|Reviews for A Feather in the Wind|
| TheMadKatter13 chapter 1 . 6/15/2013
I was going to try to read this but afer that warning, I can't. I already was dropped into a pool of depression once today with the Stimulus series. So I'm just gonna stop myself here.
| RelapsedTrainWreck chapter 5 . 9/20/2012
This was quite possibly the saddest story I've ever read. And I loved it.
| AppleGirlin chapter 5 . 6/24/2012
I was not prepared for the amount of angst in this... I thought I was but I was so wrong. Thanks for surprising me
| Howlynn chapter 1 . 5/13/2012
Ok, going to give you some hints and thoughts beings you said you would appreciate it. Please understand, I am no grammar God but if I hit on something you feel needs changing - wonderful. If you don't agree, just take me with a grain of salt and know in my world, red ink equals love - not grouchy mean feelings. People point out my errors all the time - it is always easier to see them when you have not written it...grin.
This is called an 'as you know bob' moment.
It makes sense. He hasn't been eating much over the last few years. - you have a character describing something he would already know. Rather than telling the audience show them in a way the character might actually think.
He hated how frail he looked. In his mind he is still a muscular God chipped from stone, but he wonders if Jim would even know him. He just needed to up his protein or learn to ingest enough calories to not look like famine, do a few of his old military sets. Once this was over, he would bounce back. Jim always admired his bulky form. (see the difference - people don't suddenly realise they have not eaten - and the reader doesn't need to be told he's thin because he doesn't eat - but give them the emotions behind WHY he can't eat - and compare himself to when Jim was alive - you can dabble in so much more backstory without it feeling like backstory or just a dull physical list by drawing us into his emotional turmoil.
He holds the breath in for a long time, savoring the the fantastic pulse of tobacco in his lungs before exhaling. The warm relaxation floods him, and he stands calmly to gaze out the window.
He holds the smoke in his lungs.
He does not have tobacco in his lungs and for some reason if he does, and it is pulsing - well ewww, what is in it, sounds infested with larva.
He savors the taste of the tobacco and the soothing sensation of nicotine pulsing into his system.
Feeling calmed (because relaxation flooding - sounds like sleepy or afterglow) or - He stands and gazes out the window, his mind calmed by the rush of relaxing warmth the (stick a brand or country of manufacture in just for detail) provides.
and to kill him if Holmes did commit suicide. (wasn't that the point?) and to make Jim's word ring with power beyond the grave. His job, the last order from the man he loved, is to keep Jim's promise should Holmes think he could outsmart the master of the game. Of course, Seb was sure Holmes was really dead. He had stood his last order long past all reason. He could have left years ago. It didn't really matter any more. But he clung to his mission, like poor Watson clung to his grief. Seb had come to like Watson, in some ways he was like a friend now. Watching Watson, kept Jim close, letting this useless vigil go meant giving up his own version of a reason to exist. (give us some empathy for Seb - let us see him as a person and let us peek at his motive for not moving on to new crimes)
He was so many things, and unexpected was the quality in him that Seb misses most.
What things? Unexpected what? Does he still miss in present tense - he used to miss unexpected? Try this.
Jim had so many unexpected bits of his personality. People never saw the gentle side of him, or the way he lost himself in opera, or how he could be playful in snow, and innocently delighted by Christmas gifts. (don't be bland, describe him as a lover would, small details) There were thousands of private details that Jim saved only for Seb's eyes. Now he plays the seconds in his mind, because haveing no new ones is the thing he misses the most.
Sherlock Holmes was dead. (is...in Seb's mind he is. Was conveys he isn't now - which he has not yet accepted)
He sets himself up at the window sill- first he is alone, who else would he set up. He's been there forever, wouldn't he BE set up by now?
his rifle poised and his eyes mad with obsessed rage - why would he feel rage? Pride that he may get to DO what he was assigned. Maybe worry he imagined it. caution in case it's just a nephew or his eyes have played tricks.
With newfound interest, Seb perches with the patience of a tactical soldier. Moments before he was a defeated reclusive lost soul. But, if this is Holmes, he has not wasted a moment in some hopeless cause. He feels Jim smiling and praising his faithful instinct. "This is why I loved you Seb. Because you always are my one faithful truth in this world of dark useless people. I knew I could count on you."
Ok let me know if this sort of thing is helpful to you...it is easier for me to show you examples than it is for me to Go on and on in Grammar gibberish. You have great ideas, but at times the phrasing is off. You over explain one bit, then use bland words for important sections which takes some of the power away from your writing.
| jhk021150 chapter 5 . 5/13/2012
My favourite fic since 'Alone On The Water'. This amazing. I'm sobbing and my heart aches but it was so beautifully written. Well done.
| tardisinthesgc chapter 5 . 5/13/2012
God, Jess, so dark, so painful, so beautiful.
| IShipItAllAndThenSome chapter 5 . 5/13/2012
This is sad, far too sad. Poor Greg, and Sherlock, and John. And poor little fluttery thing inside of Mycroft.
| CakeBook chapter 5 . 5/13/2012
I told myself that I could handle the angst, but the way you wrote this, so sensual, the feelings and descriptions were so meaningful and characters were just spot on, I just couldn't not cry. Not much people can pull off a character death so well, and well, you just killed 3. I think my heart broke twice ( why would it break for seb? It wouldn't)
I applaud you, and this amazing angsty story.
| It's-Teatime-Somewhere chapter 5 . 5/13/2012
That was incredibly beautiful and terribly Painful!
I've proved that theory right, in the worst way." He blinks slowly. "It was a mistake."
that part was just horrible. Really the emotions were so raw and so beautiful, that's when I started really crying. I'm glad, though, that he never gave up and couldnt wait to see John when he died. Also, I think he only said that for mycroft which was an iteresting idea, like the fact that mycroft of all people couldn't see the true measure of his love for John.
I'm also glad he didn't kill himself immediately after johns demise because not only would that have made for an even more depressing story, but I also think it would be really out of characte.
The inclusion of drugs was really neat, and I loved that even when he was high, Sherlock couldn't escape from the sadness an pain.
I loved the part with Moran and how he was happy to die. I think he felt kinda the same way as Sherlock, like "if I die I'll see him again" thoughts since they are both really in love.
Lastly, I loved the little mycroft bit. It was really interesting to see how he reacted and how he utterly underestimated the love his brother had, and how lestrade showed him that.
Also I love to think Greg ships johnlock too :)
Overall this story was an incredible blend of love and angst and I loved every second of reading it (although half of it way crying, but nbd) thank you for posting it, it was wonderful!
| Howlynn chapter 5 . 5/13/2012
Well, grammar errors aside, and they are many, I do like the story very much.
There were sad places, but the overall feel is quite brave. You started a tragic story and did not kiss the boo-boos at the last second with a remarkable save. That is more uncommon than you might think. Writing the actual death of a character is very hard and you handled it very well.
John is almost ok by the time Sherlock comes back, then we have some sappy sugar before the great bomb of all that's holy in our nobody really dies on the telly minds.
And Sherlock deals with the loss in the most self destructive ways possible, yet because he's so tortured, his own death is that of a hero. Nice touch, Nice ending. Love that Mycroft keeps his public image but still didn't quite fool Lestrade.
I really did enjoy your version of this, though it was full of terrible sorrow.
I have to quote Mycroft - All lives end. All hearts are broken. That is the story you told.
Very nice job.
| It's-Teatime-Somewhere chapter 4 . 5/10/2012
NO NO NO FUCK YOU AND YOUR ABILITY TO MAKE ME CRY!
*calms down* *dries tears* *looks around as people give her odd looks for crying in maths class*
well, what a LOVELY chapter!
I actually did love all of the feelings and sherlocks reaction to...well...THAT thing...
It was really nicely done and I can't wait for the resolution!
| Guest chapter 4 . 5/8/2012
The way you write your love scenes is so... intimate and sensual. I really felt it. The last bit was so sad. I was actually tearing up. Please continue!
| tardisinthesgc chapter 4 . 5/8/2012
god, Jess, stories rarely make me cry, but this...I'm so glad I'm not reading this in public...
| lttlbrat93 chapter 4 . 5/8/2012
Is it morbid of me that I want Sherlock to kill himself and meet with John in the afterlife.
Other than that weird fact I wish Moran was tourted more by Sherlock and also im terribly sad john is dead
| tardisinthesgc chapter 3 . 4/27/2012
gah, Jess, this is fabulous! I can't wait for an update!