|Reviews for The Fate of Foxface|
| Cinna and his Clothes chapter 1 . 8/8/2013
I really love this, please write more!
| Sami chapter 1 . 3/14/2013
Great story! Now I like FoxFace (or Finch) at least 10 times more. :)
| Aeyra chapter 1 . 7/18/2012
Okay, I like the feelings you put into this (the pity for the other families in the beginning, her fear for her brother and friend, the contempt for the Capitol), I also like the details, but there are some things that could use improvement as well. There are a few inconsistencies- one time, you mention Finch having only one slip and then you move it up to four (the correct number.), but those are okay, there's not too many of them.
I think what the story needs is a bit more... it's hard to say exactly what, but if I were to try and say it, I would go for 'characterization.' There's not too much here that jumps out at me and says 'Yes, this is the Foxface I know from the books!' I know the books didn't give her much of a character, but it would help if you made her act a little more coy, more intelligent, a bit more mysterious. That would help the readers better identify Finch as the Foxface we all know from the original Hunger Games. (of course, if the change is a big part of your storyline, you should leave it as is, but a bit more to identify her would be very useful.)
Also, this chapter could use some length. There's not too much substance to it. You painted out the outlines of her family, her daily life, but that's what it seems to be- an outline. I loved how you showed her loving relationship with her little brother (it reminds me of Katniss and Prim), but maybe some interaction with her parents and older brother would be welcome too. It would also help show some characterization- does she accept their comforting "Don't worry, it won't be you" or does she just shrug it off like she already knows it?
It'd also be great if you added onto the ending a little bit, give us more of a reason to yell 'NEXT CHAPTER NOOOOOOOW!' It'd be great to see a little bit more of her reaction afterwards, just a couple of words, like '"Finch Nightside!" At the sound of my name, I freeze.' It'd be better to describe her feelings in this chapter rather than the next in my opinion, or at least try to hold out the moment a little bit longer. That way, we feel the suspense more despite already knowing exactly what's going to happen.
So overall, this was a pretty good first chapter, though it could use with improvement, as with any piece of writing. The main thing you want to work on is characterization, but some more details would be good as well. I'll be waiting for another chapter!
Proud Member of Critics United
| FireBreadandSnares chapter 1 . 6/16/2012
I like how you wrote the story in a way that I believe Katniss would have wrote it. You get what I mean, right? Well anyways, I love how you have so much detail in what you right. However, I do think that you could have kind of exploded the moment somehow, and did it more on how Foxface felt about it (w,w,w,w,w, the five senses, etc.) But other than that, I really liked it and can't wait until I can read the next chapter!
Keep the updates coming,
| Red Crayon Embassy chapter 1 . 6/1/2012
I really like this, but I wish you had expanded on the past of foxface a bit more, I think your writing is awesome and would love to hear more about that. :)
| StrawberryAngel143 chapter 1 . 5/19/2012
I looooove it. But i dont see Foxface as a Finch. I dunno why, i just dont. oh and guess what? I made my brother tally up all my hits on all twelve stories and the number of people who dread my stories was over 68 million! AHAAHAHAH! I'm so happy! Good story, but write more wouldja?
| FoxfaceIsBeast chapter 1 . 5/8/2012
I LOVE this! And I love how you used Foxface's movie name, too!