|Reviews for Yogensha|
| zinni chapter 2 . 5/19/2013
I like the story it's good.
| Renaerys chapter 2 . 1/19/2013
So I opted to read this here instead of on your tumblr because I really like the review system. So here I go blithering away. :)
I LOVE how you characterize Karin. It's pretty obvious even in these two short chapters that you've spent a great deal of time and energy thinking about how she could have started out and evolved into what we see in canon. I think what you have here is very convincing and satisfying. I really believe this could be her past. She starts off scared and unsure, but even the small outbursts in the second chapter are indicative of the personality she'll arm herself with to survive Sound and Orochimaru. It's fitting that Sasuke would have a hand in this, and I can only imagine that later chapters would further support that evolution. I loved her familiarity with revenge and her ultimate decision not to get involved. I think this would truly put her in a unique position to understand Sasuke's decision to actively pursue it, even though it's not the decision she made for herself. This is very well done. Karin is the overwhelming strength of this fic.
Another thing I really liked is your poetic language. A couple things that stood out to me vividly: 1) the theme of two deaths and Sasuke's simple yet deeply moving affirmation that he "knows" her, so she's not a specter; and 2) the comparison of blood to water, and how the former spilled doesn't breed new life. Sometimes people go overboard with literary devices (weird metaphors, anyone?), but yours are perfect. They fit with the fic, aren't jarring, and add a deeper understanding than simply stating the obvious. They add beauty to this story.
Thirdly, I loved the subtle parallels between Karin and Sakura. I'm assuming you did this on purpose since it happened twice, and I wouldn't put it past a great writer like you. The first time, he tells her not to call him "Sasuke-kun". I wasn't sure at first since he explains that he just didn't need any formalities from her, but I immediately thought about Sakura's penchant for calling him "Sasuke-kun". The second time is Karin's self-inflicted haircut, done for very different reasons than Sakura's haircut, but just as shocking. Sasuke tells her to stop because it's pointless. Again, this stood out in stark contrast to the feeling of Sakura cutting her hair when fighting Kin Tsuchi, which she did to prove her worth as a kunoichi. In contrast, with Karin it's like hacking off her hair will cut away the despair she's been feeling. Sakura's was an affirmation of strength, and Karin's seems to come from a place of darkness and anguish, which I see as something Sasuke can truly understand even if he doesn't admit it outright. I just really like the black and white feeling here. Am I reading too much into it? I tend to do that. :)
I do have a few pieces of concrit, which I will disclaim by saying that this is a fantastic piece of writing that is by no means diminished by potential areas that could use improvement or rethinking. For one, I could go for more contractions in the dialogue. I'll be the first to admit that I am 100% guilty of avoiding contractions because of the academic writing I'm so used to, so I've had to force myself into this habit some. But reading the dialogue aloud without contractions seems a bit unnatural, since people use them a lot. Just a thought.
The other thing is Sasuke's dialogue. I think he speaks a little too much in this. I'm specifically talking about his explanations to Karin about Orochimaru/Sound/etc. when they first find her in chapter 1. I don't see him as the type to lay everything out so obviously like that; rather, I think he'd make his point in as few words as possible. For example, when he said, "But I know you," that was absolutely perfect. We get the exact feeling he's conveying-that Karin isn't dead, she's not forgotten, and she needs to stop beating herself down on this point-in only four words. That is so Sasuke, I think. Karin even mentions in chapter 2 that she doesn't think Sasuke likes talking, which I think is accurate. He doesn't talk too much in chapter 2, and what he does say is justified. It was really just in chapter 1 that I thought it was a little much.
As for Orochimaru, we didn't see much of him but I thought he could be a little more mysterious/creepy. I think it's too early to tell at this point, but in later chapters maybe that's something to think about. He strikes me as insidious, enjoying watching people squirm just because he can. He's like a twisted scientist who likes to experiment for the sole purpose of enriching his own selfish understanding. I'm interested to see where you take him in this, since I suspect he'll be a big supporting role in future chapters at the Sound base.
Again, none of the (very minor) concrit reduces the worth of this story in the making. I really enjoyed this, especially since it's hard to find a well-characterized Karin. Looking forward to more of this! :)
| Darkrai chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
Nice job keeping them in character. It was really good, you should do another one.