|Reviews for The between reality adventures|
| Nazo the Mysterious Hedgehog chapter 6 . 5/22
This was a good story
| Gracekim1 chapter 6 . 10/25/2013
Just so you all know, the reason why the lyoko warriors don't rember the battle with X.A.N.A. from this story from the last chapter during 'Atomic Grace' is because loads of allies had be virtualized and they hadn't been permanently scanned into the supercomputr; plus because the allies mildly forgot, the lyoko warriors' memory of it must have been erased by the return to the past. Bye for now!
| Crona's True Sorrow chapter 6 . 7/30/2013
I'm not sure.
This seems a bit familiar. Almost like I read it before. Anyways you should put a space after list something with a comma.
'The ferocious green beast was only three things; powerful, merciless, and unstoppable.'
There were frighteningly long paragraphs. New paragraphs are start when there is a new topic. This seems like the previous chapter mashed together with the next chapter. You may correct me if I'm wrong though.
| Crona's True Sorrow chapter 5 . 7/28/2013
Here I am.
Okay the characters seems to be really bland and flat. The lack of dialouge outside of stereotypical banter, seems to be a major cause for this. When describing huge fights it was like imagining a group of people basically creating a spirit bomb then trying to blow up the villians. So the fights scenes could be broken down into smaller segments. Instead of having whole teams fighting whole teams. But I guess that can't be helped with the teaming of several heroes/ villians. The problem in the story is pretty much the same; villian does something, heroes come and squash evil. Maybe a little variety is all I ask.
| Crona's True Sorrow chapter 4 . 7/27/2013
Well I can see the relation between 'Atomic Grace' and this fanfic.
There are a few things I could've said, but then I would be repeating myself. But I will do that anyways. Well you start a new paragraph every time there is a new speaker. Always read over what you written. And to plot out your story.
| Crona's True Sorrow chapter 3 . 7/26/2013
Well here we are again.
Okay well I've basically gave you all the advice I could actually give but repetition is a way to memorize something. So details is alsways nice to add. You may already do this, but make a new paragraph everytime a new topic is introduced. Third I would say to just keep writing, and have fun too.
| Crona's True Sorrow chapter 2 . 7/21/2013
Alrighty where to start?
Well as some else said earlier. How about trying to write in third person? It is a point of view that is written as if you are just watching everything, but you aren't in the story itself. Can you also refer to "Atomic Betty" as just "Betty". Same with "KP". With the addition of many characters from other cartoons it gets a little confusing, since not everyone has television when they were children or even watched much said television all that much. So next time try to stick with the 'verse you listed alright?
| Crona's True Sorrow chapter 1 . 7/16/2013
Okay well this is your first Fanfic and will be forgiven for not being your best now. Well as others said, it seems a tad bit farfetched overall. Kim's and Betty's reactions are quite unbelievable. Even though Kim and Betty are heroes they do not possess any actual super powers since they both use gadjets. Meaning the unusual to normal people will shock them. Besides that there are grammatical mistakes and mistakes in your punctuation. I suggest you read over everything throughly next time okay?
| Kyuubi No Tenshi chapter 6 . 5/14/2013
Low chaptered story with a lot of actual chapters in them and a heck load of characters. Bit more on the dialogue side and it would be great.
| Cori Shadowfang chapter 1 . 4/29/2013
One thing I've noticed about your stories thus far is that they seem to have plot ideas, but not enough fleshing out of the plot. If you're going to write a story, then you need to expand on points if you want to draw the reader in. For example, the explanation about how 'you' got to Kim Possible and Atomic Betty's worlds seemed rushed and uninteresting. Added to that, there wasn't much explanation as to why they should find and recruit 'you.' I would suggest majorly fleshing out each plot point and giving an actual reason for them finding 'you', and perhaps introducing tension between 'you' and the two characters. For example, you could have the characters wish to find you because of this unique ability to jump between worlds. If that ability is then further fleshed out - with faults thrown in to make it more interesting and offset the good points - and the plot and characters are given more depth, then you could have a very interesting story on your hands. However, you need to make sure the story is 'believable'; think of it like living the story rather than telling it. You need to show each event as it happens.
Another thing I feel the need to mention is that the main character seems to be an author insert character. While this isn't necessarily bad, many readers dislike this, and characters like this run a greater risk of being Mary Sues.
| sakura240 chapter 6 . 11/1/2012
Kura: Ok...you know...when you wrote bra in the other chapter, at first, I thought you meant by what girls wear...then you said what it really meant...yeah...I'm embarrassed...-/-
Kura: And hey, you know, I actually love how you do the , "If you don't tell me, you'll never see your friends again!" thing, probably cause I can never really do it that well...TT And again, your story really is amazing :D And sorry again for not being able to read it in a long...time...TT
Berry: ...very interesting story over all :)
Kura: Hmm, have you ever tried writing in third person? like as if you're not really telling the story as if you're in it? But rather as if it's just a story? Like instead of me, or I, like just writing your real name? I was jsut wondering because it's been a while since I've read any stories like this :) But again, it's very amazing and I really like it XD
Berry: And again...sorry for not reading it in a while...
Kura: Yeah...TT...well...BYES! XD
| sakura240 chapter 4 . 9/11/2012
Kura: Okay, this is a pretty damn interesting story :)
Berry: Sadly...we don't know half of the shows used here...-_-
Kura: Still interesting though. I miss Kim Possible and KND. And man, I loved code kyoko :D
Berry: Anyway, good job.
| Gracekim1 chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
Plz vist my blong to read Chapter 7! m/blog/article_
| Gracekim1 chapter 2 . 8/23/2012
more chapters will be post soon folks! so watch this space!
| sakura240 chapter 2 . 5/27/2012
Kura: This is a pretty interesting story :)
Kura: Don't be mean Berry! It was good! don't worry about Berry, she's a jerk! Anyway, again, a pretty good story...huh...i thought of kim possible and danny phantom for a long time...
Berry: i don't know the other shows. that's why i got lost.
Kura: Shush Berry! If you got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all! Again, good story :D Bye! :D