|Reviews for Bountiful Harvest|
| SeoulGamer chapter 1 . 4/25/2012
What kind of story did you intend to tell when you wrote this?
I'm asking because this is a very different kind of oneshot than what I often read in this section. By and large, there seems to be little in the way of any kind of crisis, new discovery or personal growth on the part of the cast of characters. Of course, not all stories need to be high drama or hilarious comedy to be worthwhile, but while it's a nice insight into your character's daily Myrrh-collecting routine, it doesn't really grab my interest or rouse my emotions. In other words, I find myself wondering what the point of the whole thing was.
I say "I" where I would normally use the phrase "the reader"; I personally don't find a story about caravanners ambling about their daily business with nothing more interesting happening than gathering a bit of loot particularly enjoyable. If there was something a little more compelling behind the caravanner's desire to line their pockets-such as preparing to arm themselves for a severe upcoming challenge or raising funds for medical treatment for a family member-then I might be interested. However, there's no real problem to be solved, we don't really get any kind of deeper insight into the characters, nothing really happens.
I'm always reluctant to criticise the writer's purpose rather than their style or technique, because the inspiration one aims at is so personal and individual. That said, I think it would be no harm to be a little more imaginative with each scenario, to develop them a little more before you write them and try to think outside of the box. For example, that story about Ragnarok. David seriously just gets a copy of the design for Ragnarok through the post? Frankly, I think a much more, well, exciting or intriguing tale could be spun about how he acquired the weapon. Perhaps the near death of a fellow caravanner inspired him to seek out more power so he could protect them; perhaps there is a darker side to this and he risks his life when at Rebena Te Ra trying to obtain this rare treasure.
Of course, you might not want to go down the action route (the aforementioned plot could come across as clichéd if not done correctly) but my point is that you could have been a little more adventurous with the concept of "the end of the world". Receiving a letter from a friend that I hadn't seen in a while isn't exactly my idea of apocalyptic.
Again, I don't mean to squash your muses, whatever they may be, I only intend to give advice as to how I think you could improve. If these oneshots are exactly what you want to write, don't let me stop you-it's great that someone is completing as many of their bingo prompts as you are. But, in the way of useful feedback, this is the best I can give.