|Reviews for Coming Clean|
| Yui Tamashi chapter 1 . 12/17/2013
| Tamagoakura chapter 1 . 12/8/2013
Normally I can't stand Tooru but I'm really liking her somewhat sexually domineering attitude in here. It's not excessive or harsh, but it really doesn't leave much room for Yuuko to complain. I hope you're still working on this, I'm interested to see where it's going.
| Dummy Perception chapter 1 . 10/20/2013
-zomg that was i don't know like somethin i don't know how to take!-
that was good, I guess? Although Tooru felt a little less adorable here, but I could totally see Yuuko being a submissive type.
| YurigirlzCrush chapter 1 . 10/15/2013
this was really cute! *smiles* it's been a while since I've watched A-Channel but from what I remember, this all fits pretty well with the characters and how they act. and actually the whole scene with Tooru staring at Yuuko while they were alone together and how it made her feel made me smile a lot.
I also give kudos for the way the little fanservicey bit at the end was handled. a little awkward given that Tooru was doing it just as an apology, but still written in a way that was a little sexy, sensitively handled, and clear enough to enjoy without being needlessly explicit. *blushes* not that there's anything wrong with explicit, but yeah. this was done nicely. *smiles*
also, side note, I like some of the imagery you use. there were some really creative lines in there that made me smile, like the bit about swatting the thought away like a loud, trivial fly, or the one about her heart skipping a beat, sometimes two for good measure. I appreciate little things like that. so... kudos! nice work. *smiles*
| Masato Nakajima chapter 1 . 9/29/2013
Love it :D
| The Man chapter 1 . 7/16/2013
To be honest, I'm just as lost as Yuuko. Good story though.
| Kali Kuchiki chapter 1 . 7/28/2012
Nice oneshot! very well writen!
though' i'm kinda sad that there isn't many Yuuko/Tooru fics, or more A channel fics :L
| PsychedelicMisfit chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
Lol I could definatly see Tooru being rough when it come to unman, sex. Lol great short story and I'm sorry about what your friend is going through hope she get better
| angel0wonder chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
Nice. A joy to read, as usual. Even if I've never seen this particular anime the characters were distinctive enough for me to understand their personalities pretty quickly. Yuuko was adorable, floundering in her own thoughts the whole fic. I thought her confusions and conclusions to those confusions were played out in an amusing manner.
"I think of Tooru as more than just a friend.
The thought was swatted away like a loud, trivial fly, and came back just a quickly as one.
I think I like Tooru."
How convenient to get that thought right before you hit the baths with that person! That being said, Tooru sure is a thoughtful friend when it comes to apologizing XD. Love the fanservice, hell, I live for moments like these. The moment a shower head was mentioned, I grinned. Then the shower head was used and I was wishing for my own detachable shower head.. *ahem* Dude, I've said it before, but you got talent when it comes to writing smutty things. I would know I've, like, read your BRS fic. And stuff. *smiles innocently*
"Yuuko in her immobilized state couldn't do much, especially not with her brain functions melting down into basic life support." Dat freaking feel.
And I know it's not gonna happen, but a sequel is completely needed so Yuuko can return the favor with another household object! Like a vibrating toothbrush! Or, Oh! One of those chairs! That does stuff! Y'know, the sexy chairs! That... shut up XD It just needs to happen one way or the other.
| RPPuzzle chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
Hmm…the note “haven’t been” and “still can’t” in context is bull, but otherwise… A better person hm? Doubtful. If telling yourself you’re on my side makes you feel better, by all means feel that way.
Well right off the bat the situation doesn’t make sense. If Yuuko was meeting up with Tooru at Tooru’s house to go see Run, why would she go to Tooru’s house so early? They’re going to both leave together to go visit Run right?
Your writing’s good, but save that BRS fic, it’s nothing to gush over. So let’s see 3 misused/unneeded words, 2 annoying vague antecedents (one being remedied when reading more along), 1 stupid sentence and 1-2 poorly worded sentences in the same paragraph, 2 places that needed better word choice, 1 missing verb, 2 caps problems, 1 tense error, 1 wrong word used it needs the antonym. I’ve noticed some of your sentences you were saying it one way, then forgot you were saying it that way so the connectors make no sense, but the reader gets what way you were trying to word it. Happens in all the stories I read that you write tis a strange phenomenon.
Also I agree with Rhyno on the redundancy of some thoughts in the first part of the story. And I’d say Yuuko’s thoughts are a bit forced/unconvincing and not led up to all that well to begin with. For some reason I feel like both Yuuko and Tooru are OOC as the reactions feel like something they wouldn’t necessarily do/say. Then again I haven’t seen all of A-Channel for a month or two now.
For instance, I suppose given the premise that Yuuko thinks Tooru has romantic feelings for her, she might explode that way. But I dunno I wonder if it’d make more sense that she really couldn’t process what was really said or going on that she wouldn’t be sure what the heck Tooru was going to do. May have been more interesting if she remained conscious is all.
Also Yuuko’s an idiot for not knowing that maybe Tooru wouldn’t laugh, but she would stare at Yuuko in a way that’d make her feel unbearably awkward.
And in what way did Yuuko’s heart skip a beat after Tooru glanced at her after hearing her name? Could’ve been with unease, fear, trepidation, nerves (though what kind), romantically, etc. Aaahh ok…it was purposely ambiguous. That tactic was way overused in this story…
Oh come on! “Tooru had probably always been really close to Run, and it was perfectly natural to her. But Yuuko's careless question had made Tooru self-conscious about it, and now the short girl didn't want to do anything that could be misinterpreted.” *snaps fingers* What the heck I thought Tooru did this to continue to confuse Yuuko as if to say: see told you we’re just friends. Then again nah it works cause pushing Run away made Yuuko effectively paranoid about the consequences of her question.
Not sure how, where or why Yuuko suddenly feels that way about Tooru…that could’ve been expanded more.
“Perhaps if she could get her new-found secret off her chest, it wouldn't hurt so much.” The naïve fool… Also you failed to give a reason why Yuuko is scared to close her eyes to shampoo her hair. Explaining would make Tooru’s sneaking up on her much more le gasp for the reader. Other than that, that whole part just seems so…fanservice logic, which isn’t really that good of logic. Not sure why Yuuko would feel miserable given her sudden realization of feelings though…from my experience, she wouldn’t. And somehow hearing Tooru’s thoughts makes the whole thing so, soooooo creepy. Disregarding those thoughts though, from this point on: “As previously established, Yuuko's wasn't in any state to do much more than gasp and whimper” that is some superb arousal imagery props.
So like I was telling Denise, perhaps my praise of stuff is influenced by my emotions, but for the most part I stay objective on writing quality and if it’s disappointing or not very good, no matter how much I like or hate a person, I’ll let them know. Don’t believe me? You should see my brutal comments to Ry in the fanfic I beta’d for him. Poor guy *shakes head* need to work on being a bit more kind.
Also when I see good parts that were very notably well written, I let them know. There are about mmm 5 sentences or so that I found to paint an emotional picture very well, and they’re always a good commonplace in your stories, but there weren’t enough this time around. Think that BRS drained your descriptive powers due to the sheer saturation of it that story contained. So overall…found this fic disappointing and I got the feeling from it that it wasn’t terribly well thought out. Then again your mind was occupied by stupefying thoughts of certain activities, so it probably wasn’t capable of really working at peak condition save to write the part I gave you props on.
| Rhyno Holter chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
I'm very lucky I remember the few episodes of A Channel I watched... I should probably finish it.
Wow, you're... good at writing semi-smut. I was kind of, yeah I don't think I can say what happened in polite conversation. And hey, it's totally conceivable, based on what little I've seen of the show. That's two points.
Only slight problem I had was maybe some of the wording MIGHT have been redundant, but as I'm on my cell phone I can't use any examples so Idk I may just be crazy. Ah well, what else is new?
I love Tooru.