|Reviews for The Rising Dawn|
| Em Gi chapter 1 . 11/10/2013
Can't wait for the next chapter!
| Reversed CrimsonIblis chapter 1 . 4/30/2012
It might be annoying to ask if your desperate.
Time for the real review.
First off if your going to start a story off you should at least put description of the place (Somewhere in the middle of the story you could do your OC.) You can't start off a story like My name is Ace Sage and I want to be the best duelist ever. It doesn't work like that.
Your description on the dialogue is perfect I haven't seen that in years. You also misspelled Rhymes. Its not ryhemes is Rhymes.
I have never seen this before Megan replied,. I have never seen that before I plan on figuring out on my own. You also forgot Tony,would probably be her gaming buddy. The coma should be placed every time a name is mentioned. It could be like this my name is Ace Sage, and my friend Nubis Wolf. (weird name huh) That's this is right. How? Well I mentioned my Oc's name. Along with his friend. A coma if there is two people like Megan and Dawn then you put a coma after Dawn get the picture.
I like how you said new girl as they wouldn't know who she is until now. People tend to do that. I tend to do that. Its like a shadow over the person and the person has not seen his or her until the step into the light. Nice work on that.
When you started off when she said I must find the Clarks. Tells the readers that she is a spy or a stalker. Which really interest me into more of the story. Usually the suspense when the readers read it get them into the story like there experiencing it. You did a good job on that.
There's a lot to be desired but if you need help you have me. Its the punctuation you need to work on.
I'm not trying to be mean. I've been on this sight for 7 months and I've seen a lot of mistakes and downfall of stories. Especially mine. You need to think about the story and get more ideas (Which I do not know why you can't find the first season I found it perfectly. On a site.)
PM me if you have questions OK!
I'll give this a 3.5 out of 5. It might be a 4 I'm still thinking it.
Dark Omega-Xis: That was freaking long. This is the first time you have made a long review nice job kid.