|Reviews for The Academy|
| Guest chapter 10 . 10/11/2015
Please make cjapter 11 soon. Ur story is really awesome so far.
| Glitterforlife chapter 10 . 4/2/2015
The misty mountains. Will they find Luke? And do you like cupcakes? How about cake?
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/22/2014
| piko niko chapter 9 . 5/26/2014
Miss you. Miss your stories.
| WarriorPrincess19 chapter 8 . 4/24/2014
Awwwwwwwwww! So sweet!
| Piko Niko chapter 7 . 3/13/2014
Yes. I would read it :D
| neon-green-bra chapter 7 . 3/10/2014
I would read it! :D
| Ethereal Wander chapter 6 . 6/26/2012
Wow this is really addicting to read! I'm hooked on this story now...so beware haha jk. I hope you update soon.
Keep it up!
| Domvoia chapter 6 . 6/15/2012
I fell in love with this story ;) Thank you for lighting up my day with laughter and getting my mother to call my crazy and disturbed lol
| Piko Niko chapter 3 . 6/10/2012
I'm back! I'm actually going to review 2 chapters: 3&6. Chapter 3 first -
I love how you combine sadism and angst. I'm like a major Manfred fan so it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who thinks that he is pure 100% evil because that conflicts with the laws of human nature (sorry Jenny Nimmo). And he can't hate his mother for no reason, can he? I wouldn't be too surprised if there's some sort of in-the-margin abuse going on between the two, it would really help explain why he's so keen on abusing younger children. And he's clearly got some sort of mental instability. I mean, he practically killed charlie in book 1 when he couldn't hypnotize him. I get that he's overly obsessed with his endowment and all, but this just seems a bit lover kill.
Right, back to reviewing. In Chapter 2, it kind of surprised me that a hypnotis can get hypnotized. I'm not saying to redo anything because it isn't a bad thing, just interesting. Is it because Manfred is a stronger hypnotist than Jonathan? I moticed that Manfred's eyes are described as darker than his. Is Jonathan's endowment not fully developed? Manfred's peaked when he was 9 so I find that sort of interesting. Or is he just born with less aptitude? Could you please specify somewhere about that because he should technically have more resistant to hypnotism/ have it wear off sooner. I looked, but I didn't find anything which signified that he was harder to hypnotize in your story. Quite the opposite, it appeared to be easier for Manfred to do so. If you look in any of the books he always has this little coaxing thing going on. "Look at me; come on, one quick look can't hurt, etc. And usually some long preface on why the person doesn't really need the information to begin with and why it would be better off with him. It's called Eriksonian techniques, you should Google it. . . But he didn't even try to make Jonathan look at him, it just sort of happened. I really liked how you set it up, so don't change it. But if anyone else gets hypnotized in the story, try to include something from the above. Please don't get the idea that this chapter is bad because it isn't. It's just that I'm a major Manfred fan and tend to overreact whenever something goes out of order. Feel free to do the same long, boring reviws on my story if I am upsetting uyou.
Personally, I thought that this and your Tanma chapter were the gold of the story. This chapter was really vivid. I think that's because you kept the personalities of the character's very consistent with everything they did. Like Manfred was evil and plotting in character, thoughts, and speech, and Jonathan remained somewhat aloof to him, but also sort of open and vulnerable. I think that you really capture Jonathan's feelings toward Manfred, not only on the surface level which kept him icy and distant because he didn't know him (and probably heard a lot of bad things), but also on the subconscious which sought to trust him due to similar endowments and being related. If you thoguth this through- good thinking. If this was on accident- good accident.
I said I would only do 3 and 6, but I got side tracked. So, on to Chapter 6. . .
I think every story reaches a time after all the characters have been introduced and their intentions have been made clear, when it runs dry for a little while. It's sort of the transition from the early risisng action to right before the climax. I am in that phase right now with my story. I think that Chapter 6 is the beginning of that phase for you.
by "dry," I don't mean terrible, but rather that good ideas are harder to come by. I had to rewrite a few of my chapters multiple times from scratch just to come up with something good. I'm not advocating that you should do the same because my plot was kind of dead from the begginning unlike yours. However, there are certain minor things you could alter to enhance your chapter. I'm sorry if this list is long, but that's not because your a bad writer (because you're not). It's still a good chapter and it's still a good chapter, but there are certain things you could improve.
fFirstly, you could break up the paragraphs into smaller chunks. A few good places would be right before "she shuffled into the kitchen," "she stared vacantly at the table," "poor mum," "Now, what in the name of ;arilyn," and "Asa hesitated, then sat down." Also, there is some coloquial language such as "pissed off." you may want to use incensed (sp?) of infuriated istead because they mirror the situation better. Also, she seems kind of happy the way she thinks sometimes while she is on the verge of hysterics. I think she sniles once or twice. In addition, you have a line which goes "blah, blah, king of Amsterdam." While I love the quote by itself, I feel that it is out-of-place. However, I really liked the description about the table as well as the whole wolf-whistle-hit-with-a-book thing. I also thought Pike comforting her was amazing!
Have fun with your job!
| DragonQuill6913 chapter 6 . 6/9/2012
Oh my goodness - Tancred bloody WOLF-WWHISTLED? HA HA! I'm gonna go die laughing now! Yu're wonderful love!
You know who
| Piko Niko chapter 1 . 5/19/2012
Yay! Someone finally acknowledged my existence! (I'm new and don't really know anyone). This is, chances are, going to be another super long review (did you see how much I wrote for Emory Adelaide . . . Bloors Academy? The writer probably hates me now for all the suggestions/corrections I gave them. I assure you, though, if this is super long, its not because I want to give you migraines.
Firstly, I think you did well on Emma/Tancred. Particulary on Tancred's "Smooth move. . . Freakin Brilliant." That was really nice. There are a few things which I think could have been better. I think it's kind of out of place when Tancred rolls his eyes, given that a few seconds before he had "concern written all over his face." I would take out the eye-rolling part unless he is doing it to cheer her up, in which case, you should make that clear. You did a good job on Emma's emotions up until she asks Pike who the boy is. If she's so scared of the boy, she should have some more emotion when she talks about him (Loth). I mean, you made it seem like she was in a post-tramatic state, and here she is, asking about who Jonathan is without batting an eyelash. Also, she was literally starstruck when talking to Tancred earlier, but she kind of forgets him (until she taps his hand, anyways)when Pike starts speaking. I know that I am kind of splitting hairs, but I think that their should be a bit more interaction between the two of them.
For a review by me, this is actually pretty short. Best wishes on your Chapter #6!
| Somedudette2212 chapter 5 . 5/18/2012
I love it! I just love it! I think it would be kinda cute if Luke had a crush on Emma, I know he's just five years old, and I'm not crazy or anything, but I think it just be really cute
Keep on with the good work!
| DragonQuill6913 chapter 5 . 5/15/2012
Ahh! Poor Tancred was sooo cute with Emma!
| Piko Niko chapter 1 . 5/12/2012
I love it! Its a really good plot. Could there be more emotion between the characters? I'm siding with whoever asked for Emma/Tancred. Please make it authentic though, no fluff.