|Reviews for Revelations of One Harry James Potter|
| SciFiLvr13 chapter 11 . 5/31
And you say Harry considers Susan to be his equal and they want to change wizarding society but you continue the patriarchy. Eight sons to carry on the basicaly extinct lines? Why not daughters? The second child each daughter has could have the last name of obe of those families.
| SciFiLvr13 chapter 11 . 5/31
Harry is way to vindictive and immature and Susan is too. He easily forgives his abusive family but not Neville and Luna because they kept quiet after the DOM incident? Not forgiving the Weasleys or Dumbledore or a few otgers I can understand. As Donkey ssid to ShrekFriends forgive each other!" and Harry and Susan do not act like friends but very immature kids. I don't mean their ages but how they react to every little betrayal as if it's the end of the world.
| dragoncop chapter 15 . 5/27
Love it one of the best on the site.
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/26
| Cwhit930 chapter 15 . 4/28
Thank you for the share. Great story. Good depth. A little sad about the harsh treatment of hermione nev and espec Poor Luna. Thanks again
| dragon606 chapter 15 . 2/11
Enjoyed this very much
| HeartsGlow chapter 6 . 2/9
OK, it's a bit unrealistic for H&S to constantly keep interrupting things to profess their love to each other. Are you unable to write with a little bit more realism? For a guy, you write more sap than ten women.
| N Flamel chapter 3 . 1/22
Jack, the ending on this chapter was hilarious! When Hannah said she'd 'act as Susan's chastity belt,' I laughed out loud. Great line!
| Kai chapter 2 . 12/26/2016
I don't think "retcon" is correct, if I understood the definition correctly, but it's something similar: the Potters' will.
It is written, and hundreds of authors do it that way, I just feel like reviewing today, as if the Potters KNEW in advance that they would die together. The will is adressed to Harry. The real form should be that one adresses their will to the other and only include an extra paragraph in case they DO die together.
The same applies to any remark about the guilt of Pettigrew in case of Riddle's participation in their deaths. You left that out, but a lot of authors just ignore Riddle's ruthlessness and effectiveness as a torturer. Sirius might be caught and might under torture, mind rape or truth potions tell them that he's only the decoy. They catch Pettigrew and under torture he tells them the secret. The secret keeper just has to tell the secret, it's not necessary that he does so voluntarily. He's not automatically a Death Eater. He is, but if the Potters knew that and still made him secret keeper they deserve their deaths.
Those are the two main points of criticism in the Potters' wills in fanfiction.
| hawksma chapter 15 . 12/20/2016
I really enjoyed this. Thank you for your work.
| Kai chapter 15 . 12/14/2016
I'm a big fan of Hermione. So THAT part of the story was much too cruel in my opinion.
But others were great.
I love stories where the Dumblefuck lands in Azkaban for the rest of his pathetic life or, even better, is executed.
I indeed prefer it when Riddle's death kills all his minions as well. It's poetic justice.
And my favourite: Weasel!bashing. Canon!Bill is a bit neutral, Canon!Charlie is a nonentity, but the rest are completely useless, most of all Ronald and Molly. Ronalds behaviour has been thoroughly dissected in fanfics, he just is no friend of Harry's. What I've never seen mentioned however is that it was HIS choice to get close to Harry, despite knowing that he is a jealous arsehole and that Potter is wealthy and famous. So EVERYTHING is Ronald's own fault.
Remus doesn't need to be characterised as evil, but he's at least a useless loser. Even if the Dumblefuck keeps him away before school year 1993/1994, after they were reacquainted he should have kept contact with Harry. And leaving the girl because he knocked her up...
And finally I like a Harry who doesn't take everything lying down. A Harry who takes an eye for an eye, even if it's not "For The Greater Good" or allowing for redemption "because they were sorry" and "just need to be led back to the light".
So, all in all I enjoyed this story. So much that I couldn't sleep until I finished reading it, and now I'm so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open to write this review. Good work!
| NakedFury chapter 4 . 10/8/2016
This story is insane, is crack a third story category because I cant stop laughing at the sex slaves part
| chachingmel123 chapter 1 . 8/20/2016
I'm sorry but i can't read anymore.
Please tell me, I'm not the only one who stopped reading this half way through the first chapter.
First off from the reviews i can tell this a good story with a couple of errors that aren't too bothersome.
However I don't think anyone has mentioned the problem of Harry finding out his Aunt and Uncle were told by his parents to abuse him.
Yes what they did in cannon was abuse, not 'work him hard' to prepare him to be a Lord. I don't think being locked up in a cupboard and being forced to cook unhealthy amounts of food at an age when he's barely out of his Diapers will help him to becoming a rich and highly educated Lord.
What the letter basically said was "Harry, we're sorry for the abuse but the abuse will make you grow stronger as a person. We trust that your Aunt and Uncle won't take it too far and you'll survive long enough to take up your Lordship title, even if scars litter your body and your dangerously underweight. Remember, we're doing this because we love you"- Love James and Lily.
I'll tell you this now, you should add James and Lily name to your bashing list because I think all your readers can agree that excuse was not just weak but a load of bull.
Harry was lucky to survive to even get his hogwarts letter!
And than finding out about a marriage contract that will force him to marry a girl he barely knows because of his so called parents and Siruis is even giving him the thumbs up..
My head is slamming against the wall as I type.
Any person in this situation wouldn't be accepting this at face value.
They would be pissed.
Pissed at their birth parents for ruining their lives, pissed at their so called guardians who abused them under their parents orders, than pissed at anyone else who want along with this crazy plan.
In my eyes they're all no better than Dumbledore, who you made him the villain of this story.
The reason why I stopped reading was because I couldn't get passed Harry's VERY unrealistic reaction to all of what has been revealed to him.
Does it sound right to you that Harry seems to have forgotten the decade worth of abuse because of a couple of letters and that he suddenly trusts his so called 'family' to take him to Gringotts were all his money is being kept!?
Yes I know both Vernon and Petunia are extremely OC in this but I can't be the only one expecting both of them to turn around and try to rob Harry blind when he's not looking!?
Please tell me I'm not the only disturbed by Harry easy acceptance and unrealistic reaction to all of this?
A year ago I wouldn't even think about all of this and it wouldn't even bother me as much, but I fond out with age and experience, deeper stories are made and your character stop being so 2 dimensional.
You start adding deeper layers underneath your characters and you start to want to developed them so well that they become closer to be seen as real people with realistic problems and reactions.
Dont ever stop writting, I would like to read a story from you, that really draws me in and emensis me in the story.
If you can do that, than your on your way to becoming a top rate writer.
| DylanL chapter 15 . 8/17/2016
so except for the constant reiteration of the betrayals that happened to harry and the plot errors that i already mentioned, i thought the story was really good.
i found draco changing as much as he did to be unlikely based on how you portrayed him in the wizengamot and during sirius' will reading, but not impossible.
i think you were too hard on luna considering she didnt say anything at the beginning of the story and could have just been smart enough to realize that confronting the other 4 would be useless since she didnt know harry was there. plus she was never offered the chance to explain, which i consider to be a betrayal of her friendship by harry.
i remember you stating in an AN that this would be a solely harry/susan fic so adding daphne was unexpected and unnecessary. i could see maybe having harry give her a couple children.
the dursley's were interesting to me. i have read stories where they are good, neutral, and evil, where they have a change of heart, were being controlled by dumbledore, and where only petunia and/or dudley change. but this is the first story i have read where the dursleys were actually nice and did what they did because lily made them promise to do it until harry was ready. finding something novel in a fanfic after reading over a thousand stories, is very welcome and made me keep reading.
i liked them taking over victoria's secret, that was very amusing
| DylanL chapter 12 . 8/16/2016
the year is 1996 not 1995. it is post ootp which took place during the 95-96 school year.
also you never said who harry used in the fire on privet drive, but i had thought it was crabbe, goyle, and parkinson because harry said they fit the description and that meant that malfoy would be without protection at hogwarts and that the bodies were taken from their homes under their parents' noses. so who were the people that took those seats in the wizengamot since in canon none of them were said to have siblings?
you said, when bill no name was first arreted, that fleur's father was head of the french DMLE. why are you now saying he is the french Minister of Magic.
also have to wonder exactly how much wealth the malfoy's had in france when you said that they were almost bankrupted by sirius' will.