|Reviews for Oboro no Zetsubo: Desperation of the Demon Blade|
| zshdvohfdslo chapter 1 . 7/20/2013
Wow! Please continue!
| Ragnarok chapter 1 . 10/28/2012
It's sad that while Vanillaware's games are great, they aren't very well known, or get much attention. That's probably why no one else has reviewed this. Both Odin Sphere and this game need more love.
| Angel Peach Blossom chapter 1 . 5/26/2012
I got to say, this first chapter impresses me! It is a very good thing to see something like this, especially from one that is new! You packed a lot of detail and emotion!
I do want to get some negatives out of the way first. Understand, this is my opinion, but I don't think the wielders of the demon blades would come together. I never really saw that vibe. I think if they did come together, all they would do is try to kill the others in trying to get more of the blades. That's just my thought, though!
Second, some paragraphs were a bit on the lengthy side. You had great detail, but you also had a lot more than was needed at times. The one thing you need to be careful of is how much detail you use. You need a good amount, but not too much. You don't want to bore your readers.
Finally, at the start of the chapter, you just put 'he' right away. Now of course, players of the game should know it's Kisuke off the bat. But as a story narrative, unless it is meant to make them more mysterious, it makes more sense to mention a name, or at least the look of the one who spoke at the start.
This next bit isn't anything for negatives, but it is some advice. Like you mentioned at the beginning, it would make more sense if the readers played the game first. But the truth is, however, that some people will actually read stories on fandoms they don't know. I've done it before, and I know others have as well. So, I recommend that you still use some good, strong detail. It is always a good thing to do as it helps with your writing and helps others see the world around them. A teacher of mine has told me to treat others like they don't know, because you never know who will read it. Think of it like an original work. No one knows the world in your head except you. And while others do know the world of Muramasa, it is still a good way to pull in those readers.
With that out of the way, I must say that I am impressed with this! I can tell you put a lot of thought into this! There is so much effort here, and I salute you for that!
Spelling and grammar are good as well!
And while I don't like the premise as much, because I see more death involved than anything, I can tell that you would be able to write it in a very convincing way!
Good luck to you!