Assasin Nero chapter 4 . 1/3
nice chapter :)
| Assasin Nero chapter 3 . 1/3
hm.. so she gets the letter..
a small thing.. you cant write skipping as a description of a man's movements.. it seems a little odd.
| Assasin Nero chapter 2 . 1/3
some words like away should be a way.. you have done some mistakes in spacing, and punctuations,but nice story so far :)
| Assasin Nero chapter 1 . 1/3
there are some problems I encountered.
*first is that the first chapter is not much you talked about an oc, and a mydterious ability...
*formatting:You should always write dialogues of different people in different paras.
*descriptions: Some of them were... strange, or atleast ones I have never heard.. like 'burnished by the porch light like chestnuts.'
but I still dont know why there are so few rev.s...
| Mu-Nition chapter 33 . 11/27/2014
First off, congratulations on completing a story of this breadth. While there is the odd formatting and the occasional grammar/spelling mistakes, this was a very good effort overall. There are some points you missed or could have done better, but that doesn't take away from the fact that you wrote a story long enough to fill a book and it was obviously a work with a lot of love going into it.
Also, FYI: "Gypsy" was originally a shortened/derogatory version of "Egyptian". Technically, their magical history goes back thousands of years, and is a meld of cultures. You might want to expand that a bit .
| Mu-Nition chapter 11 . 11/27/2014
God, Sirius Black is so cringeworthy here. He has no redeeming features, and is defined by arrogance and possessiveness. Mina may be a "go with the flow" type person when in extreme situations, but his actions are very rapey.
| Mu-Nition chapter 9 . 11/26/2014
I've been reading this story, and so far, my biggest complaint is the formatting. A line divider between scenes (rather than just a new paragraph) and the dialogue with standard formatting (each person gets their own new line for their bit of dialogue) would go a long way towards making this story more readable.
Overall, I'm finding the story enjoyable though it is not quite as polished as those of some of the more experienced writers.
| alfa wolfcub chapter 32 . 12/30/2013
no! it says its part of a trilogy! grrr, great story though. really liked your take on vampires
| K-Ness chapter 3 . 12/21/2013
I like it. I'm leaving a review on this page in the hopes that I'll remember where I left off.
| OmenProphecy chapter 1 . 6/8/2013
This is a pre-review, I guess. You have nearly 150k words, but only 7 reviews? There's something wrong with that. Are people just not finding your story? I can tell you right now, it isn't because of an issue with your writing. I like the originality, even of the fist chapter. I am intrigued, and I look forward to reading on.
| iain chapter 32 . 10/27/2012
I haven't really read many fan fics before but I enjoyed what you did here. It's been a little while since I read through the Harry Potter series but your story seemed to fit really well as a parallel story. Most importantly, you have a beautifully descriptive writing style. Some of your choices were really inspired (never would have thought of saying that someone "laced" their fingers together). You have a great foundation and with more writing practice, I'm sure it'll get even better.
If I had to find something to nit-pick about, it might be the dialog. All of the characters seem to speak in a very well mannered voice with proper grammar, which made their voices blend together from time to time. I had an English teacher that told me once to speak my dialog out loud after writing it. If I got tongue tied or if it sounded unnatural then I should probably re-word it. I'll use a line of dialog from the final chapter as an example.
"Let me go Orion, *Spoiler* is dead, and I want my revenge." This felt a little unnatural for me when I read it. Mina is pissed at this point so I would think her dialog would be a little more abrupt and filled with rage. Something more along the lines of "Let go of me! He'll pay for what he did to *Spoiler*" Just something to reflect the emotion in her voice at that moment. I think, coupled with your already great descriptive style, it will help get the emotions/personalities of the characters across a little better.
Other than that, I don't really have anything else to add for constructive criticism. It was a sad but entertaining story and I enjoyed it. Congrats!
| A Fan chapter 1 . 8/20/2012
I think you should look forward to many positive reviews in the future. Your story was well-crafted, heart-breaking, and ultimately committed to the true likeness of your characters. Your story speaks to anyone who has experienced loving someone who will never return that love. You have a gift, please keep writing, I will certainly keep reading.
| BloomRay chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
I quite like this chapter. It's pretty interesting, and I really do want to read more.
Personally, I never judge a fic by its reviews. I've read some godawful stories with over 1k reviews, and I think this chapter rules over their 45 chapters of nonsense, hands down. My stories don't get many reviews, but I wouldn't like to stop writing because of it.
All in all, a very well-written start :)
| MaraSnape chapter 32 . 7/12/2012
I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed this story. I read it all in one go; I was so hooked. Snape is, hands-down, my favorite character and I always wanted a good ending for him. I was shocked when I saw this story had so few reviews, so I just wanted to say, "Bravo"