|Reviews for Wicked Game|
| RainbowLabs chapter 28 . 7/24/2016
So I started reading this yesterday. I enjoyed the story very much until I thought deeper about the story. Not once in this story has Mina ever made her own choice about her life. I understand that she was born an experiment for Lord Voldy and that she hasn't had much choice in her destiny but there should have been more choices for her. Getting her wand wasn't her choice, being a vampire wasn't her choice, starting Abaddon wasn't her choice, getting kissed at any time in this story was not her choice. The only choice she ever made was to love Snape and when she chose that she basically took every choice she ever had away because she would follow him to the freaking gates of hell. It's ridiculous and maybe that is how you wanted it to be written and more power to you for that but I just wanted her to plant her feet. I wanted her to stand up and say that is enough, I am my own woman and you cannot kiss me, demand that I do something, or tell me to move without me giving you hell for it. I just wanted her to stand up to something and not move because that is what she believed in.
Thank you for reading this review. I really did enjoy your writing style but not your character development.
| Auguruj chapter 7 . 9/9/2015
Okay. There are already several people who seems to know a great deal about her that she doesn't know and yet they are not telling her, not even Remus, who probably can sense she has something to do with vampires. There is starting to be too many secrecy and too many things are being kept from her. And, for heaven's sake, she is eleven, Nott, if he's a year ahead, can be thirteen at most. That behavior is completely pervert and his remark about being a man completely laughable. And I find it weird that being a Ravenclaw, she simply allowed half of her house to build opinion on her based on the few times they saw her with Severus and no one else and Marlene's words. Ravenclaws should be all aobut facts, which makes that unfounded opinion strange and her silence about it as well. She seemed a relatively strong person, but then she would have outed the lie to the whole common room and mentioned she was being friends with Lily and Remus too.
Several grammar and spellos in this chapter - right now I can only remember then instead of than and by instead of buy near the beginning.
I think I'm going to take a little break from this story, it's too differing from my preferences to overindulge in. But I'll probably return to it later, there are not that many vampire stories out there and I tend to like them.
| Auguruj chapter 6 . 9/9/2015
Sirius is an idiotic prat, and Lily should take better care of her things. Somewhere at the beginnig of the chapter I think you forgot to divide two sentences with a dot, but other than that I saw no mistakes. Story is still interesting, though I am missing some wholly positive aspects to balance the annoyance that comes with having to read about her dealing with bloody Sirius all the time. By the way, in Harry Potter's time Accio charm was only taught in fourth year. How comes a first year can do it? Is she stronger or with better developed magic? Or is it just author's licence at tweaking the basic rules?
| Auguruj chapter 5 . 9/9/2015
It's just as good you didn't make her a Slytherin. Severus can be friend with a Ravenclaw more easily than with a Gryffindor, and she will be slightly more distanced from the dark lurings to help her out.
By the by, I wonder about Sirius's behavior. Sometimes it seems like he is being an idiotical prat, kind of like he was pictured in the books - making fun of people, even cruelly, just for the kicks of it - but sometimes I wonder if he is kind of interested in Mina. I think in the previous chapter you wrote his eyes flicked to her lips though, and if that was meant as a sign of "romantic" interest, then it struck me as a bit pervert, because he is just eleven. Anyway, I didn't like young Sirius in the book, and I don't like him here, so I guess you are doing a rather good job of keeping him kind of in character.
| Auguruj chapter 4 . 9/8/2015
This story reads rather well, I hope it continues like this, and will be as interesting as it right now (though the amount of information they are keeping from Mina is getting on my nerves - especially the bit Mira said to her that it was not important what her wand core was soaked with - it was her wand, of course it was important what it was made of and what its good and bad points were).
I rather like your character Drago, though I guess he is one of the completely evil guys in here. That's to be expected, I have a kind of weakness for the dark mysterious types in literature, even if they are seemingly bathing in evilness, otherwise I wouldn't be a Snape shipper :)
I noticed one grammar mistake in this chapter, flea (which is a little animal dwelling and jumping about in animal fur) instead of flee (which is to escape or make a run for it).
I'll try to leave more reviews in my wake, but I may miss a few chapters here and there - I always want to read on, to find out what happens next and I forget I didn't leave a review yet. It's nearly always like that with interesting stories that are rather well written and so they keep my attention on the story line and I am not getting distracted by mistakes or weird stylisations and such. Yours is such a story, at lest up until now it was. In this case, it may be to your detriment, cause it'll probably result in you getting less reviews from me that you might want :) Just a warning.
| That Punk Rock Fandom Chick chapter 33 . 5/30/2015
Omg whyyy omg my hearts hurt ughhh ;-;
| Ferm chapter 5 . 1/3/2015
| Ferm chapter 4 . 1/3/2015
nice chapter :)
| Ferm chapter 3 . 1/3/2015
hm.. so she gets the letter..
a small thing.. you cant write skipping as a description of a man's movements.. it seems a little odd.
| Ferm chapter 2 . 1/3/2015
some words like away should be a way.. you have done some mistakes in spacing, and punctuations,but nice story so far :)
| Ferm chapter 1 . 1/3/2015
there are some problems I encountered.
*first is that the first chapter is not much you talked about an oc, and a mydterious ability...
*formatting:You should always write dialogues of different people in different paras.
*descriptions: Some of them were... strange, or atleast ones I have never heard.. like 'burnished by the porch light like chestnuts.'
but I still dont know why there are so few rev.s...
| Mu-Nition chapter 33 . 11/27/2014
First off, congratulations on completing a story of this breadth. While there is the odd formatting and the occasional grammar/spelling mistakes, this was a very good effort overall. There are some points you missed or could have done better, but that doesn't take away from the fact that you wrote a story long enough to fill a book and it was obviously a work with a lot of love going into it.
Also, FYI: "Gypsy" was originally a shortened/derogatory version of "Egyptian". Technically, their magical history goes back thousands of years, and is a meld of cultures. You might want to expand that a bit .
| Mu-Nition chapter 11 . 11/27/2014
God, Sirius Black is so cringeworthy here. He has no redeeming features, and is defined by arrogance and possessiveness. Mina may be a "go with the flow" type person when in extreme situations, but his actions are very rapey.
| Mu-Nition chapter 9 . 11/26/2014
I've been reading this story, and so far, my biggest complaint is the formatting. A line divider between scenes (rather than just a new paragraph) and the dialogue with standard formatting (each person gets their own new line for their bit of dialogue) would go a long way towards making this story more readable.
Overall, I'm finding the story enjoyable though it is not quite as polished as those of some of the more experienced writers.
| alfa wolfcub chapter 32 . 12/30/2013
no! it says its part of a trilogy! grrr, great story though. really liked your take on vampires