|Reviews for Time Twist|
| kuroh chapter 4 . 8/31
countinue please I want to read more
| Gohanlaser9 chapter 4 . 12/7/2012
Update soon great story!
| Crystalzap chapter 4 . 7/19/2012
come ooooonnnnn, wheres the time travel? T_T
| Gothic-Romantic99 chapter 4 . 6/10/2012
The fight between Trunks and Goten is great. There are lots of descriptions and you did well with writing the suspense. I like how you don't know until the end of the fight who will win. That scene was very interesting to read.
The fight between Trunks and Huku was interesting as well. It's good to see that this fighter at least gave Trunks a challenge. I like the part where Trunks helped him off the stage, that gesture really says something about his character.
The finale was fun to read as well. It was full of action and your details vivid. Some of your descritpions felt like something that would actually happen in an actual fight in the series. The fight was well paced. Good work with that.
You should never put an author's note in the body of the story unless it is crucial to the overall plot that the reader know this detail right away, and even then you should try to squeeze it into the narration and if there is absolutely no way to do that then add a note. It really distracts the reader from your plot, especially the amount of notes you have here. For example with your first note regarding the move you are trying to reference, try describing that move in great detail and then if you want you can put a number or an asterick at the end of the paragraph then add it as a footnote at the end of the story. As an author (unless you're writing crack fics) you want as little breaking from the actual plot as possible.
As for the note following the tournament, you did not need that. You could have described all of those events in a few paragraphs. In most cases the more details you have the better. All these author's notes, especially one like that, are huge distractions and lowers the quality of your story.
The actual plot of this chapter is great. It has a lot of suspense and action. Just try to cut back on the author's notes. Keep up the good work.
| Gothic-Romantic99 chapter 3 . 6/10/2012
This is a pretty good chapter. Your descriptions of the fights aren't bad, but considering that you're writing a tournament, you might want to make the fights longer with some more detail. Even though these are the Z fighters and normal humans are no match for them, I still feel it would be better if these fights weren't too easy for them. It makes it more interesting if the character has to work for his win.
On a completely different note, you mention Gohan several times here through dialogue, but I'm curious as to where he is. He has yet to appear in the story, so maybe you can clear that up as well as the reason why some of the other, stronger fighters aren't in the tournament.
This is an okay chapter, but I feel it could use some work.
| Gothic-Romantic99 chapter 2 . 6/10/2012
This is an interesting turn of events. It's funny how everyone automatically assumes that something is wrong since Future Trunks showed up. It's interesting that you chose to have Trunks be on friendly terms with his past self, it does make the story more intriguing that way.
I have some advice. When writing dialogue each time a new character speaks you should start a new paragraph. It will make it easier to keep track of who is speaking.
Also, several times you wrote "Yay" when it seems that you meant, "Yeah."
Anyway, this sounds like it will be a most interesting story to read. Good work with this chapter.
| Gothic-Romantic99 chapter 1 . 6/10/2012
This is a pretty good first chapter. It's interesting and you did well with showing how these two children who hear these great stories of their fathers would want to have adventures of their own.
Nice job with your descriptions of the fight scenes. Also all the characters sound true their character.
Good work with this opening chapter.
| PokemonFreak90 chapter 3 . 4/28/2012
I think Goten and Kid Trunks had the best fights. You can describe match no. 4 if you want to.
| knigtbus chapter 3 . 4/28/2012
wow another great chapter .just tell the winner and continue with the story..
| darkangel chapter 2 . 4/24/2012
good chapter.. I am excited to know which timeline they will choose to travel , frieza or cell ,or both...update soon...
| ScarlettFire93 chapter 1 . 4/21/2012
I want to know when come the time twist :)
Read you soon.
| darkangel chapter 1 . 4/21/2012
good chapter update more chapter