Reviews for Slayer's Pride
LillithAltair chapter 4 . 4/27/2012
I've really enjoyed reading this! Pretty good for 'all the time you've put into the plot' hehe. Can't wait for more!
AM78 chapter 4 . 4/26/2012
Good god Sango sure passes out a lot in this story. Three times in four chapters? Was that really necessary? But at least this time there was no cause for shame or dissapointment. This is what was sorely lacking in the other chapters: A fight so good that even in defeat, it doesn't make the loser look bad.

Since this had some real fighting in it, I easily enjoyed this way more then all the others. You made great use of all Sango's weapons, which is always nice because far to often the focus is too much on the Hiraikotsu, both in stories and in the original series. The veriety of enemies and weapons was a nice touch as well. Overall just a solid, well put together action-based chapter that was a lot of fun to read.

However, this does need some major editing, because there were a ton of spelling mistakes (most comically spelling "Warriors" as "worriers", like people who worry too much"). I'm normally not big on spelling errors, since I tend to make a lot of them myself, but the sheer number of them in this chapter really do add up.

Also grammar issues. Many sentences didn't have commas in places they should have been.

Still like I said, this was the best chapter so far, and it's got me interested to see what happends next.
AM78 chapter 3 . 4/22/2012
Not a bad chapter, but kind of short. I would have preferred an actual fight scene over a "one move and done" incident. But overall it was pretty good. I liked the descriptions of the building interior, and how Sango made good use of her secondary weapons. I didn't see enough of that in the series. And as short as the "fight" was, the one move was depicted pretty well.

There were a few exceptions though. "as the youkai past" should be "passed", and I would have been a bit more dramatic, like "stormed by" rather then merely passed. Then there is "Sango noticed she felt lighter, and a moment later the crash of her Hiraikotsu hitting the floor behind her."

This is a sentence fragment. I assume the word "heard" should be after "later". That would fix it.

Overall my favorite chapter so far, but it probably would have been better as part of the next one. It just didn't seem like much happened. Sango wakes up, poisons her weapon, beats Azumi in seconds, and then leaves. Not a whole lot.

Also I'm surprised Sango didn't want to stick around to see if Izumi survived and interrogate her if she did. The fact that Izumi originally saved Sango, let her keep her weapons, has been treating her pretty well, and seems to be going out of her way not to hurt her, seems to suggest some hidden agenda I really want to know about, and I figure Sango would want to know as well.
AM78 chapter 2 . 4/20/2012
Okay that's two dismal performances in a row from Sango. This is getting flat out insulting. No offense, but if you made this for Sango fans, it's not getting off on the right foot.

And what was this "Slayer of of lower-class youkai" crap? Sango would certainly take offense to that title. It's like calling Inuyasha "Slayer of wussy demons Sesshomaru didn't feel like dealing with".

Again the the writing is good, but when you keep dishing out insults to the person who is supposed to be the central character, it makes it hard to focus on anything else.
AM78 chapter 1 . 4/20/2012
Kind of a dismal opening performance and Sango and Kirara. I hope they'll get a chance to redeem themselves. Still not a bad start. I liked the detail in the training scene and the youkai was interesting. Kind of reminded me of the swamp turtle monster and the rock biter from "Neverending Story".