Reviews for Fire Emblem The Casting Shadow
Cormag Ravenstaff chapter 1 . 7/7
It's a hard thing to do, write an original FE story. I've never seen anyone do it successfully, except EmblemQueen and she used some characters we know. Congrats for finishing this though! You have impressive drive for what was unfortunately a ratger ignored story. Kudos to you!
Guest chapter 7 . 6/6
FangLethe
Eravel chapter 1 . 11/21/2012
Hiya, this is my first ever review xD Anyway, great story. It's one of my favourites out of the stories Oedipus Rex, Tactics of the Stones, A Brilliant Mind and Tales of a Hero and Half-Dragon. I can't really pinpoint what exactly I like about this story, but oh well, onwards. My only real gripe are the typos and various technical errors. Good story, just with alot of technical stuff that could use fixing. I'm a stickler for that stuff, so apologies in advance if I sound harsh. Okay, here is a list I compiled, it's a tad large. Chapter 1: "look at em, each one weighs 2 or more stones" You can capitalize the L and stick a comma at the end. "then it's anyone's guess" Capitalize. "The clocked figure" Clocked is cloaked (I think) and the "haft" is supposed to be half. "there fellow bandits" (Like their fellow bandits) "Bax was haft right" (HaftHalf) "Her wolf ears" (HereHer) "not with the other 17" (Just before the not, I think there should be a comma.) "He approached her slowly" (isHis) "Readies her knives" (Readied, instead) "pieced by a sword" (Pierced, or it could be impaled by Quint) "got you now" Capitalize. "she sot" (SotShot) "like a proud loin" (loinlion?) I might review through your other chapters, if you want me to. The only other thing I'd like to say is that I agree with other reviewers about Shadow. Maybe you could do something that could make her stand out from other characters of the similar archetype? Sorry, but no ideas here ._. Keep up the good work! *Goes back to reading the fic.*
Zorkandpals321 chapter 10 . 9/13/2012
Congrats on 100,000 :D and what no credit for my spell check? :o :( i like the dream attack idea though! Keep it up
Zorkandpals321 chapter 3 . 8/12/2012
Did you intend lords of the east in the start of the chapter? Because fleeing west to escape the lords of the west doesnt really seem to flow well. Unless you are gonna add multiple continents :D but it may get confusing, you mentioned possibly making a map in a previous chapter? If you still have that motivation it would make reading a lot easier to follow their journey if we had a link to see the world
rnn21 chapter 7 . 7/25/2012
Man, nice chapter. Really liked the merchant info part of it, remembered me of Spice and Wolf
FIckerkdn chapter 1 . 7/6/2012
I like this. The fighting scenes were smooth and the dialogue was very interesting. Details were great and there were no major errors. Great job :)
Zorkandpals321 chapter 1 . 7/6/2012
Very cool! Good premise, but you mentioned a civil war? Is it about to start or already going on? I think it shoulda been specified, and it was relatively well written, just lots of spelling errors and missing words, please try to go over that or i canz edit :D meh very well rounded though, please dont overpower these characters :o
Guest chapter 2 . 6/28/2012
let me explain a bit more why I dislike Shadow. First off the name is almost on a level of campyness(is that even a word?) It sounds more like a 11 year old's gamertag than a real name(or a stupid fake hedgehog). Even a fictional race in a fictional world.

Second is she is quite predictable and cliched, I'm going to go ahead and guess she has a pass full of racism and/or lost her family early forcing her to adapt as a theif/loner.

Third I'm getting the feeling we are going to see a slow building romantic relationship between Quint and Shadow. Please don't do that, it very obvious and cliche.

Sorry about being so rough on you and making so many assumtions. Prove me wrong, and that not to say I don't like the rest of the story. The civil war could be much better than the average FE plot of "evil country B is invading peacefull country A to unleash ancient evil and along they way we get help.
also sorry if I double post, its not appearing on the reviews
Guest chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
let me explain a bit more why I dislike Shadow. First off the name is almost on a level of campyness(is that even a word?) It sounds more like a 11 year old's gamertag than a real name(or a stupid fake hedgehog). Even a fictional race in a fictional world.

Second is she is quite predictable and cliched, I'm going to go ahead and guess she has a pass full of racism and/or lost her family early forcing her to adapt as a theif/loner.

Third I'm getting the feeling we are going to see a slow building romantic relationship between Quint and Shadow. Please don't do that, it very obvious and cliche.

Sorry about being so rough on you and making so many assumtions. Prove me wrong, and that not to say I don't like the rest of the story. The civil war could be much better than the average FE plot of "evil country B is invading peacefull country A to unleash ancient evil and along they way we get help from countries C,D,E and even some from B"
Guest chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
Alright let me elebrate about why I dislike the Shadow character, Twilight already said the basic. She's kinda predicable character and I can already guess that she has a past full of racism, and lost or was sperated from her family at a young age. And her name is kinda is almost campy too me. Sounds like a 12 years old gamertag, not a name of a real person even if she is laguz. Also I have a feeling there is going to be a slow build romantic intersting bewteen shadow and Quint(perpahs as a refernce to the support system). Please don't go down that road. Its so obivous and cliche. Sorry for being harsh, but hey prove me wrong and make her a better character than I give you credit for. I like it so far. A civil war could be better than the typical FE plot of "evil country B invades peacefull country A to unlock ancient evil and along the way we get help from countrys C,D,E"
Guest chapter 5 . 6/28/2012
Nice story,keep it up. But the "shadow" character is an over used cliche
Gunlord500 chapter 1 . 4/27/2012
Hey man! Just wanted to drop by and tell you this is some good stuff. Not related to a specific FE game, like you say, but really good in how it captures the FE feel. :thumbsup:
TheTwilightRurouni chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
Phew, first review for me in a while, and I can't think of a better fic to review! I see from your profile you just joined, and this is your first story: one of my favorite combinations. I see Sentury already reviewed your story, and I have to agree with what he said. He does a pretty good job of maintaining the front page all by himself, haha.

Anyway, onto the review. I would say in general the story is starting off well. Quint is an interesting character, I like how he seems to be travel-savvy and able to take care of himself, but isn't completely cynical. Rushing to the help of a stranger was a little odd, but I think it makes sense if Quint was just curious, and I find the possibility fascinating that he may not have helped at all if he didn't find the victim interesting. The way he said he just wanted to watch, it makes me wonder if he is the kind of person who could do such a thing. Such characters, for me, are the most complex.

Shadow was a bit predictable as a character archetype, but that's not to say she's a bad character. The mysterious, unique, and independent loner is an oft written character that many don't write well, but it all depends on where you take it from here. I think it would add to her character immensely if you took some time to explain her name; too many authors pick names just because they sound cool, which for many readers has the opposite effect. Be careful with her, look up the term Mary Sue so you know what not to do. And then be even MORE careful, haha. A lot of writers, myself included, have written Mary Sues even though they know what to look for.

Bax was cool, I like that guy. I'm assuming his name is a combination of "big" and "ax"? It made me laugh. I imagined he got his nickname from that being the last thing his opponents said before dying. "B'ax-"

The dialogue was good too, it a had a snappy feel to it, a kind of back and forth banter that was fun to read.

That said, there were some problems, mostly with editing. There were grammar mistakes and typos everywhere, and a quick edit would take care of most of them easily. Besides that, occasionally a description seemed stiff and clumsy, as if it was written to just get it out of the way instead of pull the reader into the scene. For that, all I can say is you'll get better with time, just be sure to keep the reader in mind, and consider how they will see the story world being built.

Overall, very interesting. I like it, was surprised to see it had nothing to do with any established Fire Emblem world, and am wondering where it will go. Write on.

Twilight Rurouni
Sentury chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
Okay, let me start by saying that this is an excellent first fic. Most often the first try at writing is average at best, but you have some good core mechanics here. So I'm going to try and leave you a pretty extensive review to try and work out some kinks you've got, like other authors have done (and are still doing) for me.

1) There are numerous proof reading and grammatical errors in this fic. At the very start of this you use "hide" when you mean to use "hid" which can be very off putting since they're at the start of the fic and you haven't established a firm hold on the reader. Aside from that though you have missing words and mistaken tenses which I would try and pay closer attention to in the future.

2) The wording of this seems awkward at times: " Bax grunted and added" might be better with "Bax grunted before adding" or "Bax grunted, then added. Its not a huge problem and maybe more of personal preference, but I still think that there were some spots you could have worded things a little bit better to have a better flow.

3)From a plot perspective this is pretty generic and I fail to see why your hero jumped at the opportunity to save another person in such a dire situation. Yes, Fire Emblem is about heroic characters who jump to the aid of the less fortunate, and tha'ts fine, but maybe more of an internal battle where he kind of thinks twice about what he's doing or displays more sympathy towards the character. Although I will admit that you may be able to explain this later and it does add some mystic to his persona.

4) Now the good! See I wasn't going to depress you by saying just bad stuff. You actually show some really great promise with this work. I mean for a story that I thought I was going to hate (a made up Fire Emblem) you actually drew my interest extremely well. Your descriptions of your hero were nice and the way you described his pulling out the arrow was excellent. I also got a real feel for Bax and what his little tavern/inn place was. And to be honest, you've actually got some really good potential as a writer, I mean I don't know how long you've been writing, and I'm fairly young for this site, but you're a lot better than me when I started out on my first fic, probably better than me now hahah. And that core writing potential makes the improvement all that much easier.

All in all you've got a great story going here, but you may want to try taking an extra minute or two proof reading and write some one shots to get some other opinions and hone your writing.

Hope I wasn't too mean or harsh! I was just trying to be honest and helpful! I look forward to seeing more from you!