|Reviews for Celestial Warrior Moon|
| Skybreaker03 chapter 3 . 14h
This. This is what I wanted from the magical girl genre. The darkness they're fighting should be terrifying not annoying, you nailed it.
| FishWolf2215 chapter 84 . 10/2
-review will contain spoilers-
'bathing her in its chilly embrace' is a good description.
Man, that's another thing that I hadn't thought about/didn't occur to me, how the people think they'd be safe if they move out of a big city, when in reality the bad guys have been attacking smaller locations and stuff in the hopes of being less noticed and stuff, people all moving away to those smaller places would be so screwed if any monsters decide to visit. At least in the city they'd have a fair military or a police force nearby.
Picturing the part at the start where Mina's listening in on Usagi and Mamoru talking and stuff... I like it. Also with Artemis pointing out all the people fleeing and talking to Mina at the bottom of teh steps leading up to the Shrine.
For a second I wondered if the 'Sailor M or a Sailor J' thing was a reference to PGSM, how in Act 0 some of Usagi's friends tried to be like Sailor V, but it occured to me after that you meant Moon, Mercury, Mars and Jupiter... I think I have PGSM on the mind...
'Not while I'm around' ... I must be one of the most morbid readers on the planet, even though it was ARTEMIS saying it, my first thought was 'ok, when's he gonna die?' when I read that. I know it was meant to be like a cool moment when Mina knows she's not alone even if the other's did reject her (that's not gonna happen I know, just saying if it did), but that really was my first thought. I don't even really read or watch series where people die almost every episode or anything (I tried reading the Game of Thrones books due to the show's popularity, but didn't make it far in the first, but it wasn't my thing), but for some reason, even despite that, I just assume anyone that says a line that like is gonna die.
I was about to comment about Phobosand Deimos talking to Chad, but I think I havea really vague memory of them being caught talking (possibly to Orion?) and Chad walking in on it...? might needa note at the bottom of the chapter or something. It did amuse me when they called him a chicken though. Also, yay for another Phobos and Deimos appearance!
Ahhh ok, so that's what's happening, Mina's staying with Hikaru, that makes sense. Even if Mina didn't have a place to stay and Mako offered, I can imagine although forgiven, Mina would find it hard to be around Mako for a while.
Clever ideas for the motion sensors at Hikaru's place and having them activate for anything larger or heavier than average human weight./height. Although Naru's learning basic magic and would be able to hold off an attack, if not properly take down an enemy herself, she may find something like that useful herself, especially considering how much of a target she is/will be due to her high spirit energy.
Even though Hibiki was probably neutral like the others, the image of him with his cheesy 90's anime grin while enjoying tea at the table while all the others reacted made me chuckle.
When they were trying to work out who the real Moon Princess was and taling about female relations, I know it's just meant to be female (close friends or related) but I just had a vision that looked like it'd be straight from the 90'sanime of Usagi picturing Shingo as the Moon Princess/Prince in a dress.
Wondering if Mamoru slamming his fist to the floor and 'damning things all to hell' is a Planet of the Apes reference.
Man, the way you've written Kuroki Mio is unsettling... It works though, I'm picturing her PGSM self and it seems just how she would act. It also seemed a bit strange for her to have Atlanteans under her control, but I guess Jadeite is gone, Aqua dead, and they've probably agreed to serving the Dark Kingdom long ago, so it'd just be normal for them to still be a part of their army. It would seem odd if they just dissapeared along with Aqua, so it's good that you mentioned them again for that sake.
Speaking of the three Atlanteans, I know the name Brunhilde... it sounds like something from a Norse myth at a guess. Also I'm surprised Aerith had ranged equipment rather than a staff like her Final Fantasy VII counterpart :P And Bob and his WArhammer... Taht just sounds painful.
Out of the three, honestly, I'd probably be more worried about Atlantean Aerith, her custom crossbow sounds like hell to run into. Only downside to a weapon like that it would be it'd probably spray bolts like anything and may need to be reloaded often. It doesn't seem like it'd be too bothersome to reload though, unlike your traditional crossbow.
Crapping hrll, those kids went into a LOT of detail for the memorial on Ami's desk... (I admit when i saw Chad, Phobos and Deimos all talk, I checked for notes at the end, and saw the bits about the Japanese ways of bullying you used), and that is the HELL of a threat from the other students... I was wondering why Haruna hadn't done anything about it though. I mean Naru and Umino try and clear it up, but still. At least having a friend like Makoto will help the others back off. Ami's gonna have the hell of a day for now though. Poor girl went through enough before with bullying, and now this...
I like the idea of Myddin going to a motor race track, or something like that. He strikes me as more of a horse racing guy, but I still like the idea (even though he's only there to find the location of the dark energy in the area)
Wow, an appearance by the Death Busters already? (or a hint at least) I know you like to foreshadow stuff, I just wasn't quite expecting something so early.
...man, for all the weaponry and magic in your story and the fact Myddin is Merlin, it seriously never occured to me that there would be a magic wand in your story.
Oh Haruka, trust you to flirt with girls :P
I thought I'd recognised those words, repeating lines of the poem again, another hint towards the third arc. I guess it makes sense for the Daimon(s) to say it too considering that'll be their major storyline... actually I was sorta wondering as well, Neptune and HAruka... I mean they'll have to team up at some point, will they do the thing in S and keep away from the others when Warrior Uranus awakens? Is this to set that thing up?
'Good, it'd be silence and panicked stares if they'd forgotten' made me smirk.
It made me think a little of PGSM how Mina instantly caught on to (or is at least suspicious of) Kuroki Mio... if nothing else her blowing a kiss to Mina is certainly odd behaviour. Although, again it stays within the strange character of Kuroki so it's not out of place. Darn that's one weird kid though, Beryl's shadow or not.
I'm not sure I've seen teh word 'peppering' to describe something that is scattered, but it's a good word, I like it.
I'm a little curious actually, why does Orion have a red hawk form? Asking because I've been re-reading a book series lately (Animorphs) where some kids have the ability to fight off a parasitic alien invasion by becoming animals, and one of the main forms of a character is a red-tailed hawk, and I'm wondering if that was inspiration behind it or something.
Pffffhhhhh oh poor Mamoru failing to get Mina's attention, having to fake a coughing fit XD
Also, the 'Kaori Ever After' charm thing with the stones sounds like something that would actually be in the anime/PGSM, like an enemy using it as a cover to try and get control of students or something.
Also, it made me smile when Ami was all happy she took on the bullies herself and usedthe martial arts she learned to defend herself. End of teh chapter and next time is Jeff's Last Stand... sorry it took so long to read my way through this one.
Mistakes in writing:
-'She heard Usagi breath a sigh of relief' should be 'She heard Usagi breathe a sigh of relief'
-'Thank, Usagi' should be 'Thanks, Usagi'
-'There's a coming storm, Mina'... I guess you can say this, but it really doesn't look right to me, and I think it should be 'There's a storm coming, Mina'
-'She didn't want to talk about this, and she chose to be the one to spoke anyway' in that sentence 'and' should be 'but' and also 'spoke' should be 'speak'
-'Trust me told, Rei' should be 'Truth be told, Rei'
-'I have something to say to you?' the question mark on the end doesn't need to be there.
-'We need to confront him' 'School is the best option of finding her' Rei says these two in the same line, I think 'her' needs to be changed to 'him' (asuming they're talking about Jeff)
-'You don't shout and slam her fists' should be 'you don't shout and slam your fists'
-Takeshi checking news stations after the aftermath of the UN's North Pole assault, at one point you say 'an America station', it should be 'an American station' (not a mistake, but it made me chuckle when the CLICK of the TV channels became more forceful, like Takeshi's anger was translated to teh button press)
-'Mizuno is not a popular name right' should be 'Mizuno is not a popular name right now.'
-'concerned looked' should be 'concerned look'
-When talking about Haruka a guy talking to Myddin says 'He'll be competing', you need to change 'He'll' to 'She'll
-'blades limbs' should be 'bladed limbs'
-you say 'daemon' at one point, I guess you can get away with that, but at the same time I Think it should say daimon considering that's the enemy they're facing at teh moment, as demonic or monsterous as it is.
-'like a firearm in a dual' the last word should be 'duel'
-'the effect wasn't immidiately' should be 'the effect wasn't immidiate'
-Observation: when Mina and Mamoru discuss Kuroki Mio, there's a section-split in the middle of it. Is that meant to be there? I mean they could have changed location slightly, but at the same time it was a really odd place for one.
-'True but the correct term in Kaori Ever After' the 'in' should be 'is'
-I know we've had the discussion before about use of 'Mina' and 'Minako', but does EVERYONE call her Mina? If not, it seems odd for another student to refer to her as 'Mina Aino' instead of 'Minako Aino'
| MegaBookwormGirl chapter 84 . 10/1
All I can say is that the demise of Jeff had better be epic.
| DayDreamer9 chapter 84 . 9/27
On one hand, I'm glad that the people responsible for sending those people to their deaths are getting called out on their actions...but to target their families, Rei and Ami especially, is just wrong :( They had nothing to do with what their parents decided, but at least Ami has friends and can take care of herself. I hope Rei will be alright...
So, Jeff is about to engage his last stand at Minako's school; at least she has backup. It's a relief that she's made up with the others and Artemis; wounds will take time to heal, but the process has truly begun. And now Mio appears...
I smell an undercover project for Haruka coming up. Blending Seasons 2 and 3 together for the future, mayhaps? Hmmm...
The countdown has begun, it would appear, and not a moment too soon. Although I hope this doesn't mean ill tidings for Mamoru: the original material had a habit of turning him into a brainwashed pawn. But so much has happened here that have thrown the original for a loop, thus my fingers will remain crossed.
| Puffgirl1952 the 2nd chapter 84 . 9/27
Interesting twist in throwing the Death Busters in...
| FishWolf2215 chapter 83 . 9/19
-Review will contain spoilers-
Oh frick, it wouldn't have even occured to me that the Dark Kingdom would have ghost-based enemies, that alone has screwed the army over unless their EMPs effect ghosts too. Also, i like the idea of the humsn troops using cars and things as barricades. I mean you'd have to be careful as one shot aimed right and they'd explode, but it means the humans won't be cut down so quickly. Even if some were armed with steel riot sheilds or something, with the crap Youma could throw at you, cars would probably be the more solid barrier... either way though, you'd have to watch out for electricity-based attacks, one of those and anyone carrying metal would be so screwed, especially if it chained.
Also, the tiny detail of the blast hitting the tank and the sparks was nice, adds more to the reality of the world sorta thing.
Even though the Wraith Youma was writing in pain and shot, I still have the feeling it'll recover somehow. Also, another thing, does the EMP effect ghost/magic/elementals so much that it can solidify them to take damage from physical objects? Asking because the guy fired a bulled into the wraith's head, and I still think it could easilly recover. Not sure if you're planning something, or missed a detail in the effect it'd have on teh enemies, or in the description for what the device does, or if the soldiers just do it thinking they'll be safe, but you're not going to reveal it'd still be alive later (I'm really convinced it'll come back for some reason)
Going by the description of the Darkness in the tunnels, the Dark Kingdom lives up to its name :P sorry, couldn't resist the oppotunity to type that. It must be pretty big though for all taht light to have little to no effect on it all. I wouldn't wanna go in there.
Oh crap, I forgot about Entomon... He's still alive. Man, if any of the army guys ran into him, they would not last long, tank-as-shields or not.
Oh, sneaky Venus! But she's not gonna get past Jupiter easy. I mean Venus has experience, but Jupiter is a power house and probably makes the best guard out of the bunch next to Mars.. well, if combat was gonna happen anyway. Speaking of which I was wondering why Makoto was unarmoured, but appearinf as a friend rather than a Warrior, explains that. It seems like hte sort of thing they'd do if it was the anime or something.
Oh... I forgot that Mako was a HUGE Sailor V fan in this one! Crapping hell, that's gotta hit Venus kinda hard in the conversation they'r ehaving. It's the right sorta ammunition Mako needs. Did you plan for Mako to be the one to encounter Venus for that reason, or was that a happy coincidence?
Ouch... I know Venus is blinded by anger and stuff, so she would have forgotten her weapon would have been out but... ouch, poor Mako. I would have freaked out long ago if I had to confront a friend like that. And Ami properly yelling too... jeez, Makoto is certainly a brave one, taking a hit from Venus. I mean it was needed to calm her down, but still. And Mako forgiving her for stabbing her... man, I mean I know it wasn't Venus' fault but still... crapping hell, poor girls. I forgot about Ami having o break up teh fight between Jupiter and Mars too (the little reminder of the scene there was quite well written, I have to say)
That was a really good moment of character stuff there, MAko and Venus and all the stuff. I can't find words, but it was fraggin' good. You have better character deveopment (and better written characters) than some published authors do.
Oh man... I know here'd be a ton of monsters to fight and that the Dark Kingdom would be a large place and hellish to just navigate, but TEN HOURS?! Crapping hell, the soldiers have to be getting real tired after that long.
Wow, a year and a half in-story time? Geez... I mean I know there were time stamps for pretty much every section, but I hadn't realised so much time had passed... Ooohhhh! Are you going to do characters birthdays and stuff when it comes around to the time? I mean even if some might be plagued by fighting or anything, just a little mention or something might be cool :3
I'm picturing the Dark Kingdom's Great HAll to look like how it does in Crystal rather than the 90's anime. Although I prefer the 90's anime, how it looks in Crystal seems to fit better into the more fantasy theme your story has to it.
'A Private named Ryan'... my first thought was 'Saving Private Ryan' after reading that, even though I've not seen that movie
...Beryl being under arrest would be very strange to imagine. I know the humans are doing tha tbecause it's a thing, but picturing Beryl in handcuffs being stuffed into a police car is an amusing thought to me.
Beryl is having the guys being filmed? I'm guessing they want to show off the terror of Metallia being unleashed upon the world.- OH THATS WHERE THE CHOPPER WENT! Or the Dark Kingdom have a camera on them at least.
oh... geez... gnah, picturing a soul being ripped out the body is not pleasant. Neither is what's gonna come next with Metallia, but still. And the poor Camera man... they left him alive just so the world can see all the stuff going on... I'd be there with my eyes closed if I was him.
Kunzie's speech to the world struck me as a little odd, going into so much detail about needing the Moon Princess and stuff. I mean he must have known the Warriors would be watching, or some of them at least, but still, why tell the World about it? I guess to show how hopeless things are for them, but what about after the event? Will the world change it's weaponry so they can counter magic? Heightened security? or would all their memories be largely wiped? It seems like there's a lot of stuff to think about there... or to me at least, you might have it all planned out, but still.
'Seeing the people run around you in a panic and knowing you're one of the only ones who can stop it... it fills you with determination! (HP Fully restored)' ... sorry, you said 'determination' and I couldn't resist.
Even though it's meant to be a serious moment and situation, I chuckled when the Keepers all took a shot, Rulisa asked for another and Pious just handed her the whole bottle, that was great.
Also, the whole Warriors having to be together things, I'm partly wondering if Haruka needs to be included in that, or if it'll just include the Inners. I mean it makes sense if it was just the Inners, but Haruka will become a Warrior at some point.
Metallia's voice sounds very... powerful.
Oh holy heck, if she has the power to grant people weapons like Kunzite's the good guys are gonna be so screwed.
Oh? Is Zoicite trying to tell him something? Also I kinda like the idea of there having to be 4 generals. I'm not sure why but I do.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MIO! YOU HAVE MIO! ... god, I hated her character (or rather how she sabotaged Usagi when possible and was just a butt in general), BUT YOU HAVE HER IN YOUR STORY! as quite teh fan of PGSM I approve! :3 also, I was not expecting that which makes it even cooler :3
...What? it's ended? GAH! Darn it *sits, grumps and waits for next time*
Mistakes in writing:
-First section: 'the creature lowered head its face to protect it'... I think that's the line, It should be changed to 'so it's face could protect it' but that doesn't make sense to me either...
-'but he no visual on her' should be 'but he had no visual on her' when the EMP hits the Wraith-Youma
-'Rawlings, do your boys secured our entrance yet?' should be 'Rawlings, have your boys secured our entrance yet?' (side note, I like the name 'Rawlings')
-Not a mistake or anything, this might be more of an opinion, but when Kunzite appears on the helicopter with the two reporters it might flow better to have him say about Queen Beryl really being their queen before the news people are like 'who the hell are you?'
-typo: 'goggled' should be 'goggles'
-Mako and Venus section: 'it's always about what your needs' get rid of the 'what' in that sentence.
-'scooped' should be 'scoped'
-'right berfore I last transferring schools' should be 'right before I last transferred schools.
-'but Mako stood her ground and did shy away' the last part should be 'and didn't shy away', also later in that bit 'the one to wield' shoud be 'the one to yield'
-'Venus pitifully tried to protect' I think that last part should be 'protect herself'
-Soldiers made t to the Dark Kingdom: 'died for their countries, they were' you don't really need the 'they' in that sentence.
-'you'd better than those disruptors on my signal' ... I can't work out how to correct this, but I know it's not right.
-when the things Beryl's being accused of are being read out you say 'break and entering' I think it should be 'breaking and entering'
-'want t film' the 't' needs to be 'to'
-back to the girls 'being filmed in a castled' get rid of the 'd' on the end of 'castled'
-'Mina watched the hitch-jacked signal' in tha sentence 'hitch-jacked' needs to be changed to 'high-jacked'
-'Some stirred in her' should be 'Something stirred in her'
-There's another few instances of you saying 'Jervil' when you mean 'Lessart'. Wondering if you've got a replacemeny for Lessart, or have a number of rat-men assistants or something... but yeah, there's a lot of Jervil's around
-'to burrow your body' should be 'to borrow your body'
-'it feels warn' should be 'it feels warm'
-'when we enter the next battle the Warriors' should be 'when we enter the battle with the Warriors'
| DayDreamer9 chapter 83 . 9/10
I wanna say things got worse and they did, don't get me wrong, but it looks like at least Mina has her head back on her shoulders.
Artemis knows a lot more than he's letting on and it's starting to come back to bite him. Caught the Private Ryan ref, though I dunno if there'll be any saving done at this rate. One good thing Kunzite did - besides remember his true self for a couple brief seconds - was call out the politicians for being more concerned about saving face/getting votes than world safety. That sort of outlook is messed up.
Wonder what Myddin is up to? And will Mina be able to control herself around Jeff? I'll be checking my emails for updates!
| DayDreamer9 chapter 82 . 9/10
And now it starts.
| MegaBookwormGirl chapter 83 . 9/10
I hope Jeff's last stand is his last everything. Really hate that guy
Those poor soldiers. Another thing I really hate is useless politics. The world is ending and they're thinking about how to get bucketloads of votes! What's the point if the world ends?
How is Usagi going to awaken? I mean she isn't even that close to Mamoru unlike in the manga. It wouldn't feel real to see them from being all angry and just talking in a civilised manner to lovey-dovey, joined-at-the-hips soulmates right after they remember.
Oh and I hope you can come up with a decent explanation for the thing about Mamoru's memory. The manga/anime was never too clear about that. What was the point of losing it in the first place? Does he remember after this whole thing is over? Is it related to something that will happen in the future? Will you make up identities for his parents?
Mio Kuroki. I'll admit I wasn't really expecting that one. I watched like three episodes of the real life version on Youtube but I read up on her before. Nasty piece of work. But that part with Kunzite saying, "Congratulations, your majesty...it's a...girl?", cracked me up. The mental image was hilarious:)
| FishWolf2215 chapter 82 . 9/10
-REview will contian spoilers-
Hmm... Jervil's a new rat-man. I mean I guess Nephrite has more than one rat-man assistant, but still.
Gah, Jadeite's injuries, or even just the thought of having shrapnel in your hands... man, that sounds painful. I also sorta liked how Jadeite just said 'fair enough' when discussing Ami being a medic, I'm not sure why but picturing him being out of it is amusing to me, I guess because Jadeite's normally active and stuff.
I'm not sure why but Ami's character when she's talking to Jadeite in the first part of the story... it seems odd to me. I haven't read the manga or watched the anime or PGSM for a while now, so I might just be finding it a little hard to picture stuff, but... I'm not sure. Ami listening intently to Jadeite's story seemed right, but the smiling... I guess I just picture Ami being shy-er than she is, despite so much having happened in your story.
Ahhh in addition to being a medic, that also makes sense as to why Ami was trying to stick close to Jadeite, making sure Venus didn't go crazy on him or anything... where is Venus? I guess I'll find out later...
I know Makoto lost both her parents and stuff, but it wouldn't have occured to me that she's an orphan. I mean I know she is, that's the word that sums up having no parents, but using the word to describe her never occured to me before... if that makes sense, I guess because she's such an independant character.
'I'll knock her on her ass, sit on her and make her listen' it made me chuckle picturing Rei doing that.
Where's Mina gonna stay if she's not gonna move away with her mother? I guess she could stay at the Shrine with Rei, or live with Makoto or something.. or she could stay at KEeper HQ I guess
'the whispers of a chilly breeze' man, that's a nice description. I also like the colour description of 'tin white', I'm not sure why, but I do.
I wouldn't have thought anything odd about hard copies of maps and things until you mentioned the EMPs. I have a vague memory of a small machine that could detect spirit energy or magic or something like that, I'm wondering how the EMPs will fare against proper magic, if the army will be correct about that or not.
Does Beryl know Jadeite left, or does she think he's dead? Asking because I think I read something about Beryl thinking he was dead previously, but I think it might have just been a review...
OH WOW. Metallia's gonna be revived really quickly with all the human troops up North and the casualties they'll face. Crapping hell... I feel a bit stupid (or have forgotten) that's the whole reason they wanted all the people up the North Pole, but holy hell, that's gonna be devistating.
It's a little strange to picture a civilization of Youma, but I guess that'd be something that exists in your world. I quite like it, it works. Aqua as a little kid is kinda adorable to picture too. Also the one that wanted to buy the kids originally... that guy- Well Jadeite dealt with him in a way I would be tempted to deal with a guy like that.
I'm happy Jadeite gave her a grave near the sea, but at the same time it sucks that he has to dig a grave for Aqua at all, I know the previous battle couldn't have gone any other way really without Jadeite being dead instead, but still.
Man, if they want to defeat Metallia, they're gonna have to find the Golden Blade before all the army guys get turned to energy... where the hell can it be? For some reason all I could think is that it would somehow have something to do with Haruka (only because her usual weapon is a sword, really not sure why, I can't think too well today) or the Shitennou, or something to do with Mamoru's 'golden crystal' that only appears in the manga.
That's part 1 read. I admit my head's kinda fuzzy so any part after North Pole atack, migh not make sense, or might seem a bit off. It might be a little while when I get around to Part 2, hopefully back when I can concentrate properly again. It might be a little while, I might take your advice of looking at it a part at a time, especially with my head feeling like it is.
Mistakes in writing:
-First section with Jadeite waking up from his injuries: 'the fall of the moon', that doesn't quite look right to me. The Moon is a place, and also wuite an important thing in the world of Sailor Moon, I think 'moon' should be 'Moon'
-' I know. My beat myself up' the 'My' in that sentence should be 'I'
-'a quick call to Luna weilded' in that sentence 'wielded' should be 'yielded'
-'I bought most of us on myself' I thikn 'us' needs to be 'this' in that sentence.
-Mina talking to her mother 'I'm not eve sure I can' you need to make 'eve' 'even'
-the soldiers at the North Pole, one says 'Arrive in ten minutes' I think needs to be 'Arrival in ten minutes'or 'ten minutes until we arrive'. I think there's a number of variations of how that sorta thing can be said, but all I know is 'arrive in ten minutes' doesn't read right.
-'Beryl paces around her throne' should be 'Beryl paced around her throne'
-Jadeite flashback with the Atlantean kids being sold as slaves: 'well-food' should be 'well-fed'
-'she repeated his under her breath' should be (or I assume is meant to be) 'she repeated his name under her breath'
-'reframed' in one sentence should be 'refrained'
-'grief is a deep well that can bring out the worse in people' in that sentence 'worse' should be 'worst'
| SailorPegasi chapter 83 . 9/10
I hope Jeff the killer gets wats coming to him I really do on the other hand where is the so called princess gonna show up
| A Random Guy chapter 83 . 9/5
(pressed post before I was finished, that's what I get for being on mobile...)
Doesn't detract from the experience at all. I am actually thinking of going back through all of the previous chapters as I simply can't wait for the next. Is Jeff gonna bite the dust! I hope so, "Jeff's Last Stand" has me going!
But seriously tho, is that guy seriously good enough to take on multiple Warriors? Or will they be "uninvolved"? I hope not, Mina deserves some revenge.
Keep it up,
| A Random Guy chapter 83 . 9/5
Everything just got real.
I'll summarize my thoughts: "Yay Mina's not a murderous maniac! Yay Metallia is awake! Ya- oh Jesus it's Jeff. That guy creeps me right out."
It's funny, even though what Metallia did to those poor souls is disturbing and sad as hell, its Jeff that really gives me tingles :(
That last part where Beryl thinks "What is wrong with that child?"... Do I see a seam starting to show? Also with Kunzite, he's definitely turning at some point. Probably more likely dying while trying to be a good guy. Same goes for Beryl.
As always, perfectly executed. A few words were misplaced and made reading a bit difficult (a few "the"s and similar words were... misplaced), but it doesnt
| Puffgirl1952 the 2nd chapter 83 . 9/5
| A Random Guy chapter 82 . 9/5
What luck! Literally the second I check your story its been updated. Ha!
Oh? You uploaded TWO chapters!? Why ye... I love you.
Typing on mobile though, I'll leave my review after I read through _both_ chapters. There goes another 3 hours of my life!