|Reviews for See|
| Shadow'sDelight chapter 1 . 2/9/2015
Wow, this is really, really good! I loved reading this.
| naglisnatalie chapter 1 . 11/6/2012
Wow. This was so touching :') I really liked the message behind this. Great story!
| CatX3 chapter 1 . 5/22/2012
Truly amazing. :) your detail was perfect, it's as if I could see the story
| rene10 chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
This was really sweet, and you made a really good point with it as well. Nice job.
| AlwaysNinja chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
This. Was AMAZING! I loved it! I could totally see Daisy doing that! You have to write more! :D
| Future Fantasy Writer chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
This was so sweet! It totally sounds like something Daisy would do. I loved your description, and the dialogue seemed very realistic.
I do want to call attention to a few sentences, though, that you could have worded differently, in a way that would be less awkward:
"The girl's stomach growled, causing her to stop walking and look around in embarrassment, hoping nobody heard it." This would probably be better phrased as: "The girl's stomach growled. She stopped walking and looked around in embarrassment, hoping nobody heard it." I say this because it is better to keep as much of it in the past tense as you can. Also, although the actions are linked, you don't need to state it directly.
Also, another example is, "Sighing, the girl continued walking, drops hitting her becoming more and more abusive to her skin." This is a bit confusing. WHAT is becoming more and more abusive to her skin? We know it's the drops, but you listed two verbs directly together, interrupting the flow of the sentence. You could have said, "Sighing, the girl continued walking. As the drops hit her, they gradually became more and more abusive to her skin." Okay, that was a bad example, but you seem smarter than I am. You can figure it out.
Do you see what I'm trying to do with these sentences? It's not really a big deal, but I thought I'd offer my help.
Oh, another thing I really liked: you kept referring to Daisy as "the girl," and didn't reveal her identity until she introduced herself to Luigi. Yes, we could guess that it was Daisy by the "orange shirt," but you still kept an element of mystery, for lack of a better word.
Okay, so that's done. Time to read your other stories now. :) Thanks for sharing this!
| Verran chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
I enjoyed this piece. I found it well written, visually strong and atmospheric. It was interesting to see these two characters meeting for the first time and how they reacted to one another. But it wasn't that it featured Daisy and Luigi that made this story shine for me. It was the way she demonstrated her ideals, the way she stated her case, and how he offered no resistance to her argument and lowered his umbrella as if in submission. This fic would work just as well if it were an original fic starring OCs.
Thanks for a great read.
| nene1234 chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
I like the daisy and luigi part but i love the point you made. i think you're right about trying to raise awareness too. ~princess out~