|Reviews for Desperation|
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/22/2013
| badkidoh chapter 1 . 4/25/2012
it was good.
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/25/2012
Hm. Well, this is going to be like all my other comments, I guess. I like your dialogue, it's your strong point and a very good one.
I think you're doing pretty well with little bits of action-lowering eyes, placing a hand on someone's arm, speaking urgently- and they serve their purpose. If I were to pick out one thing that I think you could improve on, though, it would be making a few more of those little actions a bit bolder. I would keep the 'not meeting her eyes,' and the little gestures that go along with talking, but throw in a few more of the 'the grip on her arm tightened' bits of action.
Now that I've made my point as clear as mud,
Nice story. Keep up the good work.
| spike1395 chapter 1 . 4/25/2012
"[W]hat a terrible thing it is to do to someone, letting them think another man's child is their own."
But it doesn't compare to what Mondego did when Mercédès was fully aware of his... promiscuity, and I still can't see her as the bad guy.