Reviews for Wicked Game
That Punk Rock Fandom Chick chapter 33 . 5/30
Omg whyyy omg my hearts hurt ughhh ;-;
Assasin Nero chapter 5 . 1/3
ah.. great..
Assasin Nero chapter 4 . 1/3
nice chapter :)
Assasin Nero chapter 3 . 1/3
hm.. so she gets the letter..

a small thing.. you cant write skipping as a description of a man's movements.. it seems a little odd.
Assasin Nero chapter 2 . 1/3
some words like away should be a way.. you have done some mistakes in spacing, and punctuations,but nice story so far :)
Assasin Nero chapter 1 . 1/3
there are some problems I encountered.

*first is that the first chapter is not much you talked about an oc, and a mydterious ability...

*formatting:You should always write dialogues of different people in different paras.

*descriptions: Some of them were... strange, or atleast ones I have never heard.. like 'burnished by the porch light like chestnuts.'

but I still dont know why there are so few rev.s...
Mu-Nition chapter 33 . 11/27/2014
First off, congratulations on completing a story of this breadth. While there is the odd formatting and the occasional grammar/spelling mistakes, this was a very good effort overall. There are some points you missed or could have done better, but that doesn't take away from the fact that you wrote a story long enough to fill a book and it was obviously a work with a lot of love going into it.

Also, FYI: "Gypsy" was originally a shortened/derogatory version of "Egyptian". Technically, their magical history goes back thousands of years, and is a meld of cultures. You might want to expand that a bit .
Mu-Nition chapter 11 . 11/27/2014
God, Sirius Black is so cringeworthy here. He has no redeeming features, and is defined by arrogance and possessiveness. Mina may be a "go with the flow" type person when in extreme situations, but his actions are very rapey.
Mu-Nition chapter 9 . 11/26/2014
I've been reading this story, and so far, my biggest complaint is the formatting. A line divider between scenes (rather than just a new paragraph) and the dialogue with standard formatting (each person gets their own new line for their bit of dialogue) would go a long way towards making this story more readable.

Overall, I'm finding the story enjoyable though it is not quite as polished as those of some of the more experienced writers.
alfa wolfcub chapter 32 . 12/30/2013
no! it says its part of a trilogy! grrr, great story though. really liked your take on vampires
K-Ness chapter 3 . 12/21/2013
I like it. I'm leaving a review on this page in the hopes that I'll remember where I left off.
OmenProphecy chapter 1 . 6/8/2013
This is a pre-review, I guess. You have nearly 150k words, but only 7 reviews? There's something wrong with that. Are people just not finding your story? I can tell you right now, it isn't because of an issue with your writing. I like the originality, even of the fist chapter. I am intrigued, and I look forward to reading on.
iain chapter 32 . 10/27/2012
I haven't really read many fan fics before but I enjoyed what you did here. It's been a little while since I read through the Harry Potter series but your story seemed to fit really well as a parallel story. Most importantly, you have a beautifully descriptive writing style. Some of your choices were really inspired (never would have thought of saying that someone "laced" their fingers together). You have a great foundation and with more writing practice, I'm sure it'll get even better.

If I had to find something to nit-pick about, it might be the dialog. All of the characters seem to speak in a very well mannered voice with proper grammar, which made their voices blend together from time to time. I had an English teacher that told me once to speak my dialog out loud after writing it. If I got tongue tied or if it sounded unnatural then I should probably re-word it. I'll use a line of dialog from the final chapter as an example.

"Let me go Orion, *Spoiler* is dead, and I want my revenge." This felt a little unnatural for me when I read it. Mina is pissed at this point so I would think her dialog would be a little more abrupt and filled with rage. Something more along the lines of "Let go of me! He'll pay for what he did to *Spoiler*" Just something to reflect the emotion in her voice at that moment. I think, coupled with your already great descriptive style, it will help get the emotions/personalities of the characters across a little better.

Other than that, I don't really have anything else to add for constructive criticism. It was a sad but entertaining story and I enjoyed it. Congrats!
A Fan chapter 1 . 8/20/2012
I think you should look forward to many positive reviews in the future. Your story was well-crafted, heart-breaking, and ultimately committed to the true likeness of your characters. Your story speaks to anyone who has experienced loving someone who will never return that love. You have a gift, please keep writing, I will certainly keep reading.
BloomRay chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
I quite like this chapter. It's pretty interesting, and I really do want to read more.

Personally, I never judge a fic by its reviews. I've read some godawful stories with over 1k reviews, and I think this chapter rules over their 45 chapters of nonsense, hands down. My stories don't get many reviews, but I wouldn't like to stop writing because of it.

All in all, a very well-written start :)
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