|Reviews for Burnt|
| Ferretess xxx chapter 1 . 5/4/2012
This pairing is pretty cool, actually. Great job :)
| alicekinsno1 chapter 1 . 4/27/2012
This was certainly an interesting read. The way you describe Flint's overwhelming passion for Roark felt quite engaging-his desire seems very real, the way it's written on the page. It does make Flint seem really creepy, though, that he's so obsessed with Roark he literally craves him like a drug and can't perform his duties without him, and it doesn't seem like the sort of thing that would exactly make for a healthy relationship, no matter how much Roark may like him back. It's possible that that was intentional, and if so, that makes the whole thing more interesting, but I don't think most normal relationships work that way.
A few of the situations were a little hard for me to believe. First of all, it's hard for me to imagine that Flint could escape from his duties on a regular basis and go all the way over to Oreburgh for the day, even if he was riding his Rapidash. You would think the rest of the Elite Four would try to stop him from doing that, since he's technically neglecting his official duties. I'm also not quite sure what I think of the idea that Flint and Roark regularly engage in hot romantic sessions in Roark's own gym, when there's the possibility the other rock-type trainers might see or Roark might get a challenger. I guess you could make the case that romance doesn't have to be completely realistic, but I would have appreciated if a little more thought had been put into explaining how some of these things can happen.
One final point I will make about the story is that it seems like it should be longer, especially since towards the end you seem to be setting up a love triangle involving Volkner. Is that your intention? If you weren't planning to make it longer it might help if you removed the line involving Volkner's similar obsessive love.
That being said, the story appears to be written well overall-the language is generally poetic and technically competent, though it seems as though some of the bigger words are used a bit strangely, so you might want to be a little more careful with those in the future. For example: "adrenaline infusing his veins" is a very odd use of the word "infuse," which is generally used to describe flavors being added to a base in liquid, or whatever.
I definitely think this story has potential, however, and I encourage you to keep writing.