|Reviews for Of Horses and Ravens|
| Winter Whisker chapter 1 . 4/4/2014
I absolutely love your story idea! It's really unique. The way you write your characters really brings out their personality and helps to make them three dimensional. I also like how you use clear, precise descriptions; the imagery is great! I'm a recent teen titans fan and a definite BBRae shipper, but I've been a lifelong equine enthusiast. And I'm really interested in writing a story that would be similar to yours - undercover: BB as horse, Raven as rider, 3 day eventing, rash of horse and rider injuries/deaths - but I wanted to ask for your permission first, as it is your original story idea.
-Winter Whisker _
| LamontCranston1066 chapter 5 . 7/16/2013
Coool! This was one of my favorite stories, and I was afraid it had been abandoned. I can hardly wait for the next chapter.
| LamontCranston1066 chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
I love this concept. I've always been fascinated by the dichotomy of the BBRae pairing, and the idea of them in any undercover situation, forced to interact rather than avoid each other is always very interested. This particular case is extremely intimate, as there are few bonds as close as a horse and a rider. Each trusts the other with his life, and in a sport that is often dismissed as effete and elitist, a mistake on the part of either can cost both of them their lives.
That said, I've found this chapter a little too short. I found Robin's acceptance of Beast Boy's joke idea as "better than his own plan" to be somewhat out of character and facile. The motivation to get deeply into the showjumping world is also not quite clear. I mean, how many banks is Mumbo Jumbo going to rob and how many buildings is Cinderblock going to smash while Raven and Beast Boy are busy jumping around in circles? We need details as to why the "Massacres at the Jumper International Derby" are worth taking two Titans off active duty and sending them under cover for such a long period.
Also, while it's very well and good to imply that Robin doesn't want to be separated from Starfire, it's always good to remember that he's got an out from ever sending her under-cover: Starfire's strangled syntax is a dead giveaway. NOBODY speaks English like she does, and there's no way she can hide it by saying, "I'm from France."
We also need some background on Cyn. Why was she chosen to work with the Titans? How can we be sure she is trustworthy under cover?
It seems like I'm really coming down hard on this, but I'm finding it an interested read so far, and am looking forward to more chapters as they come out. The author has a great concept, a good command of the language, and it appears, a great grasp of show jumping (although more details will tell.)
| GreennaveyblueRaven chapter 3 . 4/29/2012
looks like we got a next seabiscut
lol go Rae and Gar
| Maria Rianki chapter 3 . 4/29/2012
Brilliant idea! I love how he doesn't have to worry about being green- that part, I think, was always a no-no when it comes to a realistic Teen Titans, second only to how they have to act like kids and not their age. Keep going with this- I really enjoy the plot.
| fei.fie.fo.fum chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
the undercover idea has been used by many an author on this site and was even used in the series (check out employee of the month).
however, the idea of using a horse show, is new. a fresh take on an old idea whereas most others go the high school route, which is tired and over used to the point of death and beyond. i like it.
my only problem with your writing is the fact that you're not structuring your writing enough. right now, your conversations are all just running into each other. we, as readers, can hardly differentiate between speakers. use quotation marks, separate individuals speaking. other than that, nice job.
| Gogia chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
Please try to use quotes, and line breaks, for dialogue from different characters... It's hard to keep track of who's saying what, or when nobody is talking and it's narrating.
Other than that, cute story idea!