|Reviews for A Marauder's Plan|
| Echaniot chapter 33 . 11/7
So far it is a well written story. However, you seem to truly dislike Dumbledore something that is seen very thoroughly throughout your chapters so far. You have shared hia skill and inspirations among further characters and reduced him to a seeminngly powerful liar with the role of a hopeless spectator. I hope that it isn't the case in the chapters to follow. Also, too many hugs .. too many
| Novus Ars chapter 87 . 11/8
This is a powerful story with deep character, interesting plots, and expansive narrative. I thank you for sharing this giant fan fiction.
There are a few points I’d like to make on you plot devices or how you execute them.I do so because, while spelling and grammar is something everyone can work years on and still never truly master (and that is in part because of the different schools of thought on what constitutes correct grammar), looking at execution of story can help deepen a writers abilities (not that you are lacking but we are always learning and sometimes it helps to hear from others).
First you utilize a few deus ex machina. I believe you mainly do so to help keep the story within Harry’s fourth year and not from any lack of understanding. If this wasn’t a fan fiction, I would rip you apart for using such a device, especially as you use it multiple times within the story.
The Valley Clinc and it’s magical time warp where only a week goes by on the outside world is your ex machina. It’s “your hand wave” that makes things “all better”. It wouldn’t have been such a knee jerk seeing it, if you had only used it at the beginning and/or end of the story. But you used it in the middle where major conflict was abound and where the plot could have expanded and shifted further from cannon and brought another shift of thought and character development. I understand on some level since you did write a story over 800000 words but it was disappointing.
That story arc felt contrived. And part of the reason it feels that way was because of the deus ex machina and the fact that none of the characters felt different after.
You make it out that Harry suddenly became more of a leader but he had all of a day, maybe two where he mostly grieved and sent a couple of “leader” letters. It wasn’t enough to make a change and that is made clear by the near non-existence of that change being visible in his character.
You claim that Sirius was closer to his grim after the conflict. That doesn’t come out when Sirius is himself and only “comes out” in a tiny hint, usually a sentence, when he gives in to the Grims nature. I felt you could have been a little more clear on what change was made to Sirius because you made is clear there was a change but you never showed what that change was.
The shift for Remus I think went pretty well. He change was emotional though and that isn’t something you need to remind or show through out the rest of the story. It wasn’t a fundamental change like you implicated with Harry and Sirius or, at least what it felt you implicated through your story telling.
Hermione’s reaction to this arc I am of two thoughts. One, she is fourteen/fifteen so she should be selfish and she is nosey by nature so I can see it. I get the conflict but, like Albus’ inability to seemingly change, I thought Hermione wasn’t in a position to change either. It didn’t really feel like she reached a changing point and yet she changed, fundamentally in some way towards Harry but no one else. On the other hand I get why this occurred instead of a breakup as I felt would have been more realistic for two teens. You need them to still be together for how you ended the story.
Your use of the hallows was interesting. I enjoyed the twist of showing what the fable had originally been about. But I feel you could and should have spread out the ghostly visitations, especially as you show after that week of ghostly dreams, that it was a consistent thing. I think it would have been interesting to have Harry have these dreams without fully understanding for a while. One night he falls asleep thinking about his dad or his grandpas or his ancestor, etc. I thought about them over the course of the story and I think it would have been far more interesting and powerful, and natural feeling if it was spread out.
The political side was interesting but a bit meh in a way since it came together so quickly - or it felt likely but I did read this all within a week so things may have blurred together a little. It, in general, didn’t feel like much conflict. But it was interesting and the characters all felt real. So, I guess my main point is that it felt like it came together too quickly and the one really conflict place there got tied up in a nice little bow nearly as soon as it appeared.
Finally, the wiccan magic was interesting. I like a lot of it until the very end where you have Hermione defeat Voldemort. Harry didn’t really do anything to defeat him besides having a bunch of support. You give the honor of finding a way to defeat him to Hermione (her ritual spell she created to take back Lily’s ritual blessing was Voldemorts downfall.). After all this searching and hunting and talk about the hallows etc, etc and Harry isn’t even the one to do what was prophesied. I mean, perhaps that was the point and perhaps my dislike for Hermione’s character (though you’ve made her out very well in this story) is coloring my opinion.
Harry playing shield for a giant bomb doesn’t really make up for this either. Crouch was always a wild card but the entire story was based around Sirius help Harry, keeping him safe and loved while supporting him in his endeavors including the defeat of Voldemort. Voldemort defeat felt anticlimactic and that might be partly because of the giant ass bomb.
I don’t know. I do know that it felt like you had a supporting character achieve the climax of the story.
That all said, I bring these up to point out so you have something more than squeals or hate in your comments. I wanted to give something back for this lovely story you’ve shared. It is powerful and a wonderful read crafting a tale of epic proportions with characters that feel very real.
| Rheya Ramsey chapter 19 . 11/8
| Jon chapter 87 . 11/5
Undoubtedly one of the most magical stories I have ever read. One of the best stories on ffnet, for sure. Everything was well done, it just worked and you made this your own. I remember reading this a while ago when it was incomplete and it was still a wonder to read this again now that it has been completed.
Thank you for sharing this magic with us.
| NovelistArtemis chapter 1 . 11/5
I like they way this story is plotted out :)
| OnLyMinO chapter 27 . 11/5
your "OK" is giving me issues
but I'll grit my teeth and move on to tackle this massive fic
| An AA Meeting chapter 8 . 11/3
What do u call an extended interview/discussion with Alastor Moody and Amelia Bones?
| Sweet Shy Suz chapter 87 . 11/4
One of the hallmarks of a good story is when you don't want it to end. I didn't want this one to end. I hope you do the sequel. One thing I have always wondered, if Peter had let Riddle kill him, wouldn't the fidelus have gone down anyway?
| Paul chapter 49 . 11/1
I don't often offer advice. But here's something I read a long time ago: "Write the slow parts fast and the fast parts slow." Meaning, the slow parts of the story, skip over them. My god, I like the story but I don't want to read so much crap that doesn't contribute to the premise in any way. Therefor I will stop reading this story and find another one to read, but at least I am learning how to write better by reading through what can only be the largest collection of writing mistakes and successes available on the web.
| Lost chapter 87 . 10/31
It's a bittersweet moment to finish this. I'm glad I found this gem. I will terribly miss the world you've created.
Should you write any one-shot or sequel, I assure you that I, along with a hundred of others, will read it. I hope all is well. Thank you again xxx
| Lost chapter 86 . 10/31
I've been leisurely reading this for a week now, and I can't express enough how much I've enjoyed reading this. Nights spent reading until 4 am were all worth it! I'm off to read the last chapter...
| icestick chapter 1 . 11/2
November 18 Magical Beasts and Where to find them.
| Lost chapter 64 . 10/29
I know a lot of people mentioned this already, even the characters in this story, but eh I'm gonna say it anyways. Augusta is a badass. What a lady.
| Lost chapter 62 . 10/29
That was a /disaster/ my goodness. I'm glad that ended well. I do hope Hermione will give Harry a hard time. *crossed fingers*
| Loveandpower chapter 87 . 10/29
I don't favorite many stories or even authors but your/madam have my full respect and gratitude. This story has been Ana amazing read and honestly I would love to read any unique works of yours if you ever choose to do so. I can't even put into words how amazing and well written this story was and again thank you for the dedication and passion you poured into this
I don't understand why magic was called to judge Hannah somewhat but I can see the arguments either way.