Reviews for Brothers In Spirit
JessamyGriffith chapter 3 . 5/24/2012
I am sorry I am slow doing feedback! This is a nice twist in the story, it has good pacing! A male voice, oh really?

The English again seems great, the only thing that stood out was, 'Good evening, mom!' but I think it just sounded a bit formal for an American kid. (Of course, maybe the Partridge family sounded like this all the time, I don't know!) I would say, just "Hi, mom," or "Hey, mom!" after I came back from school or whatever. I am a casual, casual person.

The story is looking good!
JessamyGriffith chapter 2 . 5/8/2012
Again with the 'review' to say, (beta-reading) that everything looks great in this chapter too! I'd only switch one thing, which is the, 'Can I help you?' line, mainly because it sounded like what a shop clerk would ask a customer. A good alternative phrase might be, "What's on your mind?" or "Is there something bothering you? Can I help?"(if you want the idea of Mom wanting to do something to make her son feel better?)
JessamyGriffith chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
Hey, it's me!

I figured I would review chapter by chapter, day by day.

No, I would not have known it wasn't written by a non-native, it's great! I think there was only one sentence I'd change just so it went more smoothly.

For example, I would've done this line - "'Hi, Laurie,' he greeted her, threw the keys on a plate and hung his jacket in the wardrobe.' as ''Hi, Laurie,' he greeted her, throwing the keys on a plate and hanging his jacket in the wardrobe.' since the speech is doubtless happening at the same time he is moving to put his jacket up. But it's only one sentence! So obviously your writing is good - relax! Be happy.

'Here's the receiver, it's still warm.' For some reason this line charms me. I think because it imparts an immediacy to the situation. It's a nice little detail.

I can't really comment on the Partidge family storyline too much, I have to admit that by the time it finished airing I was 1 year old... so I don't know much about it. A musical family sitcom, according to Wiki! Amazing that you are doing fan fic for it.
Goldleaf83 chapter 7 . 5/5/2012
I'm glad you finished this. Danny's inquistiveness was absolutely right for his character, and Laurie's impatience with him was also dead on. I thought your resolution was interesting, with Keith feeling insecure over his own talent from having watched someone else he admires who is highly talented in a different area and wants to collaborate with him. Alex does a nice job in reassuring Keith, understanding where his feelings of inadequacy are coming from and giving him the push he needs to start working on his own material again. I'll be their collaboration will turn out just fine.

Your friend Silvia sounds like she was much the same kind of friend for you that Alex is for Keith. It sounds like she's gone now: if that's the case, I'm sorry for your loss. This story is a lovely dedication and way to honor her and remember her.
Queen S of Randomness 016 chapter 7 . 4/29/2012

awesome ending! - :)
That70sGirl99 chapter 7 . 4/29/2012
Thanks for updating! I'm glad everything got solved!
That70sGirl99 chapter 6 . 4/27/2012
Thats interesting! I hope you updates soon!
Queen S of Randomness 016 chapter 6 . 4/27/2012

hmm... looks like we're getting closer to figuring out what's going on...

another awesome chapter! i can't wait to read more! - :)
That70sGirl99 chapter 5 . 4/26/2012
This is very interesting! You got Danny down well here! I could picture him following Keith and trying to figure out whats going on in his life! This story is defiantly going somewhere! Please update soon! :O)
Queen S of Randomness 016 chapter 5 . 4/26/2012

hmmm... i wonder what's going on...

another awesome chapter! i can't wait to read more! - :)
That70sGirl99 chapter 4 . 4/25/2012
I wonder who is with Keith? And what is Friday? I hope the family finds out Keith's secret! Or maybe he is mad at them for some reason? Please update soon!
That70sGirl99 chapter 3 . 4/25/2012
Interesting! I wonder if this has to do with a project? Or if he is hanging out with other girls and is mad at his girlfriend?
Goldleaf83 chapter 4 . 4/25/2012
Still quite the mystery! Both in terms of what's going on and why Keith's so upset about it. But the characters are all very well written: they sound very much like themselves on the TV show (especially Danny's comment at the end of chapter 3). I like the bit where we see Shirley's perception of her son as he's playing the board game with his younger siblings, the contrast of his usual style of playing with what he's doing at that moment. Danny's determination at the end of chapter 4 to find out what's happening could come straight from the tv series! Your writing is very fluent and natural sounding, by the way!
Queen S of Randomness 016 chapter 4 . 4/25/2012

hmm... interesting...

another awesome chapter! i hope u update soon! - :)
Queen S of Randomness 016 chapter 3 . 4/24/2012

interesting start! i hope u update soon! - :)
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